DETECTIVES - Jay Halstead (2)

7- One more night

Amelia

When I came back from work, the apartment smelled very good. I frowned as I walked in and made my way to the kitchen after putting my stuff on the couch. Jay was standing in front of the stove, cooking. The table was set and I was surprised. I cleared my throat to catch his attention and he turned to me, a guilty smile plastered on his face.

"Hi?" I hesitated, taking a step towards him.

"Hi, how was your day?" Jay took a step towards me as well, gently resting his free hand on my hip so he could pull me forward.

"It was fine. How are you feeling?" I asked him, resting my hands on his chest. A warm feeling in my chest at the feeling of him under my fingers made me smile to myself. I had missed touching him.

"I've been better. I'm sorry for what I made you go through these last few days." He pursed his lips and I tilted my head.

"Are you okay to talk about it?" I questioned him, not wanting to push him after such a heavy weekend emotionally.

"Over diner?" He suggested and I nodded, smiling at him. I sat on the counter next to him and he asked me about my day at work. I told him all about the cases we were showed and which ones we began to work on a little. I helped him out with diner a little, but I mostly stood back and drank some wine whilst he drank water as a consequence of coming into work drunk this morning.

We sat down at the table and talked about anything which felt very good. I felt like I had just gotten back my bestfriend as well as my boyfriend. But I knew that we still had things to figure out concerning his reaction towards our new coworker.

"Jay, are you ready to talk about it?" I asked him, lowering my voice a little to try to make him feel at ease with me.

"Yeah, uh, I guess." He said, unsure. Jay didn't continue, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and ask him some questions.

"Who was she to you?"

"She was my partner for years as well as Voight's CI for years before so he grew really attached to her and protected her a lot. We were very close and just developed feelings for each other after a while. It wasn't until Erin left to join a task force that we began dating. Voight didn't want anyone dating in his unit, especially if it was with Erin. So we did it behind his back for a while until the news came out and she came back to the unit. We kept dating still, besides Voight's disagreement - even though he ended up wrapping his head around the thought of us. But she got into pretty fucked up things and it didn't turn out as we expected it to." He rubbed his face with his hands and sighed.

"What happened?"

"She got into nasty stuff because of her mom and she was confused at that time. It was a hard time for her. Voight fired her from the unit and even I tried to get her to come back but nothing we did worked. I was so in love, I was going to propose to her. I wanted her in my life so badly and she just bailed. She bailed on all of us and didn't give any news up until I got kidnapped in an undercover mission. She came back just to save me and then left again, this time with a short goodbye. Never really got closure with her and I just took it really hard you know. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her and suddenly I just lost her. I didn't know if I would ever see her again or if I even wanted to ever see her again and that scared me, still does. I mean, that's mostly why I even fled in the first place."

"You're scared your feelings are going to come back?" I rephrased, trying to clear up everything. But I was scared of the answer, so I fiddled with my untouched spoon.

"Yeah, I guess." He let out a remorseful sigh, his eyes escaping mine. "I don't want to hurt you." His eyes filled up with tears and I reached out to grab his hand in mine.

"Jay, you've been amazing to me ever since we met. You have been nothing but supportive and loving. And when you see Erin again, if you decide that she is who you want in your life after all then I want you to tell me." My voice got stuck in my throat at the end of my sentence. I couldn't say it didn't hurt to say it. My eyes filled up with tears as well and I cleared my throat so I could continue, "I love you, Jay Halstead. I have always tried my best to support you and I will continue to do so. It will hurt, hell, it will destroy me but if it is what you want then it'll be okay because even if we can't be together in the end, I'm still glad you were a part of my life." Tears rolled down my cheeks as a squeezed his hand gently and pulled away from him. I brought my hands to my cheeks, trying to wipe my tears away - in hope that they'd stop.

Giving him away would be one of the hardest things I'd have to do. But if it was what would make him happy, then I'd do it. My heart was completely shattered at the thought of him leaving me for someone else. Just as he had once thought Erin Lindsay was the one for him, I currently thought he was the one for me. We had gone through hell and back together, yet we never gave up on each other. Our relationship was stable and healthy ever since we first got together. We had some ups and downs, but never had it ever occurred to me that it might end.

Seeing him push me away and reconsider his feelings for me at the single thought of another woman coming back into the picture hurt me. She wasn't even in Chicago yet and it screwed him up, hell - it screwed us up. I didn't know where it would lead us and I was afraid to find out. Should we call it quits now? Maybe that'd hurt less. But I felt selfish tonight. I didn't want to let go just yet.

So I got up and grabbed his hands in mine so I could gently tug him up. With tears going down on both our faces as we stood in front of each other, I pulled him closer to me and kissed him deeply. He followed my lead, his hands finding their way to the little of my back and mine grabbed his neck gently. The kiss that was once passionate and full of unspoken feelings turned into heat and lust. We made our way to the bedroom and shut the door behind us, pushing every problem away - at least for one more night.

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P.S: I am pretty sure I got her name wrong a few times either in this book or in the first one. Either I called her Amelia Davis or Amelia Winston. I will revise the chapters soon to fix that mistake. Her name's Amelia Davis!

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