Snippets

VI. Different Paths

I sat there as I watched him twirl the end of his pencil near his lips. His eyes were narrowed for he was concentrating on something I didn't bother to find out. He sat beside the window, always. The fading light of the evening streamed through the translucent glass window shyly caressing his messy brown hair. The pages of the book fluttered in my hand and I dropped my gaze.

"You still do that."

I looked up at my friend sitting beside me, feigning confusion. "What do you mean?"

She gave me a look that said 'you know what'. I decided to stretch my act a little more. A sharp ringing tone broke our contact and my head turned towards the source.

It was his phone.

His face softened, and his eyebrows took their original position. He was trying not to smile wide, I could tell. I could read him like an open book. Unfortunately, I also knew who was calling.

I turned the page of my book and started to read, not knowing what book it was even. My mind was already travelling back in time. It was a bittersweet feeling, reliving all the memories I had with him.

Even when something ends, the memories are too precious to let go. You will hold on to them because it's the only proof that something so beautiful was a part of your life. Because sometimes scribbles on the corner of a completely filled notebook are much more meaningful.

His laugh cut out through the noise. Before I could even think, I looked up at him. Our eyes met.

His eyes.

Those eyes which changed shades of brown as the light wanted. The eyes I had grown to adore.

The width of his smile dropped and I caught the mixture of shock and sadness flicker across his face. My heart skipped a beat and felt like breaking at the same time.

I swear the things this guy made me feel.

He looked away and I turned to my book again. Only this time the words were not only blurry in my head but also in my vision. My fingers gripped the edges and one drop of tear escaped and dampened the centre of the page.

Control. Control. Don't cry.

I repeated the phrase over and over again until my hands stopped trembling and my breathing was regular again. I opened my eyes to find his seat empty.

Some part of me felt relieved. The other wanted to run out the room and search him. The question was even if I did look for him, what was I gonna say?

Was it that easy for you to move on? Doesn't your heart clench when our favourite song comes up? Do you wake up at night and the lack of warmth of another person makes you feel extremely lonely?

His presence was hurting me but now that he was not in the same room, it felt harder to breathe.

I was a junkie who had quit the irrevocable addiction of drugs and now all my organs were yearning for it.

I needed fresh air, that's all.

Getting up, I waved at my friend and without any reply, I walked right out. My feet had developed a mind of their own and soon I found myself out on the road. The tangerine sky and evening breeze attempted to calm my inner storm.

"Wait," a voice called. A voice that made my pulse race and heart stop at the same time.

I stopped in my tracks but didn't turn. He walked past to stand in front of me. I caught the whiff of all too familiar and my favourite cologne. I felt like crying all over again. In reflex, my grip against the book tightened. I refused to look at him.

"How are you?"

I lifted my gaze a little but did not meet his eyes. His brown hair shone under the fading light of the evening and the urge to run my fingers through it one more time overwhelmed me. His eyes were searching for mine.

I sidestepped to move away from his nearness. I wouldn't let myself cry in front of him. But he blocked my way as if he completely anticipated it.

"Please, don't walk away." The plea in his voice made my heart ache so bad that I wondered how I did not cry out loud.

I looked up at him, and my eyes were already welling up. His eyes said he wanted to wipe those tears away but he was trying hard not to touch even the air around me. The pain pooling in his brown eyes was like gunshots through me.

The sky had turned inky blue and the light was almost out.

"I'm not walking away," I managed to choke out, "Our paths are just different." Literally and Figuratively.

He seemed exasperated with my reply. He ran his fingers through his hair. H was mad, I could tell. He wanted to fight with me to make me change my mind. His jaw was clenched.

I took a few steps back and without any last look at him, I walked past him. I was sobbing uncontrollably and quietly thanked for the lack of people on the road.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out. The notification said it was a text from him. I stopped.

I'm leaving tomorrow for Sydney

I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

I knew this was gonna happen, I had known for a long while but coming from him, it just twice as bad.

All I wanted was to run back to him and hug him for the last time.

I quickly texted him the first thing that came to my mind. And started walking again before emotions got the best out of me.

You will always find me with you, I promise

Sometimes we have to break our heart so that our soul is saved. Sometimes loving someone means having to let them go because falling in love is easy but staying in love, that's where the trouble begins.