CRITIQUE 2020 [TEMPORARILY CLOSE]

𝙵𝚊𝚖𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 by guardianlovers

𝗧𝗜𝗧𝗟𝗘:

Your title can immediately attaract your readers but to be honest, by just reading it, some might already know how the story will go. Im not saying naman po na hindi maganda yung title but siyempre po, "Famous for Nothing" can already answer some questions. Although your title dosen't seem to be that "BOOM" to readers, it is still unpredictable kung ano ba talaga ang magiging main topic ng story- will it only revolve to the main character's popularity or may iba pala itong meaning? Mapapaisip ka talagang "why FAMOUS FOR NOTHING?"

Pero I would also like to suggest some of the possible titles para hindi po a bit revealing ang title.

•Price to Pay•

•Strings to detach•

•bended strings•

•As I strum my guitar•

•Rhythm of letting go•

•Was it worth it?•

But it is still up to you if you would like some changes or not kasi syempre, it's your own story and you made your own title, and we would 100% support you in your decision.😁 But if you would change it and pick one among the suggested titles, a thank you or mention would be appreciated.

𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞 𝗖𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥:

The vibe of your book cover for me is cold but at the same time, dim. Yun bang kapag weather ang book cover mo ay yung coldness niya ay sakto lang sa balat mo. Readable din po yung story title kaya no need to change po, as well as the font and the color.

𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗖𝗥𝗜𝗣𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:

Honestly speaking, after reading the description from the story detail and the synopsis as well, it actually got me a bit confused kasi sa story description, si Janus kasi ang parang main topic, kumbaga siya yung main chatacter pero nang basahin ko naman yung synopsis and chapter one, si Kassandra or Kara naman pala ang bida at si Janus na po ang supporting. And parang hindi na kasi sila nagtugma konti kaya I would really like to suggest na palitan mo na lang po sana yung story detail or you can just use some key words from your synopsis para po mas maayos😊

And also, parang sinagot na niya yung question kong "why famous for nothing ang title niya?" Kasi siyempre, parang naging career over relationship na si Janus. Despite that fact, I actually liked how short your description is. Although in that small detail it can already answer some question as I've mentioned from the TITLE part, I believe na maraming twists and turns ang magaganap sa story mo, so keep it up!

𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟𝗟:

First, this may be 'gasgas' since it was also mentioned in the previous books that we've  critiqued but I would like to point out na may typos and grammatical errors ka din po. Pero may chance naman to edit anytime, gusto ko lang pong I-mention para aware po kayo.

× Kumakabog ang dibdib niya ng ... should be NANG

× Mapayat could be PAYAT only

×By Janus presence, please don't forget the apostrophe: JANUS'

×Naghinto ako ng isang taon... you can use HUMINTO rather.

×Nakababa nang sasakyan... use NG po

×Naisipan niya na muling magtingin ng aklat... you could just use the word TUMINGIN PA NG IBANG LIBRO or NAGHANAP PA SIYA NG IBANG LIBRO

Although this is one of the most common mistakes of a writer, may chance pa naman po to edit anytime.

Second, I really respect the main character's desicion towards the scholarship grant sa US kasi according sa kuya niya, mas masaya siya sa musika. I totally respect naman kasi siyempre, her dad never asked her what she really liked pero a part of me actually disagree din sa choice niya kasi not all students are given the chance to have scholarship and sa ibang bansa pa and siyempre, hindi naman lahat ay mayaman. To be honest as a student, alam ko din po yung feeling ng umaasa lang sa scholarship para makapag-aral. This part might be sensitive to your readers na nanghihinayang sa ganitong oportunidad.

And also, one of a parent's responsibility is to respect and support their child to anything that would benefit their futire and what makes them actually happy pero siyempre, may limitations talaga. And we should always comsider the fact na hindi lahat ay dapat kung saan lang talaga tayo masaya kasi hindi naman lahat ay mayaman. May instances din na dapat ay magsakripisyo para sa magulang and we should also consider their choices. Pero base sa life experience naman ni Kara na parang wala na siyang freedom kasi masyadong mataas ang expectations ng kaniyang papa, siguro this made her think na it is time for her to choose what is right for her and i respect that naman po.

Third, your story is really clean. The flow of the story is smooth, walang conflicts and really relatable lalo na sa part na may exam and second lang siya at na failed nanaman niya ang kaniyang papa. Lahat naman ng student, aim nila ang pangitiin ang kanilang mga magulang sa mga achievements nila e, and it is indeed sad kasi yun nga, wala na siyang freedom. My main concern is that, medyo mabagal po ang mga eksena. Siyempre pag sa description palang kasi, parang iisipin mo na more on music and puppy love and stuff pero hindi pala kasi siyempre, i know your aim is to make a clean and understandable story. Siguro try to discard some of the unecessary scenes nalang po?

Fourth, I honsetly appreciate how relatable your story is. Hindi siya boring pero like i said, it is taking me a bit longer sa part na gusto kong mabasa. Medyo maganda ang pagkaka describe mo sa mga nangyayari, making me imagine it kasi siyempre, I am a student too and I feel both of your characters. Yun lang, hindi ganoong kahigpit ang parents ko saakin. You even included friends who decided to turn their backs on her and that is really true kasi uso na talaga ngayon ang kaplastikan. I'm hapoy how transparent your character is kasi naiportray talaga niya ang buhay ng isang estudyante na pressured na kasi gusto niyang maging proud ang parents niya sa kaniya. And the thought na walang friend si Kara? That is indeed a fact rin kasi may introvert din na students.

guardianlovers thank you for trusting our shop!

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