A Little Bite of Magic Goes a Long Way (BxB)

7 ~ Ben

I stared at my dad.

I knew he wasn't trying to be hurtful, but he sure was succeeding.

"I thought you had more sense than that," he said, referring to my choice of spouse.

I waited, swallowing back the first response that rose to my lips, and the second, and the third.

My dad didn't react well to being challenged, and I knew he didn't bestow his approval lightly anyway (guess where my insecurity stems from) but he'd gone too far this time, and I couldn't let his words go unchallenged.

"Yeah, Dad," I said. "Yeah, so did I."

He started to nod with agreement, probably about to suggest a good lawyer, but then I went on.

"I always thought that I would marry someone boring and safe, because I'm boring and safe. That's what I don't understand. That's the mystery that keeps me up at night. Because Matt is anything but boring and safe. He's adventurous, and sweet, and he worries about things like whether ants have friends, and if an ant's friends will miss it if he accidentally kills one."

I paused, seeing from my dad's bewildered expression that I was already losing him, and tried to get back on track.

"Matt is special, and different, and wonderful. I'm not. He takes risks, and asks weird questions, and never stops pushing the boundaries of what he knows. I don't. He's fearless, and always kind, and... and I'm not, Dad. I—"

I had to stop to catch my breath, and my dad watched me with a frown pulling at his mouth, deep lines stretching from the corners of his nose almost to his chin. It was an expression that used to make me sweat as a kid.

"Are you happy here, Benjamin?" he asked. "In this house?"

"Matt's happy here," I said.

"I didn't ask if Matt was happy. I asked if you were happy."

"I'm happy if Matt's happy," I answered.

"That's some co-dependent bullshit right there, son," he said, shaking his head. "Now I know that boy's sweet as sugar and he loves you to death—even I can see that—but he's a white rabbit, and you're following him down all kinds'a holes. You know that, right?"

I raised a brow at him but let his weird metaphor slide. "Dad...you don't understand."

I ran a hand over my hair and let out a long breath.

"No," I sighed after a moment, "maybe you do. You're right. I love him so much, I'd follow him anywhere, but sometimes I wonder if he even knows where he's going."

"Look, son," my dad said, setting his hand on my shoulder, "all I'm saying is you have to put your foot down now and then. Where do you think I'd be if I let your mother do whatever she wanted? Going back to school? Starting her own business?" he laughed.

Poor mom, I thought.

"I'll never step on Matt's dreams, Dad," I said, suddenly done with this conversation. "I may not share them, or understand them, even, but he's got a...a light inside him," I said, remembering what he'd told me. "I don't care if you think it's pathetic. As long as he'll share it with me, I'm happy."

"Hmph," he grunted. "And what happens when he doesn't, or he can't? Then what, Benjamin? I'm just thinking of you, son."

"No you're not," I returned. "You're thinking of yourself, as usual. When was the last time you were really happy, Dad? Think about that for a minute."

I pushed past him and returned to the living room, where Matt sat with my mother, eating the dessert he'd made. I tried to give him a smile (my mother wasn't always the easiest person to talk to) but for some reason, he wouldn't meet my eyes.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He remained subdued the rest of the evening, even after my parents had left, and later in bed, when I tried to heat things up a bit, he didn't respond.

"Matt, what's wrong?" I asked, sitting up so I could see his face. "Are you feeling okay?"

He rolled away from me, curling in on himself in a loose ball. "I'm fine," he said. "Just not in the mood."

"Hey, that's okay. I'm not really either," I admitted. "I just wanted to make you feel good. Dinner was amazing, by the way. I'm sorry my parents didn't appreciate it properly."

My parents are pragmatic people, and while they'd praised the meal, they hadn't really understood the skill and talent it took to create. I barely did myself.

I saw his shoulder lift in a little shrug. It wasn't like him not to want to talk, but he was probably tired; he'd worked in the morning and then cooked all afternoon.

"At least we didn't have any uninvited guests," I laughed. "I think 'dinner and a seance' might be beyond my parents' comfort zone."

I scooted closer and rubbed a hand over Matt's back, but something in his body language told me even that wasn't welcome. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow he'd feel better.

"Sweet dreams, baby," I said, kissing his shoulder. "I love you."

I waited, but he didn't reply. After a moment I lay back, feeling a little cold without Matt in his usual place close beside me, but eventually, despite the uneasy thoughts fluttering around in my brain, I fell asleep.