The Sun is Gone

Collision

Kurt's POV : March, 1990

It was just another night of hanging around. We weren't performing this weekend. I needed a break. Things were kind of crazy since we'd released an album. I'd been working almost nonstop. Every time I wanted to give up--and there were plenty of those times-- I'd think of her. Fuck, even after all these years I still thought about her way too often. The way she loved me and the way she hurt me more than I'd ever been hurt. It fueled my pain and my rage in my writing, my performing, all of it. If she thought so badly that I'd succeed then I'd show her. I'd fucking do it.

I wondered if she even paid any attention to my band at all. I wondered if she knew I released an album. A fucking congratulations would have been nice, considering she was so hell-bent on my success. Of course, I did tell her I never wanted to see her face again when I walked out on her. It wasn't true, of course. I wanted her more than anything. I could never stop loving her. It was completely fucked up, but I couldn't stop.

"You okay, man? You're pretty quiet," Dave, our new drummer, asked me. He hadn't been around long enough yet to know that I was quiet and moody most of the time.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just thinking."

"Well, don't think too much." He flashed me a grin. Dave always had an infectious sort of happiness around him. Somehow, ironically, it meshed well with me. And he was a killer drummer, which was absolutely what we needed.

The two of us decided to come out to a Mudhoney show together since we didn't have anything going on. Krist and Shelli were busy, so Dave and I came by ourselves. I figured it would be a chance to get to know him better, even though I honestly thought he already fit right in with us.

We stood towards the back of the crowd. There'd be people here who would recognize me and want to know about the band. I wasn't feeling like being that guy tonight. I needed a break. I watched as people filtered in. I recognized a few faces here and there--people I'd seen around, but no one I knew particularly well.

And then, for a second, I caught sight of something that made my heart stop. She disappeared into the crowd a second later and I couldn't believe my eyes. It couldn't have been Elizabeth. It had to have been my imagination. But I needed to know.

"Hey, I'm gonna take a walk for a minute. I think I saw someone I know," I told Dave.

"It's cool. I'll be here."

I crept along the side of the crowd. If it was her, I didn't want her to see me yet. I was not mentally prepared for this.

About a third of the way up, on the other side of the crowd, I spotted her again. And my breath caught in my throat. It really was her. Her hair was shorter and styled differently, and she looked much healthier, but there was no mistaking that it was her, beautiful as ever. My heart hammered in my chest. My stomach churned to the point I thought I might be sick.

She was talking to a guy with short brown hair. They were standing close. I wondered if it was her boyfriend. My stomach churned more, but I couldn't stop staring at her. She was facing forward. She didn't see me.

Suddenly, out of nowhere she spun her face around. When her eyes met mine, I felt an intense feeling spread all over me, and I know she felt it too because her eyes went wide. And she abruptly turned away.

Fuck, now what? I thought to myself. She had seen me. I couldn't let her leave without even talking to me. I kept my eyes on her. I saw the panic in her expression as she gestured to the guy. Then, she abruptly grabbed something from him and headed for the exit. I made a beeline to follow her, not caring as I shoved through the crowd.