When Will Mom Be Home?

Chapter Four

When the last bell rings for the day, I pack my laptop bag up and get out the door. I've been nervously shaking my legs, counting down the minutes till I don't have to pretend that I'm okay. When people ask, they don't want a real answer. They want me to say how I'm a big tough black man who doesn't feel shit. But I feel everything. The truth is, I feel so much that it hurts to breathe.

I knock on the cold wooden door loudly. Waiting in the building. Sometimes I forget where I came from. Rough streets of forest park Detroit.

Within seconds, I find my mother standing at the door.

"How was your first day back?"

"First day back? I took the week off...why everyone be acting like I've been on vacation a year?" I cock a brow while walking through the house beside my mother.

"Don't be smart with me, boy, you know what I'm saying"

"I'm sorry, ma" I sigh, "I just...I'm fine alright"

She nods.

"Like always, hmmm"

"I'll go get Jaz" I turn around quickly before

Standing above my sleeping baby in a dark room, all I see is Cassandra. I wonder if one day she'll stop sleeping so soundly and those sweet dreams will turn into vivid nightmares about what happened to her mother.

I wrap my arms around her warm body, lifting her to my chest slowly. Her head sits on my shoulder as I climb down the stairs. I kiss my mother goodbye before leaving the building. I can't help but think that it wasn't these rough streets on the east side that killed Cassandra, but the wealth and comfort that was the west side of Detroit.

My car sits at the curb. I buckle Jaz into her car seat before sliding into the driver's seat. When the engine begins purring, I look over my shoulder to see a sleeping Jazmin. That feeling returns inside my chest. My gut knots up and my throat begins to burn. I slam my head against the steering wheel in agony, as his voice begins to echo in my head.

"Watchya doin' boy? You crying?" My father mocked me, his eyes wide and violent. "No boy of mine be crying! You hear me Jalen, that's some bullshit, boys don't cry!" He screamed in my ear, pushing my small body against the wall.

I shoot my head up and exhale before pressing my head against the seat

"boys don't cry" I mutter under my breath before driving down the street.

When I get home, I find Beverley's car parked at the front of my suburban house. I lift Jazmin out of her car seat before meeting Beverley at the front door.

"Auntie Bevie" Jazmin grins.

"What are you doing here?" I ask Beverly while sticking the key into the door slot.

"It's hair day, Jalen," she says simply, making me blink in confusion. "Cass always did Jazzy's hair on Monday"

I freeze. Hearing her name out loud stuns me. I recover fast, nodding then pushing the door open.

"I forgot about that," I admit, placing Jaz onto the floor where she runs through the house. "I don't need you to do her hair, Bev"

Beverley folds her arms.

"Whose gonna do it? The fairies?"

I fold my arms.

"No, I will," I say firmly, "I don't need nobodies help when it comes to raising my own kid"

"You know how to do hair?" She cocks a brow. "She ain't no white girl where you tie her hair into a pony and send her on her merry way—"

"I know that!" I snap, "I don't need nobodies help, you got that?"

Her eyes become glassy and stern.

"Loud and clear" she turns around, leaves my house.

I sigh, falling back on the sofa. What the hell am I going to do about that girl's damn hair? I pull out my cellphone, tapping on the screen, searching black hair washing tutorials on YouTube. I look down at my wristwatch — growing resentful of the passing time. I don't have time for this, I have papers to grade. I fast forward the videos before calling to Jazmin to get her butt in the bathtub.

"You gotta detangle" Jazmin cries while sitting in the bathtub.

"Say What?" I cock a brow while quickly shampooing her 4C hair.

When I add the conditioner, Jazmin screams. Her hair is knotty and dry.

"Stop!" She begs.

"Jaz, its hair day" my voice is low.

"You're not doing it right!" She throws hands on top of her head.

"Sit still" I beg.

"I want mommy to do it!" Jaz cries, "mommy doesn't hurt me"

"Your moms not here anymore Jaz" I retort, my voice shaking. "It's just you me and now"

"Stop, daddy" she begins to sob.

I sigh, getting off the floor and walking into the next room. My daughters cry echoing through the house.

"Whatchu doin boy? Huh? boys don't cry!" His voice screamed. "What is this shit? You a girl now, huh? A little girl?"

I take in a sharp shallow breath, picturing my fathers face right up against mine while he yells that damn phrase in my ringing ears. I press my forehead against the wall before pressing on her name in my contacts. I shut my eyes, slowing down my breathing.

"You were right, I can't do this" I sigh, "I need your help, Bev"

"I'll be there in fifteen," Beverly says before ending the call.