Feel Again

Chapter 10: Letting Someone In

Hi!!!  I am so sorry for the late update. I had some family stuff going on and had to help my mom out. Anyways I hope you guys like this chapter! It is longer than usual. 

Darkness surrounded me and it felt like I was trapped in a void with no escape. A force was dragging me deeper while I fought to climb to the top. I was being pelted by waves of emotions that made me feel instead of being numb. But they weren't virtuous emotions like hope and contentment. The emotions going through me were a mix of affliction while also feeling hollow. The waves broke a piece of you with each hit while you were consumed by trepidation. Eventually, you slowly give in. You curl into a fetal position and let your body be dragged away deeper into the torture. Your wounds began to reopen and you relive the nightmares which are memories until you can't take it anymore. At this point you are depressed and you are numb. You don't feel anything except for this constant constriction in your chest and sometimes if it gets too heavy from the build-up of pent up emotions then the waves return sometimes for no reason or at sudden moments. And at any time something can trigger all of this just like right now. Sleeping is the worst of all because you aren't capable of escaping except sometimes you can say you get lucky when you wake up screaming when you relive the nightmares when you are most vulnerable.

Tired of fighting I just let the abuse continue until my mind finally let up on me after taking the only pieces left of me away. I was left powerless.

Slowly I began to regain consciousness fighting to wake up. My eyelids flickered to see bright lights shining down on me and a white ceiling. My short legs were thrashing around, but I was unable to move my feet. My head shook side to side. I tried to move my arms, but they felt tied down. I felt out of control of my own body and thoughts. Hoarse screams escaped from my mouth pleading for help. Voices surrounded me as pressure was applied to my legs to try and force me to relax. One voice stood out...

"Brina, listen to me. You just need to calm down. It's Ri. You are safe," she whispered into my ear.

My mind registered what she said and I tried to calm my body down. My legs were still shaking and my breath was ragged.

I was finally awake and aware of the hospital staff around me as well as Riley.

"Can....can you please remove the restraints?"

The doctors looked to Riley for confirmation and she nodded. A nurse moved to the end of the bed and gently released my legs and then my wrists.

"Sorry for the restraints. When you were brought to the hospital. You would not calm down and continued to move while the doctors tried to tend to you. You had a panic attack and it caused you to faint. I was looking through your medical history and I can see you have a past of this occurring," a doctor said to the right of me.

Next to me, I could see Riley's confused face. She knew about Alexa, but she thought I had recovered from the anxiety attacks and severe depression. I felt guilty because I knew I hurt her by not telling her everything.

"I know you are already taking a high dosage of melatonin, but I was wondering if that was working" the doctor questioned.

I shook my head to reply. I hate medicine, but I am tired of the constant exhaustion.

"Okay, well I am going to prescribe you a refill for Trazadone for the anxiety and that should help you sleep as well. On your file, it said that helped you last time. You should continue to take the prescribed medication as well as have visits with the therapist here at Hôpital Hôtel-Dieu."

I nodded my head once again to reply, too tired to voice any words.

"You will have to remain here for a few more hours before you can be discharged, So around 8 p.m. We contacted your legal guardian you have been living with and she signed a form for you to be discharged later since she is out of the country at the moment. If you have any more questions I am Dr. Vieux and you can just ask the nurses for me."

"You know you could have talked to me about this Brina. I told you I am here for you. Also, you ruined our day of ice skating. You were unconscious for 8 hours! It is now 2 o'clock! I found you around noon when I came over because you weren't answering your phone."

I was shocked by this news because I didn't expect this to even happen. "I know that I can always talk to you, but I don't know how to open up after what happened. She was the person I would open up to and she's gone. I am sorry for not telling you and hurting you. I just don't trust anyone after I found out what happened to her."

"Well, then you don't have to talk. Just tell me you need me and I will be there to comfort you. Anytime you need me just say the word."

"Thank you..."

"Okay if you ever text me the word 'run' or say it I will be there asap."

"That sounds great. Now I kind of need to sleep because I am still physically drained from today."

"Yeah, sweet dreams. I need to talk to Jacks anyways since he rushed me over here. Love you."

This was the first time in almost two years where I began to let someone in. 

Remember to please vote, comment, and share this book with your friends!

All rights for the video used in this chapter go back to the creator. 

Also a reminder: 

All rights reserved. 

Copyright © 2020.

Please do not copy my ideas, share them by any means, or use them.