Disclosure [h.s]

34

Evelyn

Do you know that feeling when you are so anxious you can't eat or even sleep?

That has been me over the last three days, and I have never felt more miserable in my life. Never in a million years I thought my weekend would end the way it did. It started so well, Harry and I had such a great day together, only for me to find out something shocking about him. 

It was something I couldn't simply overlook.

How could he have hidden something like that from me? I wasn't expecting him to tell me that on the first day we met, but I think it is quite an important information to tell the person who you are with.

Maybe I wasn't as important as I thought I was for him, maybe he didn't feel the need to tell me because he never saw a future for us. 

But it hurt, it hurt so much.

After I left the police station I was approached by Noah. As expected he tried to poison me even further against Harry. I don't know how he found out about Harry's past, but it is clear he tried to use it against him, maybe hoping it would make me change my mind about Harry so I could run back to his arms.

However, it didn't turn quite well for him either, as I simply pushed him out of my way, entering the first taxi I could find. The last thing I wanted that day was to see Noah's face again, it was already bad enough what he had done.

And Harry?

 He tried to call me on that Sunday morning and texted me a million times throughout the last days, but I didn't pick it up or read any of the messages he sent me. Thankfully he knew better than to show up at my apartment, because that would only make it worst. I need to take my time with him, I need to do it at my own pace. This is just too much for me to assimilate.

Harry had a troubled past, now it is clear how it is even more troubled than what I had first anticipated. I could have taken lightly the fact he was involved in illegal fighting, if that was even possible. But this was anything but light, this was a serious accusation.

He killed a person, no matter what circumstances it is something too serious. 

How can I simply overcome that? 

I know I should probably let him explain, and hear his side of the story, but I don't think I can even look at him right now. But then at the same time, he was only fifteen, how can someone so young commit such a crime?

One time, I remember him telling me how he started fighting when he was only fourteen, could it have something to do with it? I guess I will never know, at least not now.

It was now Wednesday, and I had to go back to work against my will. The last two days I have spent them at university, trying to take my mind out of what happen and focus on my last assignments.

But today I was going to do something I might regret in the future, but I need time, and most importantly I need distance. I can't keep visiting Harry's house almost weekly for my visits with Claire, I don't even think I can face her right now.

Do I feel guilty for doing this to her? Very. 

Claire has done so much progress over the last months, I don't want to ruin it just because of my broken relationship with her son. But at the same time, I don't think I can simply walk in her house and act like nothing is wrong. I wouldn't even be able to do my job properly.

I am awakened from my thoughts when I see a familiar figure standing by the door of my office, and I want to turn around immediately. What is he doing here? And most importantly how did he find out I was working today and at this time?