hollywood dreaming

thirty-four

my number got changed and i felt like i was at peace now. i didn't feel as scared. we were in a different state. gus was doing shows every night and watching him made my heart full. i wanted to accept him back 100% into my life but my heart was scared. it is so terrified of getting broken again.

"maeve?" devin asked.

"what's up?" i asked.

"i've been talking to you for like 10 minutes." she said rolling her eyes.

"i'm sorry i was lost in thought." i said.

"we're all going to a party, are you coming?" she asked.

"yea let me get ready." i said.

i got dressed and didn't bother to put makeup on. i walked out to see devin and tracy making out. i rolled my eyes and walked out of the bus. i saw gus standing against the bus smoking a cigarette. i walked over and stood next to him. i lied my head on his shoulder and just sighed.

"what's wrong mae?" he asked.

"i'm not sure. i think i'm home sick or something." i mumbled.

"i'm sorry i asked you to come with us." he said.

"no don't be sorry! i'm really enjoying myself and i've made so much money but i just miss my bed." i laughed.

"i love you." he whispered.

"i love you gus." i said.

"give me another chance mae, please." he said.

"gus i-" i started.

"look you don't have to say yes right now, just think about it please." he said, "i love being around you and i love having you in my life. i promise you i won't even look in another girls direction."

"i'll think about it gus." i said smiling at him.

"thank you." he said hugging me.

devin and tracy came out of the bus looking a disheveled. i rolled my eyes and raised my eyebrows at devin. i shook my head and she winked at me.

"now that you two are done eating each other can we go?" i asked.

"peep, someone needs to get laid." devin 'whispered' to gus while pointing at me.

"devin you're on thin ice." i said. she laughed and got in the uber.

when we got to the party it looked like a trap house. reminded me of where i met gus. i smiled at the memory of the first night we met. it was an instant click.

we walked in the house and the smell of weed smacked me in the face. i was used to the smell but this was so strong i think i got a contact high. alcohol bottles were scattered around the house along with over 30 people. the house was packed. gus grabbed my hand and squeezed it and i was so thankful of this gesture.

"let's go get a drink." he whispered as devin and tracy snuck off into the crowd.

he led me to the kitchen where the least amount of people were. he helped himself to a beer from the fridge and grabbed me out one as well. he opened it and handed it to me. i took a sip while i felt his eyes scanning over my body.

"when we get back do you want to go on a date?" he asked me, playing with the tab on his beer. his eyes focused on it and i smiled at his nervousness.

"i would like that." i said.

"really?" he asked, now looking at me.

"yes, silly." i said grabbing his free hand.

i laced our hands together and led him to the crowd of people. i hated crowds and tight spaces but everything felt okay when i was with gus. it felt like no one else was in the room except us two. cliche, i know, but i never got that until now.

my back was pressed against his chest and his free hand was now on my hip. his hand held me tight while his other one gripped his beer. i grinded my hips against his and his grip grew tighter on my hip. our bodies moved with the music. his lips made their way next to my ear and all i felt next was him nibble at the bottom of my ear.

"you're so beautiful." he whispered to me.

i spun myself around, now facing him, and planted a soft kiss to his lips. my free hand made its way to the nape of his neck and fiddled with his hair. i took a sip of my beer then, my eyes found his. they were darker than usual, filled with lust.

"i'll text devin." i said, "order the uber."

i texted devin and told her we were leaving early. we waited about 10 minutes for the uber. we sat in the back seat, gus's leg was bouncing up and down and his hand was gripping my thigh. every few minutes he'd give my thigh a tight squeeze and it'd send shivers all over my body.

when we made it back to the bus, me and gus went to the back room. gus lied face down on the bed and confusion struck me. i sat next to him and rubbed his back. his whole body was shaking and now i was worried.

"gus what's wrong?" i asked.

"i don't want to lose you ever again mae." he cried.

"gus i'm here." i said.

"i was so miserable without you." he sobbed, sitting up and burying his face into my neck.

"i was miserable without you too gus. i'm here to stay, i promise." i said running my hands through his hair.

"i'm sorry." he mumbled.

"you have nothing to be sorry for gus."

"you were probably expecting to come back and fuck, i'm such a pussy." he said.

"you're not a pussy for showing your emotions." i said.

"look at me gus." i said.

"no." he mumbled.

"gustav elijah ahr, look at me." i said. his puffy, brown eyes met with mine and i softly kissed his forehead.

"i love you okay...i'm willing to get back together with you, i just wanna take things slow." i sighed.

"i can do slow." he said, his smile wiping the sadness out of his expression.

"let's change and get to sleep." i said.

we changed and crawled in bed. i lied my head on his chest and fell asleep to the sound of his steady heartbeat.