𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨

part three

"So, Phil, what's your story?"

"Whoa, Blondie, we don't go there. But I am starting to wonder about you. I know I can't ask about the hair."

"Right."

"Or the dad."

"Also correct."

"And frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog."

"He's a chameleon."

"Oh. But here's my biggest question...if you wanna see the lanterns so much, why haven't you gone before?"

Steve considers his answer, but he's saved from certain embarrassment by the two long-haired men running towards them.

"Phil, who's that?" He asks.

"Oh, fuck, they don't like me."

"And who's that?"

"FUCK!"

Phil takes off, dragging Steve behind him.

"And who's that?"

"Let's just assume no one here likes me!" Phil shrieks, wielding Steve's frying pan. The two men have come out of the tunnel, emerging into what appears to be an abandoned...mine? Whatever it is, they're backed up on the edge of a cliff.

Phil's eyes widen as Steve grabs the rope he keeps hanging at his side and carefully slings it across the chasm, where it wraps around a beam. He takes a flying leap off the cliff, and lands it perfectly.

"Fuck, fuck fuck!" Phil hisses, swinging Steve's pan like a club, taking out all but one of the guards.

"It's over, Collen." The captain of the guard says, as the pan goes tumbling over the edge. "Hands up."

"Phil!" Steve shouts. "Grab on!" The taller blonde slings the rope across the chasm, and Phil grabs on.

"Thank God." Steve mumbles as Phil lands safely next to him.

"C'mon, mate, we don't have much time!" Phil pulls Steve into the next tunnel, but before they can make it out, the entire thing caves in, trapping them in a dark death trap.

"Ow, fuck." Phil curses, his hand bleeding from his frenzied escape attempts.

Phil dives down into the rapidly rising water, searching frantically for a way out.

"It's no use, mate, it's pitch black down there."

Steve ducks under, but Phil pulls him back up.

"Steve, there's no point. You can't see shit."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry." Steve whimpers, tears escaping. "Dad was right, I never should've done this. This is all my fault. I'm...I'm so sorry, Phil Collen."

"Philip Kenneth Collen. My middle name is Kenneth."

"You'll always be Phil to me, the handsome thief who saved my life."

"Also...since we're gonna die together in here, you should know...I swing both ways."

"I guessed, when you were all over Lewis."

"Oh."

"My secret...I have magic hair that glows when I sing."

"What the fuck?"

"I HAVE MAGIC HAIR THAT GLOWS WHEN I SING!" Steve squeals. "Lightning strike and burn-" And the water rises over their heads, but Steve's hair glows with a bright white light.

The two men dig around through the rocks until Phil wrestles one loose. Steve grabs too, and soon the water is flowing out, spitting them into a river. Steve and Phil cling to each other, scared of losing the only friend they both have.