Ariabelle | One question, leads to a savior COMPLETED

Hey Ethan

Hey Ethan,

I took your suggestion. I'm now going to therapy. It's been too long since she's been gone and my sister is only getting older. My brother shouldn't have to deal with her. We are putting her in foster care, I begged him not to.

She's only 13. I keep promising when I get a job I'll come get her. I don't think I'll be able to. My brother turned to drugs, he's a really emotional drunk. He's stubborn and hard headed, just like you were. If you guys met under different circumstances I bet you would be great friends.

My therapist told me I need to let go of you. She told me to write this letter telling you about my life now. I didn't realize it would be so hard, so instead I'm just going to thank you. Damn, I'm smearing the ink. I'm sorry, Ethan.

Thank you for saving me. Thank you for bringing me back to the world. Thank you for helping me through my mother's death. Thank you for helping me study for the exams. Thank you for helping me write my college entry essay. Thank you for helping me make friends. Thank you for showing me around UCLA. Thank you for a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for the kisses. Thank you for being the best boyfriend ever. Thank you for the amazing dates. Thank you for all the ice cream you bought. Thank you for four years of your wonderful smile. Thank you for loving me. Thank you, Ethan.

I'm okay. I love myself now. I'm seeing someone, every time we hug I feel like I'm betraying you but I promise I will never forget you. You are more important then I can explain.

You made me love myself Ethan. You helped me find happiness. You helped make me who I am today. I can never thank you enough.

I still go to church like you used to take me to. I still have that stupid cigarette you made me take while you were in the hospital. I've never used it, I never will.

I still don't believe in God, but I hope you are in heaven and smiling while I bawl over this stupid and barely coherent writing.

I still have your clothes, I still have that pocket knife you always kept in your boot. I still have that stupid beanie you couldnt live without. When you first left, I would wear the clothes but they stopped smelling like you, they started turning into me. I don't want that, so I stopped. They are hanging in my closet, pushed to the side a thin layer of dust covers them.

I visit you every holiday. I hope you saw the cake I brought you on your birthday. It looked really good.

I hope heaven is good for you.

I hope you are still making everyone you meet smile.

I hope you found your happiness.

I love you Ethan. I always will. But this is goodbye. Well, not goodbye. This is a, I'll see you later.

It's selfish, I know how much pain you were in, but I wish you would've stayed. That's why I don't believe in God. Even when you were in your hospital bed and you were being eaten alive, breathing borrowed air, you still smiled and said 'its God's plan'.

I hate God's plan.

I'll see you later on Ethan. Don't worry, I'll save you a seat at my wedding.

You're Favorite, Me.