What If?

Day Forty Two of Summer(9)

"Do you need me to drive you home?" Shawn pats my shoulder as we walk through the airport. It's eleven forty eight and we just got back to California.

We get out the front doors and there he is.... Hunter. I sigh, "Nah I guess my ride is here." Shawn glances over and gives me one more pat. I make my way over to him, seeing him stare at me as I walk over, "How long have you been standing here?"

"For the past five hours," he looks at his phone, "soon six." I bite my cheek, not knowing what to say to him. He opens the door, "Let's go." I knew this is going to be one awkward ass car ride as I threw my stuff into the car. We remained quiet for the whole trip, even when we walked into the house.

My grandma smiled at me, "Welcome home sweetie."

"Hey grandma," I kissed her cheek, "you shouldn't be awake right now! I'll tuck you in." I helped her to her bed and waited for her to go to sleep. I went out to the living room, seeing Hunter just staring out the window. I grabbed my stuff, "I'm heading to bed."

"You're right," he exclaimed, "it really isn't any of my business what you do with others. I have no control over your life or any say. Yeah, I may be your best friend but that doesn't give me any special privileges. So you're right." I looked up at the ceiling, cursing under my breath. He didn't hold back any punches, "I guess, because I thought that maybe... just maybe we could have something. Something more than what we apparently have. Now I know that isn't the case."

"Hunter," I huffed in annoyance, "I was pissed off okay? I haven't been in the best mood recently."

"And you think I have?" He shot back, "First you end up not coming home the night before you leave, I call you endlessly and you never pick up. Finally when you do, you yell and say it's none of my business. I go to confront Chandler and get made out as a fool Cody!" He points to himself and starts to shout, "I had to stand in front of him and find out that you two slept together! That you fucking crawled back to him and let him fuck you!"

My rage was climbing, "It was my choice Hunter. I don't need to run my life choices by you!"

"So everything," he seemed hysterical, "everything between us. The holding, touching and what I thought was attraction is nothing? That was just a pile of shit?" I didn't have any words for that. He placed his hand over his mouth, groaning, "You got broken because Chandler fucked with your feelings. Made you believe one thing but truly he was lying. Cody, do you understand how fucking hard this is?" I gave him a confused look, "You had the right to be pissed with him Cody, but me? I can't be angry with you because you were never mine! I'm the fucking idiot to think for a split moment that maybe you did want me!" That hurt a bit.

I stared at the floor, taking a deep breath, "I never asked you to like me."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He yelled, "You never asked me to like you...... this is a fucking joke."

I watched him walk around in circles, laughing at whatever he was thinking. He leaned over the sink, staring down at it. I felt the need to say something, anything but I have no clue what to say. "What can I do to make this better?" I muttered under my breath.

He didn't turn to look at me, "Just tell me the truth."

I ran a hand down my face, feeling pathetic. I took a seat in one of the kitchen chairs, leaning over a bit, "After shit went down with Chandler, it fucked me up. You came along and I had a distraction. Time went by and I began to... to use you to take my mind off of him." He scoffed when I said that. I bit my lip as I continued on, "You made me feel better... that's not a lie but I just didn't feel the way I felt for Chandler with you. Yes, I felt better and safe but that's because you're my great friend. Maybe there were times I wanted to kiss you, but never were they because deep down I wanted you.... it was to take my mind and want off of him."

He shook his head, snickering again, "I must be a fucking fool?"

"You aren't."

"Don't try to console me Cody," his tone was low and rough, "I'm.... I don't even know what the hell I feel."

I hung my head, "I'm sorry."

"No," he whispered, "that's not enough." He marched over to me, picking me up and throwing me over my shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing!"

"I don't believe you," he shut my bedroom door and threw me onto the bed. He climbed on top of me and pinned my arms.

"Hunter," I stared into his eyes, "what are you doing?"

"I don't believe you," he stared into my eyes, "how can I? There's no way you could do all of that and yet not feel a single thing." I could see his pain, his anger.

I didn't fight him. No. When he noticed I wouldn't, he let me go. I stayed under him, lifting one of my hands to his cheek. Caressing him softly, "Do what you want Hunter." He looked shocked. I felt.... pain looking at him, "Do what will make you feel better."

His hands balled up the sheets as he stared down at me. He whispered, "I hate you Cody. You have always been able to control me so easily." I lifted both of my hands to his face, rubbing his tears away.

I leaned up to him, pecking his eyes, "I'm so sorry Hunter." He pulled me into a hug, crying onto my shoulder. I rubbed his back, whispering into his ear, "I'm so sorry."