[C] fade out / liu yangyang

8 | 八

LI XIUYING -

i finally dressed up. yangyang promised to take me with him to the fireworks festival. i hate seeing my face in the mirror lately. it looks soulless. i put the lipstick on my lips , adding colour on my face.

i waited in my garden. as i expected , he will not be here on the promised time.

because he's not the yangyang i used to know.

sometimes i wonder if his love towards me decreased or he actually in love with someone else.

"xiuying!"

i smiled as i saw him standing in front of my house. i walked to him.

"i'm sorry." he said.

"it's fine." i lied.

i'm not fine. i'm sad.

we get into his car. he turned on the music.

while driving he grabbed my hand. i looked him.

"tell me , how long we didn't go on date?" he asked.

"i have no idea."

"i'm sorry , i know i should make some effort."

"it's ridiculous." i said as i looked at our hands.

"what?"

"nothing." i said as i smiled bitterly.

this unequal love , how long we can hold onto it?

we arrived at the festival. we sat on a bench , waiting for the event to start. my hand is still in his.

"xiuying , let's sort things out." he said.

i looked at him. i'm scared , i don't want to hear anything.

"don't. whatever it is , just don't. please." i said as i looked to the front again.

"i have to." he said softly.

i closed my eyes , hoping this isn't real.

"i know you noticed it. we both know , this relationship can't go anywhere." he said.

"we can try. we can work it out , yangyang." i said.

i can't let him go. i don't want to.

"i wish we could. but i can't. my feelings for you faded out." he looked down.

"tell me why , so that i can fix it. you know it well , if you want , if you wish , i can adjust everything for you." i said , holding back my tears.

"you don't have to fix anything , you're perfect. it's me , who's stupid." he looked down.

"i'm disappointed yangyang , i hate the fact you can let me go easily. don't you know how hard i try to keep this relationship?" i said , my tears rolled down my cheeks.

i can feel his eyes on me and finally he sighed.

"you're wrong , xiuying. it wasn't easy at all. i tried as well. i tried to love you like i did at first. but i can't. i want to keep you by my side as well. but if i do , it such a selfish act of me. it wasn't sincere at all. i need to put my mask every time i see you. i don't think i was sincere when i say i love you. all you saw was a pure act , a improvised performance."

"i know , i felt it. i know it wasn't sincere. i fell into your lies , i loved your act. because it's you. because i love you. it hurts me , really. but i can't imagine life without you. every words , i look forward to it."

it's a crying mess , he watched me.

"this unequal love , you don't deserve it and i don't deserve it as well. you gave me so much love while i gave you none , it's unfair for you. i don't want to torture you anymore. you are hurt and you know it well. don't hold into us anymore."

at this time , there's fireworks. as if it's to celebrate our break up.

i can feel his lips on mine , it feels bitter. all i can feel is his lies , his insincerity. i hate myself for not pulling him off. tears slowly rolled over my cheeks.

"i'm sorry." he said as he looked down.

"this is my last greeting , you don't have to greet me when we crossed paths in the future."

"thank you for the great memories , xiuying. i really appreciate it. i'm so sorry for not being the best. you've worked hard to make sure this doesn't end , you can stop now." he said again before he left.

he really leave me here. i stunned , i can't think straight. i don't know what to do. my sleeves are wet now. i can't stop crying.

i can't believe we ended. i seriously can't believe this.

i had see this coming but , experiencing it hits differently.