Thorns And Roses

Chapter Fifteen

When Sweeney awoke the next morning, he turned and was surprised to find an empty space next to him on the sofa where Eleanore's warm body had fit against him. Memories came crashing back and with a groan, he pushed himself up to a sitting position and rubbed his face with his hands. Raising his eyes he spotted his trousers discarded on the floor along with his pants. So it hadn't been a dream then...

Sweeney sighed. What the hell had he been thinking? How could have let himself lose control like that? How could he have done this to Lucy?!

Last night had been a pleasurable experience, there was no denying. It had felt so right - but it was ultimately wrong. He had lost control, and as a result, he had betrayed Lucy and given in to the temptation that was Eleanore Lovett. She was in love with him, madly – and he desired her. That was all it was. He shouldn't have done it, and he could not afford for it to happen again.

Pulling on his trousers with great difficulty in his bruised state he glanced to the clock on the mantel and realised it was only half-past six in the morning. Where on earth could the baker have got to at this hour? He rose from the sofa, his upper half still bare and decided to search for her and it didn't take him long.

Eleanore was fully dressed in the shop and cutting dough on her counter with her a knife, her face morose. Sweeney stood by the door and when she noticed him, her expression did not change.

"Oh, morning love." She said in a  monotonous voice, "Yer breakfasts ready, it's in the oven."

Her tone and cool demeanour had Sweeney stop dead in his train of thought as she continued to cut the dough. He had come in here with the intention of babbling to her about how last night they had got carried away and that it was a mistake and his own fault. He wanted to tell her that as much as he enjoyed it, as much as he had grown fond of her she was not Lucy and could never replace her.

But seeing her looking so lost, so sad and tired he bit his tongue and decided for once to think selflessly. "Are you alright?"

"Course love...jus' been thinkin' that's all..." She kept her eyes on the dough.

He knew exactly what she had been thinking about, almost certainly the same thing he was thinking about. But he decided to ask her anyway. "Wot were you thinking about?"

Eleanore stopped chopping the dough and put down the knife so she could lean against the counter and look at him properly. He waited for a response, and finally, he got one.

"I...I know ya don't love me, Sweeney."

The barber stared at her then opened his mouth to speak when she cut him off desperately.

"Please don't!" She cried, clenching her eyes shut "Jus' don't say it ta me, please..."

Sweeney closed his mouth and decided to remain silent. So she did know that her feelings were not returned. That was the first and most challenging step out of the way. The next was equally difficult but he suspected she would understand given her kindness.

"Sweeney last night, meant the world ta me. I don't think ya understand 'ow much. But I know ya don't 'ave the same feelings I do for you, an I accept that. But...I need ta know if...if I mean something to you. Ye can be honest! I won't mind if ya say no – and I'll never bother ya again if that's wot ye want and we can pretend it never 'appened!"

Sweeney merely stared, her babbling rendering him speechless. This was very out of character for her. She was acting as if she cared little about what he thought of her when he knew deep down all she desperately wanted was for him to care about her. It seemed she was preparing herself for the worst and was beating him to what she thought he would say.