If You Had Stayed (published)

Chapter 3

I doodle a heart in the back of my maths book, writing Josh's name inside it, barely paying any attention to what Mr Carlson was talking about. He was talking about Algebra, but my mind had drifted off as soon as he started talking about x and y, and how to find the answer which didn't make any sense to me at all. Why can't Algebra be simple? Why make it complicated by adding letters instead of numbers that could maybe make it easier to understand?

I smile at my drawing, not realising that Mr Carlson was watching me.

"Emily," he calls to me. My head shoots up in his direction, the smile fading away. "Is there something you would like to share with the class?"

My cheeks burn as I notice all eyes were on me. I shake my head. "No, Mr Carlson. There's nothing to share."

Mr Carlson watches me for a few seconds, like he was searching my face to see if I was telling the truth. He then nods. "Good. Please pay attention." He turns back to the whiteboard and starts scribbling on it. "Anyway, as I was saying..."

I ignore his request to pay attention. The whole time my teacher spoke, all I heard was "Blah, blah, blah..." How do I pay attention when that's all I can hear only because numbers and equations don't mean a thing to me?

I glance over at Josh, who sat beside me in the back row of the classroom next to the window. Josh was watching me with concern.

Making sure our teacher wasn't looking our way, he mouths, "Is everything okay?"

I nod, and mouth back, "I'm fine." I smile.

Josh returns the smile. He then turns back to his grid book to take notes.

Just as I turn to look back at my own work before I get caught not paying attention again, a scrunched up piece of paper lands in front of me. I glance up at Mr Carlson to make sure he didn't see anything, but his back was to me as he wrote on the board. Haylie, who is sitting beside me, watches me as I grab the paper, opening it without Mr Carlson seeing me. Haylie glances down at it and we read it silently together.

If you didn't hang around Freak too much, the note read, then you wouldn't have that big goofy smile on your face. Be careful, Emily. You don't want to end up as a psycho like him.

It wasn't signed by anyone, but I automatically knew who the note was from. I glance up, looking over at Gabby who was sitting one row up and two seats down from Haylie and me. She has a smirk on her face as soon as we make eye contact with her. I crunch the note in my hand, wanting to get up from my seat and wipe the smirk off her face. How dare she write something like this to me? Why doesn't she come over here and say it to my face?

Haylie puts her hand over mine. I look at her and she shakes her head. I was glad she was sitting next to me. The last thing I wanted was to get detention or be sent down to the principal's office. Gabby was not worth getting myself into trouble.

* * *

"Ignore what she wrote, Emily," Haylie tells me as the three of us walk to our next class. "All Gabby wants to do is make you mad."

It was easy for Hailey to say to just ignore it. The words Gabby had said about me and Josh in the note will keep playing in my mind, and it was something I'm glad Josh hasn't seen. I don't understand how Gabby can say so many nasty things. How would she feel if someone was to say it to her? How would she want people to treat her if she had a mental illness?

"I know, I know," I say. "It's just so hard to ignore the things she says about Josh."

Josh puts his hand on my shoulder. "Let her say what she wants to say, Em. In the end, at least you are kinder than Gabby will ever be."