OBX Imagines

Before He Was JJ (Part Five) - Rudy Pankow Imagine

You guys have no idea how hard this was for me to write tonight... I think it turned out alright though. Also sorry this took me a little longer to get out than I thought...

Summary: You and Rudy have been married for a while and you want to start your family. However, nature has another idea for you.

Word Count: 1.2K

Warnings: None

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After months of being happily married, Rudy and I agreed something was missing. He was still dreaming of a life in acting, but my dreams were different. I dreamed of our family. We had moved from Alaska to LA and life for him was picking up. I loved that more than anything, but I wanted something that only he could give me. I wanted a kid. Someone to look after and raise. Nothing would make me more overjoyed than a little Rudy running around. After weeks of talking about it we were on the same page. We wanted to start our family.

Months had gone by since we made that decision. We had tried and tried, but nothing was working. I was worried that it was me. I was worried that the universe didn't want me to be a mother. Rudes assured me that wasn't the case and told me it would happen when it was supposed to. I don't think he could see the emotional toll it was taking on me though.

I sat in our bathroom and cried while he was on set. Another day, another test that came back negative. There was nothing more that I wanted. I threw the test away and crawled into bed, breaking down. We had been trying for months and I couldn't tell what was wrong with me. I broke down, unable to control the sobs that escaped my mouth. I was crying so hard that I didn't hear the door open. I didn't hear Rudy's voice ask if I was okay. I didn't hear him open our bedroom door. I felt his hand rub my back as he sat on the edge of the bed. He knew I've been upset lately, but he's never seen me break down like this.

"Sweetie, don't cry," he said. He rubbed circles in my back, trying to comfort me. I think he could tell that it wasn't making me feel better though. He pulled me into his arms and held me. "Maybe it isn't the right time, baby."

"What's wrong with me?" I wailed, ignoring his statement. "I want it so badly!"

He caressed the side of my face and kissed my forehead. I sobbed into his chest as he laid with me. He told me that it wasn't my fault. He told me that it was out of our hands. Nothing he could say would make me think this wasn't my fault though.

After a little bit of time to cry and cool down, he told me he was going to make dinner. He kissed the top of my head and left me there. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to do anything. I knew I would make Rudy worry if I stayed in there all night though. I walked out and sat at the bar, watching him cook. My heart filled up with happiness as I saw him making all my comfort foods. I smiled a little bit as he put some music on and held out his hand. I smiled and took it. When we were teenagers and I was upset, Rudes would always turn on some music and spin me around. No matter where we were, we would dance and he would make me smile. Whenever we did this, I felt better because he was by my side.

He spun me around and danced with me. I could hear the soft music in the background as he hummed in my ear. He connected his lips to my forehead and I closed my eyes, feeling him next to me. When the song ended, he went back to cooking and I could feel that my mood had lightened a lot.

After dinner, Rudy sat on the couch while I did the dishes. He had flipped on some action movie that I knew didn't interest me. Still, when I was done, he called me over. I thought he just wanted to watch the movie with me, but as I sat down, he turned it off completely.

"Y/n," he said. I knew he was going to say something that I wouldn't agree with. I could tell by the seriousness in his voice. "Maybe we should take a break. I can't stand seeing you like that."

He gestured to the bedroom. I felt tears well up in my eyes. How could he say that we should take a break? He knew how much I wanted this. He always knew how much I wanted to be a mother. I never once told him that he should take a break from acting, so how could he say such a thing?

"No!" I yelled. He told me to calm down, but he didn't get it. This was everything to me. "Rudy, you know how much I want this! You know, so how can you say that!"

"I just think it's bad for your health, y/n," he said. He wouldn't make eye contact with me. "You're moody and you cry all the time. You act like I don't see it, but I do. You lay in bed all day, y/n! It's not healthy!"

"You don't get it!" I yelled at him, getting up from the couch. "You don't because while you're out living your dream, I'm stuck here. I'm here with no purpose, no life! And I want this more than anything, so how can you ask me to stop?"

I was crying so hard. I looked at him and stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I wanted this so badly. I couldn't believe him. I laid in bed and hugged my knees to my chest.

A few hours went by and I had drifted off. I dreamt of my future baby and what it would be like to actually be a mom. I awoke to Rudy opening the bedroom door though.

"Sweetie...?" he asked, peeking his head in. I opened one of my eyes to see his figure in the doorway. "Are you awake?"

"Mhm," I hummed. He asked me if he could come in and I made the same noise. He got into bed and pulled me into his arms. I listened to him whisper apology after apology to me. It broke my heart to hear him like this. I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were red and puffy. I knew he had been crying. I gave him a quick kiss to tell him I wasn't upset anymore.

"I'm so sorry, pumpkin," he said. "I didn't know you felt that way. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Rudes," I said, cuddling into him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered back.

A couple more tests came back negative after that night. I tried not to get discouraged. I tried not to worry Rudy. Today, however, I sat on the toilet and was fully prepared for a negative. I watched the stick as it displayed a little pulse sign. Tears filled my eyes and I took two more tests, just to be sure. I grabbed them and jumped up and down, screaming in joy. Then I ran to the kitchen and waited. I wanted it to be a surprise, but when Rudy walked through the door and saw my face, he knew. He dropped everything he was carrying, ran over to me, and kissed me. His hands cupped my face as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"We're having a baby?" he asked, tears in his eyes. He moved away from me a little bit and moved his hands to my tummy. I placed my hands over his.

"We're having a baby."