𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑴 & 𝑯𝑶𝑷𝑬; 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑯𝑻𝑶𝑵

chapter 4

luke's POV:

the first thing that i noticed when i woke up in the morning was the pounding in my head.

my head was throbbing, worse than it normally does when i drink.

i must have been fucking shit-faced

i rubbed a hand over my face and looked for my phone, seeing it sitting on my bedside table along with a glass of water and some advil.

a small smile made its way only my face.

ashton done this.

i sat up and took 2 advil, and then drank the rest of the water.

small remnants of last night were coming back to me; i was starting to remember some things.

but there's no way-

did i really get him to dress me? and he actually fucking done it!?

what is wrong with me!? way to be fucking obvious about how you feel luke, you drop kick.

i sighed, looked around my room, jumping slightly when i see ashton standing at the door, leaning against the frame.

fuck he's hot as hell, always has been.

"morning lu, how are you feeling?" he asks, a small smile playing on his lips.

"eh, pretty shit, if i'm being honest. what about you? i know you didn't really drink as much," i replied, looking down at my hands.

ashton smiled more and walked over to sit next to me.

"i'm fine, i had a great sleep. i actually haven't slept that well in so long, it was really good," he said, looking at me with a happy glint im his eyes.

and god, the fact that he finally looked happy nearly made my heart break out of pure happiness for the older boy.

i'm so fucking proud of you ash, you have no goddamn idea.

"that's great, ash. i'm happy to hear that. what made last night different?" i ask, wondering why he was suddenly so upbeat.

"i'm not sure. just felt...good. i felt safe." he said, staring right into my eyes as he spoke.

was it something to do with me? did i say something last night? fuck what did you do luk-

"hey, hey luke calm down bud, it's alright," he said, rubbing his hand on my back.

"what's got you so stressed lu?"

"i-did-"

i sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"did i say something last night? anything, to you, that might've been important?" i asked in hopes that drunk me was smart enough to not let anything stupid spill.

"umm...no. you didn't say-you didn't say anything. you're all good," he said, smiling reassuringly at me.

why did he hesitate. oh god-

"are you lying?"

if there was one thing ashton knew about me, it was that i was very straightforward, unless it was my feelings. i was very good at keeping those hidden for a very long time.

i mean, i'd been in love with ashton for the past 5 years but no one talks about that. yolo.

"...no?" he hesitated, face going red.

shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck.

you've kept it to yourself for the last 5 goddamn years luke! how the fuck could you just ruin it with a few drunk words? you're so fucking stupid!

"what...umm-what did i say?" i asked anxiously, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

he looked into my eyes, going a little red.

"it's nothing serious luke, you were drunk and completely out of it. you don't need to keep freaking out," he said with a nervous chuckle.

"you're lying to me. what did i say?"

i was nearly angry at this point. not at ashton, never at ashton, but myself. how could i be so careless? i could've ruined out whole friendship over some selfish fucking words. i'm such an idiot!

"luke it's o-" he began, but i cut him off.

"god dammit ashton what the fuck did i say!?" i yelled, slamming my hands down on the bed, causing ashton to severely flinch.

and just like that all anger left me, and so did i happy little spark in ashtons eyes.

fuck luke you fuckwit!! look what you've done! fuck!

"fuck ashton i'm so fucking sorry. i'm sorry!" i said, instantly getting up and wrapping my arms around him tightly.

"i'm so fucking sorry ash, i didn't mean to. fuck i'm sorry. you don't have to tell me, i'm sorry-"

"stop saying sorry. it's okay, you just scared me a little bit" he chuckled, but i don't know if he was lying or not.

"are you sure? i'll never hurt you ash, never. i wouldn't ever dream of it. i'm so fucking sorry babe i promise," i said, not noticing my slip up.

"did you just call me babe?" he asks, confusing me.

did i? well shit. you're good luke, real fucking good.

"i'm sorry-it was just a slip up. i didn't mean anything by it, i mean, i'm straight, haha," i said, anxiety filling me.

ashton looked a little upset and disappointed with that response, so he just nodded and looked down.

"you called me 'my love'."

huh?

"what?" i asked, confused at what he was talking about. my love?

"last night, i helped you get dressed. after that we stood close, i pulled away, you pulled me back and said, 'thank you, mon amour' which means my love. that's what you said last night, but you're obviously straight so it doesn't really matter does it? it was just a drunk slip up, not something you meant, so it doesn't fucking matter," he snapped, pulling away from me and walking out the door.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i'd scared him away again.

he's mad at me again.

why can't i just keep my mouth shut? why don't i have a filter?

why do i keep unintentionally hurting the person i care about most? why?!

why did i tell him i was straight when it was a perfect time to maybe, just maybe tell him im not. fuck! i'm such a dumbass!

and lastly, why was he so upset? why was he so angry that i said i didn't mean what i'd said last night? (which i did mean). what made him so angry with me?

all these confusing thoughts were hurting my head more than it was already hurting, and all i wanted to do was just make sure that ashton is okay.

i needed to go see if my baby is okay, because my own happiness depends on it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

this was meant to be fluff but then i thought nahhh. also, it was in luke's pov, what did you think of how he feels?👀

anyways, don't forget to vote and comment x

i love y'all, stay safe,
-grace <3