Nobility [Kylo Ren]

VII

Once, Father told me-

"Saying what you truly want aloud will bring bad luck."

I took that seriously, even while I was with Kylo Ren.

He wore his mask to every meeting with me, which sometimes took hours. At first, we sat in silence together or he would watch me as I kept busy. He observed me as I practiced needlework and read poetry. Sometimes, I caught him reading along with me. I refused to speak with him for days after his interrogation. 

Today, he found me in the garden.

The garden was filled with foreign plants, the few that grew through the cracks in the stone path were clipped daily. I hoped a singular wildflower may persist through the cracks, remaining unnoticed by the maintenance staff. It could grow freely before being cut down harshly by the First Order. 

We stood together, once again in silence. He was without his mask today. Peering out of my peripheral, I admired his aquiline nose and deep set eyes. I wasn't able to control my glances, my eyes running up and down his face without a care. It became harder to control my air flow after looking at him. I started to breathe manually, trying to make it appear that my chest was rising and falling at proper timing.

After noticing me, he slowly turned to look at me and locked eyes. I swiftly looked forward again, as if I didn't even know he was beside me. 

His gaze remained on me as I ignored him. I wanted to know why he wanted to torture me this way- it would bother anyone to be stared at directly. With the amount of times he's mentioned how he senses me, he should be aware that he has quite an aura to himself. Kylo Ren was the type of man that could make time stand still when he entered a room. 

"Yes, Ren?" I asked him.

"How long must we be in the garden today?" He looked back over the flowers. 

"However long I please," I smiled to myself. "If you are to hold surveillance over me every day, we will do what I want."

"You're being purposefully stupid if you believe I'll be doing anything you say." He said.

"What would you have me do then?" I looked up at him, curious. 

When I looked up to him, I realized we stood much closer than we did any other day. His eyes looked down at me, mouth clenched tightly. I felt his gaze trace the gentle curve of my face to the pout of my lips.

"Never leave my sight." His voice was hard with the last word, firm in his intentions. 

"Is that truly what you want?" My face flushed, as I would have agreed to anything he said in this moment. 

"It's not what I want, it's what you must do." The resolution in his voice broke me from his trance. 

I felt like the air moved with him, even in it's stillness. It was soundless after he spoke, like the world waited on him. I wanted to grab hold of his gloved hand and demand a reasoning for what he said. 

Instead, I stood in my place beside him. His presence felt like it burned with a white heat. I struggled to regain myself.

"I only comply because I clearly have no choice, not out of kindness for you." I scoffed at him. 

"All you care for is meddling as a way to amuse yourself. I don't need your kindness. You carelessly mock me, unwilling to notice the place you're in. It's as if you can't help it." His said, brow furrowing. 

"Do you not meddle? You seem to have an embarrassment of riches." I asked.

I looked to him again, surprised, watching his body come closer. He was cautioned and reserved as he overlooked me. We must have been a foot apart, yet I swore I could feel his heat against me. 

"An embarrassment of riches?" He repeated me and continued, "I feel as if all of my options are being decided for me when I'm with you."

Kylo Ren's words would always leave me feeling as if all the wind was just knocked out of me. I swallowed hard, leaving my mouth dry. 

"You understand don't you, Felaeon?" He glared.

"I want to be oblivious to this." I said, blankly. 

Just as I was prepared to run off, leaving him once again, his leaned over. His face was beside mine, our skin nearly touching. I froze, unable to react before he spoke.

"We seem to be inside one another, somehow. We are connected even as we are apart. You and I have no choice in this connection." He said softly.

I urgently withdrew from him, my confidence melted away. Kylo Ren's powerful eyes were still on me, watching me as I moved my head back.

His figure remained intense and threatening, his face looked uneasy when I pulled back. His mouth contorted as if to say something but the entirety of his existence held him back. Whatever he wanted to say seemed like it was a deferred dream, unable to ever be uttered. His hazel eyes held the galaxy to me, depth and dark and all.

"Ren." I whispered, almost inaudible in my disbelief. 

I wondered how he could say something like that so calmly, into my ear. He said it so gently as if it could float away at any moment. This no longer felt like reality, it felt like my dreams at night. It felt like the dreams I had of him speaking his own prose into me, something I understood to be poetry. 

He leaned more, carefully, now inches from my face. I shut my eyes in fear of what was to happen. I was centered on him, the only man I'd ever been so close to. I no longer even existed in my mind, it was just him. He was right, he was inside me and filled me.

The bridge of his nose grazed mine, dangerously close. I felt like the blood flushed from my body, like death became me. I stared at his eyes which looked at my mouth. He followed the shape of my mouth with a longing stare. 

And he kissed me. 

Ren's soft, full lips pressed against mine. His hand raised and touched my upper arm, I felt it shake as it did. I kissed back instinctively, my eyes glued shut. The warmth of this kiss was sure to shift the tides of my heart. 

When we parted, my eyes remained closed for a moment. I couldn't bear to suffer the realization of what just happened. 

"Felaeon." His voice was hoarse. 

Before he could speak another agonizing word, I ran away.