The Lonely Hawke ~ Book 1 ~ [Complete]

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

You were standing in the wake of devastation,

You were waiting on the edge of the unknown,

With the cataclysm raining down,

Insides crying save me now,

You were there when possibly alone.

Iridescent by Linkin Park

4 and a half months later

I'd been dreading this day for months, actually ever since my last birthday. The only difference between this birthday and the past five others is that I wasn't laying in a pool of sick and blood wishing my life would just end. No, for this birthday I sat on the end of a king's bed, trying my best not to wake up the King who was snuggled under the covers. A beam of moonlight crept through the thick curtains and projected a misty haze upon the floor. A slight tap against the window made me snap my eyes up, where I saw a black crow staring in at me. I started, jumping up, and stifling an awkward laugh, still unsure whether or not to wake Alistair.

A nightmare had woken me from my slumber, the same nightmare I've been having for months. It's always about Anders with those piercing glowing eyes and his blade up against Bethany's throat. Her screams are what terrify me the most as I can never save her, which just makes them worse each time.

Smoothing back a loose strand of hair from my eye, I crossed quietly over to a small desk, which was now mine. Only a few of my belongings from my estate in Kirkwall made it too this desk. Mother's necklace was neatly placed in front of the mirror. Alistair had asked one of the maids to clean it for me. I hadn't been grateful at first because he did it without telling me but now, as I look at, it I'm happy. A small book lay beside the necklace; it was dark red just like my hair with an engraving of a hawk in the middle. When Alistair first gave it too me I couldn't help but laugh at his gesture.

A small grin spread across Alistair's lip's as he held something behind his back. My first thought was that he had brought me flowers because that was his usual gift. But as he held out the red book engraved with the hawk my heart fluttered so wildly that I had to clutch at my stomach whilst a burst of giggles turned into hysterical barks of laughter. I couldn't contain the laughs even as the hurt creased into his face. "What's so funny?" He asked.

The laughs were gone as quickly as they came as soon as I heard the humiliation in his voice. "Oh… I thought it was supposed to be a joke. Since that is a hawk." I pointed at the book. "And I am Hawke." It felt as if my heart had fell into my stomach. "But that's not really funny is it?" It hadn't been funny really yet my body wasn't used to happiness so when I actually felt happy, I exaggerated it too much.

"Oh, I didn't even notice that." He chuckled. Only a few minutes later we were both curled on the floor crying with laughter.

A smile spread across my lips at the memory, who'd have thought that was only last month. Picking up the diary, I ran my finger over the hawk. It was ugly and it looked evil from it's devilish round eyes. Was that what I looked liked to people who feared me? Was I just a menace to everyone? Another tap on the window made me look around. The crow was still staring me like it was intrigued with what I was doing. Crow's were just as ugly as hawk's, from my point of view anyway.

Creeping across the room, I held the book firmly by my side. Approaching the large glass, I quickly slipped outside onto the large balcony. The night was cold against my bare arms, the air smelled fresh after a day full of pouring rain. I gazed up at the blanket of stars cast over a vast sky of deep blue; it was truly magnificent to look at. As my eyes wondered over thousands of stars I couldn't help but wonder if someone else could be doing this and feeling what I am feeling. Doubt filled me as I looked down at the city below. Who else would bother to cherish the night sky whilst fearing for their lives in a city like this? Alistair may be the King but he abandoned the city for months on end at the start of the year, in his time away a lot of the city folk took advantage of their King's absence. Rumors spread of women having gone missing and then reappearing, weeks later, raped and half-dead. This was not a good time to be king. I over-heard two nobles doubting his rule, only loyalty to Alistair stopped me from shouting at them. The Landsmeet had made it abundantly clear I was not take part in any political matters, if I did it wouldn't reflect well on Alistair.