Unwanted

A Lonely Girl In A Big World

For as long as I can remember, I've been adopted into many different families. I wasn't happy at first, but after a few months, I would really get to love them. Sadly, I guess they wouldn't feel the same way. As soon as I would become attached to my new family, they would take me back to my original foster home. I would never really understand why, but my foster mom told me that it was because I "wasn't affordable." I never really understood what she meant by this because, this process started when I was very young. I learned to get used to every family "returning" me. I always had support from my foster siblings, but it always led me to wonder. Was there something wrong with me?

Every few months, I witnessed one or two of my foster siblings get adopted. I was very happy for them, but secretly upset for myself. They never returned, so why did I? They always wrote letters to me and my other foster siblings about how they were doing. Their families were usually pretty wealthy, and gave them lots of toys and gadgets. Some of them were even given phones! Although not every one of my foster siblings were adopted into wealthy families, all of them were given nice new clothes, pretty shoes, and they all were given allowances. I was happy that they thought of me when they went shopping because sometimes they would send me a package of new clothes. The only time that I would be given new items was during the holidays. My foster mom didn't have much, but she would give me a new pair of shoes, a new coat, and a new set of a t - shirt and pants. Sometimes I feel that she felt bad for me. She wanted to give us more, and sometimes, she couldn't even afford that. I did get a few new clothes from my adoptive families though. Even though they kept returning me, I could tell that they wanted the best for me.

Soon, all of my siblings found new families. Because of this, my foster mom decided to work more often so that she could make more money for us. I was happy that our life was improving, but I was left all alone when it came to coming home from school. Since I was only 10 in New York City, I wasn't left alone with much. I couldn't really leave the apartment, and since we didn't have much, I couldn't play with anything. I could watch the one station that we had on the tv, the news, or I could do homework that might help me improve my life one day. I always decided on homework and studying. I always hated doing it, but it was better than watching/hearing about another robbery here or another fire there.

I would always study late into the night. My foster mom never really cared. She was always too busy talking on the phone with her work friends to worry about me. As I worked, I would always think about what my future would hold. Would I be left with my foster mom forever? Would my dream of being adopted into a nice family with siblings and a pet come true? All I knew was, I couldn't be left in my small, dismal world anymore. I dreamed of exploring the world and blogging about my life in my fancy house.

My fantasies always led me to wonder if these kinds of things actually happen to people. Are dreams only achievable in imaginary worlds and in my imagination? Can dreams really come true?