Unclaimed

Chapter Seventeen

My heart was racing as I tapped my phone against my chin. I couldn't decide if I really didn't want to or really did want to make the call. Finally, I flipped a fan on in the bedroom to try to lower Grady's ability to hear my conversation from his office since I had to assume he could hear me that well.

The phone only rang once before she picked up. "Charli! I didn't think you would ever talk to me again," Mom said.

"Were Luke and I ever together?" I asked without wasting time on a greeting.

"You remembered?" she whispered in shock.

She's going to do this every time. Pain gripped my heart and I squeezed my eyes closed. I hadn't known I was so close to crying until the tears poured out. "Fuck, Mom. I don't know. For a long time?"

"About three years I think."

"But I broke up with him in the middle, right? Do you know why?"

She sighed. "Charli, you were so mature. Luke was a little boy who lived in a fairy tale world where everything would work out because he wanted it to. You knew-"

"Because he was Alpha blood, right?" I already knew that was why I'd kept pushing Grady away, because there was history involved. "That's why I did it? And I made Aunt Lydia erase my memories of him so I wouldn't go running back? Was I happy with him?"

"No, you were terrified," she said as if she'd been defeated.

I nodded, biting my lip and wishing my breath would stop shaking. "Did I know he was going to bite me?"

"I don't know. When I got to you after you were marked, you were already wiped. You didn't know anything. I don't even know if you guys were still together then. I remember you fighting a lot before that night."

"How many times has my memory been wiped?"

"I truly don't know. Three, four times, maybe. It was always a secret to me until it was over. I only knew because you'd start talking to me again."

Again?  "I wasn't going to call. I still don't want to talk. I just wanted to see if you'd be honest. I'm busy. Gotta go." I hung up and started to dial Lily's number, but decided against it. I tapped my phone on my chin. Mom definitely said 'again.' So what did she do to piss me off that I only got over when I couldn't remember my time with Luke?

I huffed and pulled my knees to my chest to cry, but before I could start a moment of clarity- or maybe insanity - took hold of me and I called Lily. She didn't answer, but when her voice mail picked up I knew what I had to do. "Hey, Lily. It's Charli. I made my choice. No matter what I do, how much I beg, you can't take me back there. Some of the memories are coming back on their own and I don't want them all. It will change me, and things are really good with Grady right now. I can't lose him. I'll tell him when the mark is gone, but for now, I want to keep it a secret. Bye."

When I hung up, I felt a weight lift off my chest, but I still wept. Mom had told me what I asked her to, but somehow it confused me even more. I had dated Luke, and somehow I think I knew that all along, just under the surface. He fought for me, and lost his life to it. Remembering would just bring me more pain. I needed to let him go.

I forced myself to relive the dream over and over. I had to allow myself to feel the sadness I must have felt at sixteen to feel the need to have the memory of a guy I'd dated for two years erased. I had to feel the guilt for causing him that pain. I had to experience it all until it didn't hurt anymore so it couldn't have power over me. I had to move on so I could give my best effort to making a relationship with Grady, because I was more attached to him than I'd ever imagined.