Scars Of The Past (A Violetine Highschool AU)

I Miss Her

-Vi's POV- (Depression/Self-harm WARINING Graphic!!!)

It's been a whole week without Clem. It's starting to feel like meeting Clementine was just a dream. A part of me wishes it was, but at the same time I really miss her. I know that I just met her, but it started to feel like things was finally going to change. I just hope she'll be back Monday. I'm came back home this weekend; I wish I didn't. I haven't been sleeping because of the yelling down stairs and things have just been hard this weekend. Louis was with Aasim this weekend so we hardly talked. 'Why?! Just why?! Why do I have to live in this hellhole?!' 'Why do I have to live this shitty life?' 'I mean I don't HAVE to.' 

No! Shut up Vi! *I violently hit my head* You can't think like that or they will send you back to the hospital. 'But they aren't the ones that have live this shitty life.' No! Shut up, shut up, shut up! I hate having to fight with myself. 'But you do. You love hurting yourself. You love that feeling of the blade on your skin or those burns from your cigarettes.' I do? No!!! I drop down to my knees with tears pouring down my face. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't........ I can. Just like that swich in my head flipped. 

I stand up and go to my closet and grab my box. Then grab my phone and earbuds and run into my bathroom. I turn the light on and go to sit in the bathtub, putting my earbuds and play my music all the way up. I open my new pack of cigarettes I got and light one up took a hit the rolled up my sleeve and put it out on my arm, I repeat it over and over until it became not good enough. I grab my box and grab my razer blades front inside it. Then I began to cut one after one after one. I start screaming the lyrics of the song playing on my phone as I dig the blade deeper.

" 'I WANNA SUNBURN JUST TO KNOW IM ALIVE!! TO KNOW I'M ALIVE!! DON'T TELL ME IF I'M DYEING!!!!! CAUSE I DON'T WANNA KNOW!!! IF I CAN SEE THE SUN!!! MAYBE I SHOULD GO!!!' "

I'm starting to feel lightheaded, but just keep going. "D-don't wake me cause I-I'm dreaming of angles on the moon. W-where everyone you know ne-never l-leave to soon. AHHhhhhh!

------Time Skip to 6am-----

I wake up in the bathroom and I start to stand but I felt so weak I fell right back in the tub. I stop and look down at my arms, they are cover in dried blood. 'How am I even alive?' 'What is keeping me here?' Wait! Shit! What time is it?! I grab my phone out of my pocket and look at the time, it's only six thank god. I have time to clean up before school. I take off my clothes as I sit in the tub then I turn on the water and watch all the blood go down the drain. 

I finish cleaning myself off and grab my towel off the hook that's on the door and rap it around me. I brush my hair and teeth then walk out and into my room to get ready. As I put my clothes on I can't help but to stair at the thunders of new huge cuts on my arms. I then quickly grab my hoodie to cover my arms. Louis says that he thinks I just wear the hoodie to hide my old scars from everyone and that's kind of true but it's also to hide my cuts from myself.

"Hey Vi!! Louis is hear to pick you up for school!" My mom yells from down stairs. 

"Okay!!! Coming!!!!" Okay now to get today over with. 

---Time skip to after school---

I'm in the car with mom heading to group and I really don't feel like going after last night. I don't even do anything there; I just sit and fall asleep. 'How am spouse to talk to complete strangers and tell them that I'm a stupid suicidal teen with a dad that beats you and your mother!?' 'hum.' God! This is why ''I hate people'' they all say to open up and talk about your problems. 'Like? Would you even be able to know, because I promise if you could read my mind or hear the voices in my head, you will be in tears.'

"Alright Vivi we're here." 

"Ughh. Do I have to go today mom? I don't have to go every time?!"

"Yes Vi honey, you have too?"

"Fine." I walk out the car and towards the building.

"Have fun!" My mom yells out the window.

"Yeah yeah."

I go into the group room and go grab a monster for the snack table then go sit in a chair furthest from the group. At the beginning of this group they asked everyone what their favorite drink is and I couldn't say mike's lemonade so I said monster. Everyday sense then the leader of the group Omid would buy a pack of everyone's favorite drinks. I start getting bored so I take out my phone a start listening to music. A few minuets later I look up from my phone and I couldn't believe who I seen. I squeeze my eyes shut and quickly open them hoping it was just a dream. Nope. I stand up and walk right over to her. 

"Clem?" She turns looking at me. 

"Violet?!" She says in complete shock. She gives me a huge but her arms went no higher then my waist. 

I return her hug and feel a hard cast on her shoulder. "W-what happened to your arm?"

"Oh.. long story I'll talk you later about it?"

"Alright everyone sorry to cut your conversations, butttt its not to start."

"Sit with me?" I ask Clem.

She nods her head and we head over to our own spot in the room. Omid starts and reminds everyone of the rules, the 'what happens this room stays in this room' bullshit. And then makes his announcement about Clem.

"Everyone this is Clementine, Clementine this is everyone!" Omid announced and everyone looks over saying hi to Clem. "So tells about yourself. And it don't have to be something personal unless you want to?" 

"Well I'm Clementine I just moved from Georgia and I'm 17 and in high school with Vi here actually." 

"Oh! Where you and Violet friends before you came here?"

"Yeah she was one of the first people I met."

"Well maybe you'll be able make Violet talk more. Sorry not to be mean there Vi."

I nod my head at him and then he goes no with talking. I pull out my earbuds and put one in my ear then a tap Clem's shoulder forgetting she has a cast on so I tap her hand she has resting on her leg. I show her the earbud and she takes it putting it in her ear and went back to listening to Omid. After an hour pasted it was time to go home. Clem takes out the earbud giving it back to me then I put everything back in my pockets and go to through out my now empty monster can. 

"So Vi did you want to hang out?" Clem asks.

"Uh yeah sure."

"Ok awesome, I was got to go home real quick. I got to take my pills. You know my arm." She chuckles. "You can meat me and we can walk to a park or something cause I can't drive with my arm."

We walk outside and see Clem's dad Lee so walk over to him, she give him a hug. "Vi this is Lee?"

"Oh so this is the mystery's Violet?" Lee says putting me in shot. 'She talks about me?'

"I- Yeah nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, You look even better in person then in Clem's drawing."

"Oh ugh.. Thank you." I hear my mom honk her horn. "I uh better go."

"Ok it was very nice to meet you sweet heart." Lee says and goes in his car.

Clem comes over and hugs me as I hug her back, "I'll see you in a bit Vi." She walk in the car with Lee and I walk over to my moms car and sit in the passenger set. 

"She is cute." My mom says.

"Mom no!" I roll my eyes and she pulls off.