We're Forbidden// Historical Lams

I Don't Know What To Do

Alex's POV

John ended up staying the night, and we... did some things. When I woke up the next morning, I was holding John in my arms. I smiled softly down at him, then leaned down to gently press a kiss to his forehead. He looked so cute when he was asleep.

At my touch, his eyes slowly flickered open, looking up at me. John sat up and leaned into me, I wrapped my arms around him and we just sat there, him in my arms.

" Laurens?"

He glanced up at me with a loving look in his eyes. " Yes?"

I stumbled over my words a bit as I said, "Eliza is getting home today, so as much as I wish you could stay..."

John nodded as he understood what I was meaning, but he looked a bit disappointed. I couldn't pretend I wasn't either. I would much rather just be alone with my John Laurens all day.

We both got out of bed and got dressed as quickly as possible. The last thing I needed was for Eliza to just walk in on my best friend and in naked. That could raise some questions.

"Thank you so much for last night," I told John as we said our goodbyes near the door. He blushed and gave me a quick hug before leaving, pulling the door closed behind him. As soon as he was gone, I leaned against the door and slid down to my knees.

I am so lost. I'm in love with my best friend and he loves me back. But I have a wife. Speaking of Eliza, she should be home any second now. Should I leave Eliza to be with John? How would that even work, though?

I can't be with John publicly, we'd be killed and I could never let Laurens get hurt because of me. And I can't simply abandon Eliza. She's too kind and selfless, it would break her heart. I don't want to do that.

Everything about my life right now just makes me want to die, or at least go into a deep coma.

I just don't know what to do.