Gay Panic (Josuke x Okuyasu)

Chapter 11

My heart was beating out of my chest and I could barely focus. The bell was about to ring, signalling the end of English class and I couldn't be any more anxious. I can do this, I can tell him. I took a deep breath and tried and ease the uneasy feeling in my stomach. God, I'm so nervous. Why does this have to be so damn hard? Why can't I just go up to him and say it? The ticking of the clock echoes in my ears as I bite my lip, tapping my pencil softly. For once in my life, I wanted class to last just a bit longer. Maybe then I'd be able to pull myself together. I jump slightly as the bell rings, my anxiety getting the best of me before I got back ahold of it.

I left the class, nervously walking over to Okuyasu's locker. This is a horrible idea, I'm so stupid! No, no I can't think like that or I'll just back out and be a chicken. By the time I reached Okuyasu's locker, my hands were shaky and I felt like I could just scream. If this went horribly wrong and he rejects me, I might have to be angry with Koichi. No, I can't blame him. I shouldn't. I took a long, deep breath and put on a smile as Okuyasu quickly approached me. He gave me a big smile, giving me his signature loud greeting. I gave one back, my smile never leaving my face.

"Want to just go get a sandwich or something?" He asks. "I've been wanting one." I nodded and we headed out of the school, my heart never ceasing it's pounding. We walked along, small talk taking over most of our conversation. I think he could tell that I was nervous about something, but he didn't say anything. While we were walking in town, we passed by Koichi and Yukako, who both have me a smile and thumbs up. Oh boy, did Koichi tell her? Probably. That just makes me even more nervous. What am I supposed to say if he doesn't feel the same? What would I tell them? 'oh yeah, Koichi, you were totally wrong and now he kind of hates me'? I don't think I could say that without bawling my eyes out.

We got to the sandwich place rather quickly, joking a bit and talking while we got our food and left. C'mon, I have to do this. As we walked along, we found somewhere to sit where people wouldn't bother us. It was in a nice park only a few blocks from the school. There were a few other people from our class here, but they were all doing their own thing. Alright, now is the perfect time. Do it while nobody else is around to see it and make fun of you. Do it while nobody can see you get rejected. I took a deep breath, stealing glances at him ever now and then.

"Hey dude, you alright? You're barely eating." Okuyasu asks, looking me in the eye. I nodded and hummed slightly.

"Yeah, I'm alright. I've just-" I cut myself off and sighed. I'm being so stupid, why can't I just say it? Okuyasu stares at me, waiting for me to continue as my face begins to heat up. "I've just been feeling so stupid." He gives me a weird look before looking away for a split second.

"What do you mean?" He asks. "You're not stupid." I bit my lip softly and looked down to my feet, not necessarily knowing how to correctly go about this conversation.

"I mean my feelings." I said. That's better, but I do feel stupid for feeling them. "My feelings are stupid." I sigh and fiddle with my thumbs, my heart pounding against my ribcage.

"Is this about that crush you got on some boy?" He asks, his voice dropping slightly. I nodded softly and he lets out a sigh. "Well you should just go for it. If he doesn't like you, that's his problem." He states firmly. His voice drops slightly more. "They'll be lucky to have you, ya know." I looked back up to him and smiled slightly.

"Ya think so?" I ask, a slight smile on my face. He nods softly and hums. I take a deep breath and try my best to think of what to say next. I can't just go right out and say it, could I? No, that would be crazy. "I'm just worried that if they don't feel the same, I could loose them. I don't know if I could live without them by my side." I say quietly. Hopefully he would pick up that it was him. He was the only one I ever needed by my side.