What Makes a Man

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"Ada, eat the veggies" 

"No,  green. Yuck."  

Halos matawa ako sa naging reaksyon ni Dash ng sabihin iyon ng anak namin pero umayos ako ng tingnan ako nito.

"She hates veggies?" tumango ako bilang sagot at kita ko ang frustration sa mukha niya.

"why? hindi mo ba siya tinuturuan kumain ng gulay? she's a child and she needs it."

"Oh bakit galit ka? magulang ka ba niya?  Tatay ka?" it should come out as a joke but feels like my entire feelings are in there.

"eh ikaw? Nanay ka niya diba? pero bakit hindi mo ginagawa ang tungkulin mo bilang nanay? You're the mother and you should keep your child healthy! tapos ano to? ayaw niya ng gulay and you just let her!" 

I was taken aback with what he said. I looked at Ada who is happily eating dessert and ignoring the nutritious food- veggies. Am I a bad mother for spoiling her? Is this how to measure my credibility as a mother? No. It will never be.

"So tell me, paano ba maging mabuting magulang? Mind to teach me sir?" I am fuming mad in the inside but I don't want to make a scene especially in front of our child. 

"speechless? Boss kita alam ko yon pero wala kang karapatan na husgahan ako sa pagiging nanay ko sa anak ko. Lalo na kung wala kang alam sa mga pinagdaanan ko nung pinagbubuntis ko siya."

"bakit? ano ba ang mga pinagdaanan mo?" Seryosong sabi nito. Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya na tila umaasang eto na ba yon? Yung time na babawi na siya sa lahat ng oras na nawala sa aming dalawa? 

Pero yung kabang naramdaman ko ay unti-unting nawala dahil sa mga sumunod na salitang lumabas sa bibig niya.

"So that i can justify my words. You know what they say, don't judge the book by its cover so tell me. After you tell your story, then I will know if my words earlier are just trash or can be true."

I looked at Ada and smiled sadly. Damn, i don't need judgement.  Hindi ako nabubuhay para husgahan. My child, after all the sufferings we've been through here's your father judging me as a person and as your mother.

"Nanay..." huminto ito sa pagkain at tumingin sa akin na tila naiintidihan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"Let's go home na baby." tumago ito at nagpakarga na.

"So that's it? You're escaping? I see, dyan ka nga pala magaling."

Tumayo na ako habang karga si Ada na hindi man lang inabalang tingnan ang tatay niya. My poor baby.

"Yes, dito nga ata ako magaling. Magaling sa pagtakas. Hindi ba lahat naman nagiging magaling doon lalo na pag nasasaktan? Don't tell me you never experience it, sir.  Baka nga because you already have everything."

"ah nga pala, please don't judge me being an imperfect mother. I hate it because I am doing my very best to be the best mother for Ada. Wala kayong alam kaya wag kayong manghusga. You wanna know my story? Are you worth it?" 

Naghintay ako ng sasabihin niya pero wala and its my queue to go. Kahit masakit, tumakas ulit ako.

"nanay...tatay-"

"it's okay baby...he's not worth it.. for now.."

It's been weeks and my phone is off. I need to breathe from everything.

"Here's your juice Mrs. Archangel." Tinanggal ko ang sun glasses ko at napatingin sa staff.

"Thank you and i think you should start calling me by my name because I will no longer be the Mrs. Archangel after nextweek." napakamot nalang sa ulo yung staff pagkasabi ko nun at asiwang ngumiti bago nagpaalam.