The Summer The Price Was Right

Jackie-Jackie's Secret

August 10, 1978

Breathing heavily, I pull my lips from Steven's reluctantly. "Who would have thought a dirty freak like you could kiss like that? You make Michael look bad".

He doesn't move his arm from around my shoulders, grinning. "Jackie, I'm such a good kisser, I make you look good too".

"Oh please, I'm the third best kisser of the junior class".

With that, we go back to making out, his hand snaking up from the seat of the El Camino and around my shoulders, through my hair and down onto my boobs. He begins to grab them, moving them in little circles, and my hand reaches from its place on his chest, down his stomach and into his pants.

"Hmm" I let out inadvertently through our kiss, admiring.

"Jackie, don't act so surprised that I'm bigger than Kelso".

Our lips find each other again, our tongues doing little flips and fireworks in each other's mouth. With Michael, I felt like I had to plan everything, like each step in our relationship had to be marked by rules and expectations. But with Steven, it feels natural, real, so wrong and so right. He hasn't forced me to do anything I don't want to do (so far, this is pretty much the furthest we've gotten). Somehow I haven't rushed into making him commit, tried to put a label on it. I know this can't go on. Summer never lasts anyway. But for now, this is too perfect to pass up. And who knows if he has really changed enough to actually be my boyfriend? Steven's never dated a girl for longer than two weeks. Of course, he's never dated Jackie Burkhart, but even I don't know if I could get a "you're my girlfriend" out of him.

Finally it dawns on me how late it is. "Steven...can you take me home please?" My parents aren't home, but he doesn't need to know that. "Daddy promised me new hot rollers if I follow curfew for a week but then Jill from cheer told me about this better model and yesterday at the Hub-" I realize I'm rambling as he rolls his eyes, and for some reason I don't want Steven to see me that way. "Anyway".

"C'mon, just a little longer".

"No, listen to me-" I say, giggling, but then I pull him to me again, unable to stop myself.

-Thirty Minutes Later-

"Okay, I really need to go now. Daddy will kill me" I tell him sadly, smoothing my hair down.

"Jackie, I didn't know your dad is turning into Red. But yes, dear" he says.

My heart soars. I love his moments of being a gentleman, moments that are happening more and more as long as we are miles away from another person.

As soon as we get to my house, I can tell everything is wrong. Rosa, my maid, is standing outside the front door, pacing all over our perfectly manicured lawn.

"Jackie! There you are! I hate to have to tell you but-"

I cast a pained look at Steven as I get out of the car.

"Rosa, can this wait like one minute?" I ask apologetically.

"No, miss! I'm sorry! I think your parents are splitting up! Your father went off on one of his business trips, and I heard your mother yelling at him. Something about arrest, bribery. Something about leaving him".

I stare at her shocked, hating so much Steven is here. How did she find this out?

"Where is she?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"I don't know".

With that, I sink into despair. It wasn't like I didn't see this coming-Mom and Daddy are hardly the perfect happy couple I make them out to be and Mom has run off before-but this time it is almost too much to take. I don't know if I should cry, puke, rip up my new blouse or what. And of course Steven has to see this. Has to see what a terrible family I really have. I look helplessly back at him, unable to go back into the house. His sunglasses and the dark of the night do nothing to conceal his shock. Despite my state, I feel a tiny bit of pride that I was able to make him that surprised. But it does nothing for how I feel, wondering if my parents will ever come back.

Rosa snaps me out of my trance. "But, Jackie. She left a message. She'll be back in two weeks. Still, I'm very sorry. If there's anything I can do-"

I sigh. At least she plans on coming back, but who knows how long this will last. "Thanks, Rosa. But I'll be fine, okay? Please don't stick your nose into my business", I snap, unsure if I should be angry at her for spying on my parents or grateful for telling me the truth. I just know that I can't be here right now. That I just want to get my mind off this. To not be alone. I shudder and look away from the house and back at the El Camino. God. But I don't know if I can be with Steven right now either...my life is just falling apart...

Steven's voice shakes me out of the darkness. "Come on, Jackie. Let's go to the Hub". I look back at him, considering. He might not be sympathetic about this, but maybe that's what I need right now. I can't stand pity. And maybe...just maybe...with his whorey mom and alcoholic dad he'll understand. I'll take this as a badly timed test to see if he's worthy of my love.

"Well, clearly my Hallmark card idea of your family was wrong" he says as I get back in the card, chuckling a bit but shaking his head. I sigh. "Steven, can we not talk about it?". He nods, looking a bit relieved.

Somehow, the drive back is exactly what I needed. The Hub is closed at this hour, but Steven gets us chips to eat in the car from the 24 hour mini mart. I can tell for once, he's making an effort to have a light conversation. After the conversation turns to the horror of old people getting high for some reason, he tells me a story about when he first moved in with the Formans where they accidentally tried some of his pot brownies and Mr. Forman ended up selling Eric's car. I don't think he's ever really told me a story before-I do enough of that for the both of us-and I realize that it is his way of making me feel better. I catch myself laughing despite the fact my whole world might be ruined. He hasn't expressed his sympathy, but somehow I don't mind cause I can tell he feels it. He hasn't pressed for details or made me feel like less of the legendary cheerleader than I am, and for that I am immensely grateful. Steven actually understands what I am going through.

We yawn, one after the other, and I realize the clock on his dashboard reads 4:03 AM. "You can take me home now. I think I'll be okay". He nods and heads in the direction of my home in comfortable silence. Finally we reach the house, all ghastly and uninviting in the moonlight. "Jackie" he says as I get out of the car. "Hey, you did nothing wrong. Trust me, I know how it feels". He looks genuinely concerned, and I know he means it.

"Thanks, Steven. This actually helped, it really did" I reply, not wanting to say too much. So he'd really listen to the fact this meant the world to me, so he wouldn't just roll his eyes. I make my way up the stairs and through the door of my house, terrified but somehow not alone.