To Have and to Hold

The Five Times

1.

In short, Tony doesn't know what drove him to Steve's room that night instead of his own. It wasn't like he just thought 'It's a cold night, better go cuddle Steve to make sure he is okay'.

He wasn't on good terms with the man, they barely spoke, and when they did they always kept it curt and professional. They don't even make small talk about the weather with one another. They weren't friends, they were only just teammates. They kept a healthy distance, like an unspoken line not to be crossed, and that was that.

JARVIS had shut off his equipment saying that he had to get some rest. He was frustrated, but there was nothing he could do about it but get some rest, serves him right for bringing an AI and handing over what amounted to full control of everything.

With sluggish steps he had made his way up the common space, hoping to get one last coffee before bed. Standing in the kitchen holding his coffee he noticed the cold, harsh wind blowing against the tower, the sound of rain hitting the windows.

There was no thought or reason, it was if he were in a trance, Tony quietly made his way down the hall, coffee still in hand. He reached out and opened the door to Steve's room, not sparing a thought as to why it wasn't locked.

As soon and the door opened moans of pain and distressed cries assaulted his eyes. Tony set down his coffee on a table as he quickly made his way to Steve's bedroom. He quickly opened Steve's bedroom door but froze at the threshold. Steve was having a nightmare. He didn't know how to handle nightmares. You could repair anything electronic you gave him, jury-rig and problem, solve any coding issue you gave him, but people? People were hard.

Carefully Tony crept up to the bed, all the hair on the back of his neck were standing on end. He was very aware of how dangerous this is. He'd seen Steve bend a street light in half with his own hands in order to make a giant hook to catch an ocean monster that tried to make a meal of the Manhattan Cruise Terminal a month ago, he was very aware how breakable he was to a super soldier without his armour. Armour which JARVIS had locked down for the night.

'no, n-... NO... please'

With shaking hands Tony grabbed the side of the mattress and gave it a hard shake, hopping that would wake the troubled shoulder. "Hey! Wake up!" he shouts. Steve flinches, flinging his arm out.

'don't'

Tony froze. He looked up at Steve, trying to make out his face in the dark. Steve's face was pinched, every inch of his expression screamed pain. "You need to wake up, Cap!" he tries again.

Shaking the bed doesn't seem to be doing much help. He was going to have to try something else.

Taking a steadying breath, Tony hops up onto the bed and reaches out for Steve, grabbing his arm. Steve lets out a horrifying scream and twists away, his whole body collapsing in on itself. But Tony doesn't let go of the arm, falling hard against the mattress and Steve's side and the man tries to jerk his arm away.

"STEVE!" he shouts.

Steve's body gives one final jerk and then stills, the man's harsh pants filling the quiet space of the dark room. His wide eyes were jumping across the room.

"Cap?" he whispers, carefully letting go of the man's arm.

The man's shaky breaths suddenly turn wet as his tears start to fall. Steve brings his hands up to cover his face with a pained groan. Tony feels helpless as the man brakes down in front of him, everything the man was painted to be slowly falling away to land at his feet.

"Cap?" he says, reaching out for Steve's hands. The man allows him to remove his hands without out a fight. Steve stares at the ceiling, eyes distant and lost, tears rolling heavy and fast down his cheeks. It hits him then. He knew Steve was young, he had done the maths in his head, but it had only felt like a number. In his mind the difference between 26 and 92 was small, minimal. 26 didn't carry any weight until now, watching the man in front of him shake apart under the horrors haunting his mind.