The Best Are Different

Farsa Machibi - It's Scary Out There

"School." I murmur, looking at the cold, familiar floor. "There will be more monsters there." 

"You have done very well at ignoring them, Farsa." The doctor says softly. "Are you seeing Maggie right now?" 

Of course she is. She never leaves. I look up, my short strands of hair falling out of my eyes and rearranging themselves around my cheeks. Maggie stands behind Doctor Talen, a smirk cutting into her ghostly pale cheeks. She narrows her black eyes that match her hair in color. She knows I'm looking at her. 

"Yes." I whisper. "She's standing right behind you." 

Doctor Talen nods, his brown eyebrows furrowing in the sympathy and pity I'm so used to seeing from the adults. "And you know she's not real?" 

She says the same thing about all of you. I think to myself bitterly. "Yes." I repeat. "I just don't think I can go to school, with all the normal kids." 

"You've been doing very well at ignoring Maggie." Doctor Talen repeats. "And we've kept you away for to long. You need to see other children your age. We've notified the school you'll be attending of your dyslexia and anxiety, so you will be excused from many public speaking and group activities." 

"Thank you." I say quietly. "But I want to read as much as possible." I continue, nodding my head. I love reading, despite how the words jumble themselves. 

He smiles. "We'll do what we can, Farsa." He says. "You leave in the morning. Until then, you should go with Ms. Katherine to buy yourself some clothes and school supplies." 

I look down at myself. The clothes belong to the ward, white and baggy with the appearance of nurse scrubs. I haven't worn much else since I was admitted here at the age of eight. Doctor Talen and every other doctor seem to forget what happened last time they let me out. Besides, it's safe here, with doctors and electroshock therapy. Out there, it's dangerous and scary. 

I don't think I have a choice. All have to do to stay here is say the words "Maggie says I should kill someone." And they'd keep me in solitary for years. But solitary is even worse. Maggie really will tell me to kill someone if I'm alone with her that much, and it's hard not to listen. She's just too real. 

"Yes." I say. "Okay. Tomorrow." I get up and leave the office, heading down the cold hallways to the room I shared with another schizophrenic girl a bit younger then me. She's asleep. I head to my own bed, and lay down. The girl I share the room with, Kasey, she's nice. Her 'Maggies' seems nicer then mine. 

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"Farsa, you get off here." Ms. Katherine says, looking at me in the shotgun seat. I feel extremely nervous, and foreign in my new pink button-up shirt and brown leather cropped jacket. My legs feel a lot more confined in tan skinny jeans then in the loose ward scrubs, my feet contained by tall brown leather boots, very different from the white ward sandals. My hair is brushed, for the first time in months. The only thing familiar is my silver feather necklace and Maggie sitting in the back seat, telling me to stop acting scared and go to school. 

"Remember, after today, you catch the taxi back to your issued apartment." Ms. Katherine says, in a rehearsed tone, not looking at me with her brown eyes. "Your mother would... rather you not stay with her. She says you could use some time alone." 

I close my eyes. No, of course she wouldn't want me to stay with her. I could damage my sweet, perfectly normal baby sister, Chila. Chila mustn't absorb the air someone as damaged as me has breathed. Of course, being alone in an apartment with Maggie would only make things worse. I doubt my mother cares. 

"Have fun today, Farsa, okay?" Ms. Katherine says, concern on her aged, but pretty, face. She hands me my schoolbag, which I sling over my shoulder. I only nod, looking away. 

"And make... friends." She says. "Real ones, that are your age." 

I don't reply, and get out of the car. Maggie follows. Ms. Katherine knows I won't be speaking to anybody. She probably just hopes I won't talk to Maggie. 

I look up at the school. Tall and made of brick, with the stenciled letters 'Lafayette Public School' in black across the wide doorways. I can already hear the laughter and yelling of people from inside. A sick wave of terror sweeps over me. So many people are inside. 

I can't move my arm to open the door. I stand in the doorway, one hand on my bookbag strap and the other clenched at my side. 

"Open the door, Farsa." Maggie says, sounding annoyed. "You'll be fine. Just don't talk to anyone, or act like an idiot." 

A guy opens the door in front of me, not bothering to glance in my direction. Tall, messy blonde hair, angled face. I can tell just from looking at his jawline and shoulders that he doesn't have the best life out of school. 

"The Ward has made you observant, Farsa." Maggie comments. "Nice job." 

I don't look at her. That would reverse my therapy. I just follow the guy into the school, practically hiding behind his shadow, careful not to step into my own light. 

I look around. I see kids in dark clothes and leather and silver chains, and other kids in floral and bright colors. I hope to fall in the middle with my short hair and pale colored clothes. Innocent, sweet, and quiet. I wouldn't want to be considered anything different. 

I make my way to what I believe is my locker, not looking up from the ground at all. I only bump into a few people, who all seem to be a bit shorter then me. Great. I unlock my locker and collect the stuff stored in there for me. I believe my first class is Biology. I wonder where that is. 

"There it is, Farsa." Maggie says from behind me. She's leaning against a locker, I can tell without looking. her voice echoes against the metal a bit. "Room 15." 

I enter the room and find the desk farthest from the others. I don't want to be noticed. That's the last thing I want. 

"You're too pretty for that." Maggie says, sitting on the windowsill, tipping her head to the side so that her shoulder-length black hair drifts into the air. "You'll be noticed." 

I stare straight ahead. Maggie can't distract me. I can't let her. That would reverse my therapy. 

"Good luck with that." Maggie says. "You can't resist me." 

I bite my tongue. I can't reverse my therapy. 

This is going to be tougher than I thought.