Im standing in the front of my door. Pondering on my decision. Is this the best thing I could do for us??? Shall I continue fighting for my decision???
"Hindi ko naman siya iniwan." I talk to myself.
I carry my luggage as I leave our house for a while. It's just six months. Definitely, it wouldn't be just a training. I fixed my luggage in my cars compartment before driving it to the hospital.
After ten minutes, I finally arrived at the hospital. Doctor Cole help me with my things. He's the one who carried my luggage until we reach the van that will take us to the airport.
"How's your hand?" He ask while I was preparing for my seat.
"Okay na."
"May I see?" He gently held my wrist and observe on my hand genuinely. "Seems fine."
"Yeah."
"Shy!" Miss Jen hug me as she see me. "Buti nalang sumama ka." Tipid akong ngumiti.
"This will be a long trip." Singit ni Doctor Cole. "Let's take our seats."
I sit on the most comfortable place. I bid goodbyes to my friends, patients and to my workmates. Rhian wasn't happy when I said that I grab the offer but then after, she hug me and said 'goodluck'. Lyza gave me a cookies so I can have something to eat. Dre and Greg send me a farewell message as if I won't comeback. I even give my parents a warm hug and soft kisses before I leave. And now, I am on my doubt state to text Zeke. But I think, I should.
From: Mahal ko
Im leaving. Hoping you're find. I love you till I comeback. May God teaches us as we take different paths. I love you, Love.
I finally send it.
It took one hour before we arrived to the airport. When we finally got into the airport we look for our sits then take a nap. When I woke up, there we are. In Canada.
May I found peace here. May I grow here. May God's plan overflows here. May He teach me here. May He molds me here. May His wills and desires for me be granted here. May I found my rest that im looking.
I miss Zeke, but what can I do? We need to take rest. Because if you're exhausted, you can take it.
Wala namang masama sa pagpapahinga. Ang masama yung sumuko ka. Nagpahinga lang kami pero hindi ko siya iiwan. Mahal ko si Zeke pero hindi pwedeng mahal ko siya pero hindi ko mahal ang sarili ko.
I think, it's to much selfless love. I strengthen others yet I can't strengthen myself. I love others too much yet I can't love myself like that. I encourage others yet I can't put some courage on myself. I give myself to others and yet I don't leave anything for myself.
Kaya siguro ako napagod, kasi wala akong ibang ginawa kundi magbigay para sa iba. Hindi naman yon masama pero, sana naglaan din ako sa sarili ko para alam ko kung ano talaga ang rason ng pinaglalaban ko. Ayokong sumuntok sa hangin. Ayokong tumakbo sa isang lugar na hindi ko alam ang daan. Gusto kong magkaroon ng katiyakan.
I want to continue this race with a reason. I want to continue this battle knowing my purpose.
Kasi ayokong mapagod lang ng dahil sa wala. Kung ibibigay ko man ang lahat ng makakaya ko, gusto ko para sa isang bagay na alam kong may patutunguhan ito.
I know in myself that im broke. And the only one who can fix me is not my situation, not the people who surrounds me but only God who created me.
Mainam ng iwan mo yung bagay bagay na sumisira sayo. Oras mo naman ngayon para balikan yung sarili mong matagal mo ng nakalimutan.
Because of giving selfless love, we forget that we also have ourselves. We give our whole to others yet we haven't give to ourselves.
