Walk me through the dark

34

Once they got in, ordered their coffees and sat down Reid felt his heart rate starting to slow a little.

"Listen dude I gotta question"

"Hmm" Spencer hummed, blowing on his coffee a few times

"You gay?" The question made Spencer cough a little into his cup.

"What?"

"Im just say, you totally give off the vibes"

"Im, i'm not"

"You're not?"

"No"

"Its cool if you are!" Brandon held his hands up, "i'm not, but i'm totally chill with it"

"Well im not"

"Oh, ok"

"Only 1.7% of men are gay, you probably meet more bisexual people than gay people"

"Are you bi?"

Spencer just shrugged, he didn't know, never really thought about it.

"Dunno, don't really care"

"You don't care?"

"Why do you care? "

"Good point, so your job?"

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

"Because! As your friend-"

"Friend?"

"Yes friend, we are friends now, you don't get a choice, and as your sponsor, it's important for me to know things about you"

"It's really not"

"Yea, how many of your other friends know you're in AA? That you even have a problem?"

That shut Spencer up,

"See, so who else is going to be there for you? Who knows what you're going through?"

"Morgan does," Reid mutters into the rim of his coffee cup.

"Whose Morgan? Your girl?"

"He's my friend"

"The friend you promised that you'd go to AA for?"

"Yea"

"Listen, from my own experience, it's best to just get new friends, even if they want what's best for you, no one understands that addiction is a lifelong thing. Once they see that it's still a problem a week from now, they get frustrated. It's easier to cut ties now."

"No" even though Spencer's voice was firm, and his eyes glared at Brandon, the anxiety made his lungs contract and his spine get itchy. "Morgan is family" Spencer was glad his voice and body language isn't showing that his fear of being abandoned again, of being left behind by his current family, from losing those closest to him once again, was again flaring up inside him.

"Listen, I need to get home, get to work tomorrow," Spencer finished the last of his coffee and started to stand up.

"Whoa wait," Brandon stood up, stepping to the side so he blocked Spencer's easiest way to leave. "Did you not like what I said so you're running away?"

"No, I didn't like what you said, but I'm not running away. Its late, I have work"

"We've hardly been out, how have you even finished your coffee that quickly? " Brandon held up his own cup that was still almost full.

"Brandon, I need to go, I'll see you next week."

"But wait"

"No, good bye" And with that Spencer pushed past Brandon and left the starbucks. He crossed the road quickly, hardly glancing to check for oncoming traffic. Once he got to the subway he ducked into a car and quickly sat down, his eyes scanning to look for Brandon, to make sure he didn't follow him. He didn't keep his head up for too long though, his eyes quickly finding his converse and focusing on the smudge he had on the toe of his right shoe. His fingers tapping rhymically against his bag, shaking his head slightly so his hair would cover his face. Once he reached his stop, he worked on autopilot to get back to his apartment. His mind reeling, jumping from thought to thought but always coming back to the fact that he's a mess, that his friends will notice that soon and get some sense to leave him. Soon, he will be alone once again. He found himself standing in the doorway of his dark apartment.

He was alone right now.

He slapped the light switch, shuttering slightly as the darkness reached toward him. The light wouldn't turn on, the dark trendles where climbing up his legs, sucking the warmth from him. He reached again, a grunt leaving his lips, his hand slapping the wall a few times before finally finding the switch. The darkness was settling into his spine, the chill making his shoulders tense up. Finally the light came on, he let out a sigh as the darkness snapped away. Leaving him to run his hands down his face to try and gather himself.

He walked further into his apartment, letting his bag fall to the desk on his way to the couch, his heel coming back and kicking the door closed. He reached the couch and sat down with a loud sigh, letting his head fall back and stare at the celin.

"I need to calm down" he whispers, the strain on his throat from his head being bent back making his voice sound thin. "He's not going to leave" He tries to reassure himself.

He should. Honestly, the whole team would probably be better off without Spencer, they wouldn't need to be worrying about him all the time, could probably save money somehow.

Gideon has been pulling away lately, maybe he finally realized that Spencer was nothing worth trying for. His father left, his mother had to be sent away, he's never had friends. What's one more mentor leaving?

Spencer tightened his hands into fists, trying to get his hands to stop shaking.

Lately, Gideon wouldn't play chess with Spencer, won't take him with him places anymore.

"Gideon wishes they never found you that night"

The new voice made Spencer jump off the couch, turning around to look for the source of the voice. It sounded like the man was leaning over the back of the couch, leaning right into his ear.

No one was there.

"Don't you wonder why it took them so long to come find you?" The voice was in his ear again. He lurched away, turning to look for the voice.

Once again, there was nothing but air.

"Th-they found me, they got me, I'm fine" Spencer snarled, closing his eyes tightly and bringing his hands up to wrap in his hair.

"You're not fine" The voice laughs, the hollowness of the voice made Spencer's skin crawl. Spencer stepped toward his desk, his phone was in his bag, he just needed to call someone.

"Why call? So they can ignore their work and just focus on you? On how pathetic you are?"

"Shut up!" Spencer moaned, clapping his hands over his ears. He bent over, letting out a grunt in frustration.

"I, I, I just need"

"You, you, you" the voice was mocking him, "you need what? Help? Because you're a baby?"

"Morgan-"

"No, you know what you need." the voice purred in his ear, making his skin prickle and his feet stumble under him, making him almost smash headfirst into the corner of his table.