lucifer's chorale

dark light

2005 

Finally, the States. 

They had recorded the last album in America, their new producer was American, they'd been in Los Angeles for many months now and Ville was even getting the local accent. 

He liked the States: this place made him feel like a real rockstar. The parties in Playboy mansions, easily procurable drugs of all kinds (he didn't even have to look for it: the dealer themselves were falling over themselves to sell it to him). There was a lot more pomp and opulence than in Finland or Germany, a lot more ostentation, a lot more powerful and important people around. 

The record was done. The release day was today, and the record company had thrown a release party to celebrate. 

Ville'd started to like parties a little more: when he was under the effect, he felt less depressed and more extroverted, and no occasion to repress the pain needed to go to waste. In those circumstances, he didn't mind being photographed or even touched. It was like he was a completely different person. 

A girl had approached him; she was tall, thin, with long dark hair and blue eyes. The cocktail she was holding was blue and decorated with a lime slice. Ville didn't even hear what her name was, yet she was looking languidly at him as she brushed a finger along his arm. He seemed to be saying things that made her laugh. 

“You look good with shorter hair,” a voice behind him interrupted them suddenly. 

It was Ricky. It wasn't a surprise, Ville knew he'd come. He just wasn't thinking about it at the moment. 

He turned to him. 

Even in an intoxicated state, it was hard to find words to say. 

“Can we talk… alone?” Ricky said. 

Ville sighed. “Sure. If you'll excuse me, Ma'am,” he walked past her and led Ricky amidst the crowd and out of the room. They went upstairs and Ville opened one of the doors in the hallway. 

It may looked like he knew the place, but he was actually just improvising. However, Ricky followed him, maybe a little more trustfully than it was probably safe. 

“Who is she?” he asked. 

“I don't know. A girl holding a blue cocktail.” 

“Are you cheating on me?” 

Ville leaned against the wall. “No.” 

Ricky closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Ville. You're losing yourself. You're letting yourself go.” 

“It's inevitable with the job I have.” 

“You're so unhappy,” Ricky said. “It's clear. I'm worried for you. I just want to be close to you and help you.” 

“You can't do anything.” 

“My love,” he walked over to him and kissed his lips. “I'm gonna stay with you forever. Together, we can make it. Don't be scared.” 

“You don't get it, Ricky,” Ville said, voice darker. “There are things you don't know.” 

“Tell me, then. Let me help you. Please.”