The Blind Musician

Chapter 12

Finding someone who is right is hard because you never know if they like you back, and telling them they like you can be so hard because they're reply is what stops you from telling them.

I was beyond nervous at that time when I thought of confessing to you. When you walked into the garden full of snow with that blue snow coat, I felt as if the time had stopped. As you came closer and smiled at me, I couldn't find the words to even start with. I don't know what gave me the confidence, but I told you. I told you that I loved you! You surprised face and silence had me panicking so much that I couldn't wait for your answer and just disappeared.

It's hard because if they don't feel the same then it just makes things awkward and will never be the same so its hard, and you can never trust someone fully until you realise what they are really like, and shit happens that people regret and others cannot forgive, trying to talk to someone but feeling they do not put in the same effort so you feel shit, wanting to tell someone something but not having the balls, getting rejected, regrets. You always look out for every sign they give but you usually find more signs that they only want to be friends rather than more than friends. They will speak to you and be cute for a few days then they just won't speak at all. You see them in town with other people and you become so jealous because you want to be the only person that they're with but you know they would never ditch their friends for you, and whenever you see them you can't stop staring at them and when they see you staring back at you, you don't know whether to smile or just look away.

You don't know if they stare back at you the same way you look at them. If they like you as much as you like them. Or if you're just another girl they speak to in their free time when their usual girl isn't online. And when they don't speak to you and you're just left there, waiting, wondering about all the things they might be ignoring you for, and you always end with the same solution. They have someone better to talk to. But when they do pop up and you get that huge buzz, even though it rarely happens. You think of all negative things of yourself, you start to feel awful. You play some sad tunes that will help you relate to your problems, but you don't tell anyone because you don't want to be judged. You over analysed it. When you re-read the conversations, they're not even that good, but at the time you where thinking that it was amazing, but you only saw that at the time because that is what you were wishing.