Heartbreak - Anthology

Unreceived Letters

Unreceived Letters

by Teenage_Problems101

To Alex,

Hi.
I feel like whenever I say this two letter word, my lips immediately curl into a soft smile because automatically your face pops into my mind and your breath-taking smile is imprinted into my brain. Never to be forgotten.

To be completely honest with you, I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't even know why I still continue to talk to you when I still have this burning desire to be by your side every second of the day, 365 times. I still don't even know why I even like you more than that 11 years old boy I met in year 7.

Is it because of your charming personality? Your twinkling, golden eyes? Your soft hair that looks awesome without gel? Your smile? Your inability to do tricks with a pen at times? Is it the way you run your fingers through your hair when you're deep in thought during a test? Or is it the way you lean against the brick wall near the canteen with your hands in your pockets and ankles crossed over? Or could it be because of your hugs? The ones which make me feel warm, safe and...at home. Or is it probably because of our thirty second walks together to and from the school gates? Or is it because of the dares we did together? Or your laugh? Husky and beautiful. I guess sometimes the questions are complicated but the answers are simple.

God, I want to slap myself so hard right now! I don't even know why I just wrote all of that. I can't even believe myself right now and yet the list is still far from done.

I hate it. I hate the fact that I like you. I hate it so flipping much. Because every time I see you, I reminded of the fact that we have no chance together. You're probably never going to read this letter or even see me again after our time at Eastwood Abbey comes to an end. And you are most likely going to forget me.

But I pray. I pray every day that one day you meet this girl who sees you the way I see you, but only that you like her back. I pray that you end up with a beautiful girl, one who is sweet and caring and gentle. One who holds your entire world in the palm of her hands. One who never escapes your thoughts. One who is forever engraved in your heartbeat. Even though I know we are never going to be together, I still wish for you all the luck in the world, all the riches of this world and all the blessings that come with it. I wish for you only the best and the best of this world.

Even though I've felt a connection between us, a small spark waiting to be lit into an uncontrollable inferno, it's crystal clear that you never felt the same. It's clear that this spark will never turn into the heat which I have always wished for.

But I hope that you find that with someone else and that you always remember that once upon a time, you had my heart...and it was all yours.

Yours truly,
Emma.

***

10 YEARS LATER

Dearest Emma,

I saw you last week at the train station. Your hair was flying everywhere because of the wind. Your pink lips were plump and lined with the darkest shade of red I had ever seen. You were wearing the same jean skirt, which you had embroided our initials on, and the white blouse, which you wore on the last day of school years ago. Messages were handwritten all over and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you wearing that. It was quite a shock actually. Seeing you there with that blouse and skirt amidst all the passengers on the train who wore suits and blazers and pencil skirts.

You took away my breath.

I never would have thought that after ten years, you would still look the same. Your curly, untamed hair. Your weird fashion sense and everything else.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Or maybe I do but I don't want to admit it to myself.

The thing is, Emma...I'm getting married in a week.

Her name is Lore and you know who she reminds me of? Miss Blare from secondary...you know the teacher who taught us maths?. Man she hated us. We would always be talking in the lesson, but hey, you can't blame me! I used to sit next to a girl whose mouth ran like a motor. Man, being your partner always taught me one thing. That I was going to fail that subject until the following year all because I was too distracted by your blinding beauty. Anyway, Lore is similar to Miss Blare is the sense that she hates my guts. There are times when I wonder why I'm even getting married to her in the first place, but then I just have to look down and see the bump she's carrying. It was on the day that I was going to break off our engagement when she told me.

But I have a problem, darling Emma. Ever since I have seen you, your face is all I yearn to look at. Every night before I go to sleep, your face would appear in my vision and it wouldn't make a difference whether or not I stuck a large poster of you on the ceiling. The end result would always be the same.

My heart yearns to belong to you and my body wishes to lay down beside you. Every breath that I take, I pray that the next one will belong to you. I don't know what was going on in my mind when I said that I never liked you back. Was I scared? Maybe. But of what? I don't know.

Sometimes, the answers to simple questions are too complicated to explain, that only certain individuals can relate to them. I can only hope that there is a grown man out there like me. Twenty-six years old; about to tie the know in a week and yet his heart is belongs to the crazy girl he had befriended nearly fifteen years ago, near the school gate in year 7.

I can't believe myself right now. It's funny to see a grown man pouring his heart out on a piece of paper to the woman who he loves, knowing that it will never reach her in the first place.

It's weird how life works. It's as if everything only works according to what other people want. Never what we want. Never what I want. And what do I want? Well, only you could ever give me the answer to the most simple question. And I'm sure...the answer is quite complicated.

Love always,
Alex.