She wakes up drenched in her own sweat, mouth dry, and eyes puffy from all the tears that had been shed. Yet another nightmare awoke her in the early hours of the morning, a faint ray of sunlight pushes its way through the gap in her curtains. She calms down her breathing gazing around her room to remind herself of where she is and that she is safe. Her heart slowly stops pounding in her ears and returns to its natural slow and steady rhythm as if it hadn't just tried to jump right out of her chest. She lies back down in her bed, her head gently sinking back into the pillow. The wet patches from her tears stroke her cheek as she relieves the tension from her neck making her head feel heavy once more.
As she lay there, staring at the ceiling, remnants of the nightmare she just had flicker behind her eyes, too fast to concentrate on and gone within a blink. Within minutes, but what felt like a lot longer, those strong panicked feelings she felt disappeared along with whatever her nightmare was about. All she knew at this moment was that she was in her room, the place where she chose to be, and all the people who have hurt her in the past can't get her here... at least, not physically. Even though she cannot remember her nightmare, she knew exact which faces were haunting and tormenting her in her unconscious state.
She's had nightmares for as long as she can remember, but the more nightmares she had, the more her body started to react to them. It started off with just waking up with tears in her eyes, but quickly her body started reacting to the situations her nightmares were putting her in. She once woke up gasping for air as her body had stopped breathing, she dreamt that she was suffocating, with those hands tightly gripped around her neck. Or even that one time she dreamt she was shot and could still feel the pain of the wound long after the dream had passed. To truly understand what it is like, think of it in the same way as how the body reacts to falling in a dream. The leg spasms created causes the dreamer to believe this illusion of falling over. However, most people tend to wake from such a dream...
Strange thing, the mind body connection, it's there to help you discern dream from reality. Yet, the mind is a powerful thing. It can trick the body into thinking dream is reality, and then, what do you have left? In this case, a body that, instead of waking up, goes along with the nightmare. Perceiving it as reality, until that last moment where the mind remembers that dream is not reality and let's go of the body. Finally awaking only because the body's natural instinct of survival kicks in. That thin line between awake and sleep, feels more like a mountain than a veil.
She ponders for a while, to go back to sleep and to dream of horrors again or to get up out of this warm and cosy fluff that seems to hold her tight and not want to let her go into the cold, lonely world outside of her bed. After brief looking at her phone for the time, she decides it's too early to get up now, also, her body is tired from the restlessness caused by her nightmare. So back off to sleep she goes, hoping that maybe this time, her tiredness will prevent any form of dreaming to occur this time around. If she should be so lucky. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on her breathing. In through the nose, and out through the mouth. The doctor recommended she try meditation to help her sleep better, she thought that there's no way that would work. In truth, it partially worked, it helped her get to sleep a lot quicker... staying asleep however, that was another matter entirely.
As soon as she feels herself drifting off into deep slumber, a disturbance startles her awake. It was only her alarm informing her that it was time to get up and ready, even though it has been then same alarm she's had for years, she jumps at the noise coming out of her phone before leaning over and turning the alarm off. She rolls over onto her other side and groans into her pillow. Mornings are hard, not to mention when you've kept yourself up all night long. Tossing. Turning. Panicking. Though it is not necessarily mornings that are hard, the "getting out of the soft, warm blanket that has intertwined itself with you from all the moving in the night", that, is the hardest part of all.
The warmth a soft embrace promising safety, despite the terrors that had occurred not long before. However the light of day chases away the terrors of the night. She can sleep more freely in the day, the sun's rays on her, protecting, like a guard dog, as all trace of night fades away into nothingness. All darkness flickers out of existence until all that is left is the heat of the day. But the day is no time for sleeping. She will have to go through another day with little rest. The mind, the body, both with little sleep to recover from the struggles of the day before. The days go on like this.
The week, long and tiring, is filled with sleepless days and restless nights. How long before it all takes its toll? How many years have these demons taken from her? No place is safe from the mind. The darkness that lurks there is all consuming. A plague. Will the nightmares ever cease? Can anyone truely take control of an unruly mind?
She imagines herself waking up one day. No lingering fear or panic to be found. Not even noticing if she dreamt. For she longs for the day that the nightmares disappear as if they never were. That would be a beautiful dream indeed.
