How To Not Get The Girl

#1: Show Up In Your Dad's Ugly Car

They were everywhere, attacking me from all sides. They came quickly and stealthily, and tried to shoot my way but missed. Gun in hand, I ran toward someone on my side, my heart hammering against my rib cage, but I didn't make it. A dude in all black popped up from behind a destroyed car and prepared his gun. A black bullet shot right at my face, spinning like it was in slow motion.

HD blood splattered on the screen as I threw my controller on the floor, but I remained in the chair. I was so close to beating those guys! What could I have possibly done wrong? I threw my hands up in defeat.

The screen went black, and I stared at my reflection in in for the first day of sophomore year.

Conrad Peter Cael, Connor for short. Average height. Skinny. Barely any muscle, if any at all. Blond hair- that I decided not to brush (because who has time for that?)- that flopped over my forehead in puffy layers, I think they're called. Plain black T-shirt. Pale skin. Dark green eyes.

People (i.e. my mom and sister) say my hair makes me look like a jock (my sister also says that's the only attractive feature on me but I know she's lying- all of my features are attractive!). But I am in no way a jock. I would die if one day I turned into a jock, running around on grass kicking or throwing a ball into a net and sweating like a pig. Even the thought was disgusting. I'd much rather play Call of Duty at home with a bag of chips.

"CON, GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWNSTAIRS," my sister screamed from downstairs.

I tried to resist the urge to be sarcastic but it got the best of me. "Coming, my dear, sweet Laurel!" I chirped as I ran down the creaky stairs with my backpack.

She glared at me. She must be having one of her "18-year-old mood swings", as my dad called them. Very clever name.

I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and poured myself some Frosted Flakes. I poured apple juice into the bowl. Yes, I meant to do that- it sounds gross, but it tastes like cake.

"Laurie, eat your breakfast please. Without your phone," my dad told her. She reluctantly sat down with her phone in her back pocket.

Mom and Dad asked me if I was ready to go to school and if I had everything, as usual. Laurie sat there nibbling on her toast avoiding eye contact, as usual. Normal morning at the Cael house.

I nearly knocked my chair over as I put my bowl in the sink and gathered my stuff. "I need a ride to school," I told my parents. I was going to turn 16 in two week, but I only had my learner's permit. I have to admit, it's a little embarrassing- a lot embarrassing actually- showing up in your dad's rusty, almost-falling-apart Toyota from 1989.

The thing was a weird tan color, the same shade as my hair, and the the bumper was covered with stickers. Inside, the upholstery was falling off the seats and it smelled like the boys' locker room, even though there was a "new car" air freshener dangling from the front-view mirror.

I sat down in the passenger seat of the car and propped my backpack on my lap. We pretty much rode in silence except for my dad asking about ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.

"Do you have your cellphone?"

"Do you have everything you need?"

"Where should I drop you off?"

"WHERE IS YOUR SCHOOL."

"Dad," I said, looking at him as he was pulling into the school parking lot, "relax."

There were about a million people in the parking lot, either stepping out of cars or catching up with their friends. I bid my dad goodbye and he left. I noticed a girl staring at me like I just stepped out of a spaceship. Her eyes followed me as I walked closer to the school. Then she turned to her (hot) friends and started whispering and giggling. Typical teenage girl things.

I ignored that and tried to find my friends. The sky was gloomy, like it was going to rain. To be honest, I preferred this over sun any day.

Someone jumped at my back and someone else grabbed my backpack from my hands. "Carter! Matt!" I grinned at them, and Matt threw my bag back to me.

"'Sup, bro," Carter yelled in my ear when he got off my back. He brushed his brown hair out of his eyes. His forehead was covered in a few pimples, making most of his face look bright red. That, or it was sunburn for only his face.

"What's with your face?" I asked, actually interested. Carter had once gotten pecked by a bird, and the spot looked like a pimple for weeks.

"Just pimples this time," he replied, still grinning.

I turned to face Matt. He had cut his brownish red hair, which made his face seem more.... masculine, I guess. And he had gotten a nice tan too, unlike me, who stayed inside the whole summer. "Dude! How was Hawaii?"

"Cool. But I had to eat pineapple. Every. Freaking. Day." he stressed.

"But it's better than sitting in Connecticut for tow months."

He shrugged. Then Carter changed the subject. "What homeroom do you guys have?"

We found out we all had the same one. There were three minutes until we had to be inside, so we started heading to the door.