Fixing Luna

10

7 years

84 months

12 days

It was that long since Toby left to somewhere she could never reach him, at least not for the last seven agonizing years. Luna tried, god forbid, she tried yet failed miserably every time. How can she survive when Toby never did? It was unfair and completely fucked up.

After two and a half hours of driving into the night, she made it back to the same place that she was desperately running away from. The darkness consumed her senses and yet her body knew the way without relying on the faint light coming from the streetlights outside the rusting fences. Oakwood's Cemetery still looks the same, a well-maintained place for the one who had left the world of the living. A sanctuary that once scared the hell out of her but now gives her the comfort she badly needs. Luna hadn't been there for the last six months since the anniversary and now, she's back at it again with a heavy heart.

In the third row to the left, under a budding sycamore tree, a familiar tomb welcomed her. The words embedded neatly on the piece of stone that she knew by heart. But seeing it again after months of ignoring the need to see Toby's grave, Luna could feel her defenses crumbling down like a sandcastle.

Tobias Amadeus Kingsley Cooper
October 14, 1997 - May 17, 2015

"Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow."

It was a quote from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Toby's personal favorite. A story so tragic just like them.

"I miss you, baby," Her finger traces the neat cursive etched on his tomb, hoping to feel his warmth underneath it as tears started flowing out of her already swollen eyes. The sound of her muffled cries filled the air, ignoring the chills running down her spine from the cold mid-November night. Another year will come to an end, another year without him next to her, and another year hoping for the pain to go away. It's a never-ending cycle, one that she has gotten used to by now.

"I finally stepped inside the hospital again. It was scary ... I wanted to run out of it and when that jerk Payne came out of nowhere and talked about you, I just lost it, Cooper," The memory so vivid flashes before her, a time loop of the last seven years. The hospital, the mental institute, Seattle, and the life that she was living in Los Angeles. It was a lot to take in, but Luna survived, seven torturous years, but the grief and emptiness lingers heavily on her neck, like chains binding her to the past that took everything away from her. In front of his grave, Luna was still the same girl that Toby left on that summer night, completely broken and beyond repair.

Luna could barely grasp the time when the rain started pouring, drenching her in the middle of the deserted cemetery adding to her already exhausted emotional state. She was shivering from the cold San Diego night and yet Luna refused to leave. She wasn't ready to fool everyone around her again, to act like she was fine even though everything hurt. The light moving towards her caught her blurry eyes, the footsteps getting louder and when the familiar warmth wrapped her back to earth, Luna knew that it was now time to leave.

"Jesus Luna, you'll be the death of me!" Ah, it was Lexus. She thought bitterly before the darkness enveloped her completely.

--

"She's fine now, Lexus found her,"

"Calm down Caleb, Lexus and I will be on guard,"

"We got it, Captain, we'll keep you updated,"

The muffled voices filled her senses, but Luna felt so weak her body refused to move an inch. The familiar scent of peppermint and lime calmed her nerves but was still not enough to alleviate the pain embedded deeply in her bones.

"What happened France?"

"You remember Paynes from High School? He came back,"

"Dammit. Where is he?"

"I don't know babe, I called Raul to find the prick, stop worrying about it,"

"Bu--"

"Come on, let's go out before the princess wakes up," the sound of the door closing was the only thing she could remember before the darkness kissed her goodnight once again.

--

The warmth coming from the blazing sun woke her up, but instead of her usual beige and pink room Luna find herself standing on a place that felt so familiar, yet completely different from her memory.

"Hey Greene," Luna recognized the voice in a heartbeat, the sound of it resonating to every fiber of her very existence, a force so strong leaving her completely breathless and desperately gasping for air. And with one fluid motion, Luna turned around, already knowing what was waiting for her.

Warm blue eyes hiding perfectly behind his thick glasses that settled nicely on the bridge of his sharp slightly freckled nose, his perfectly chapped lips that she would give the world just so she could feel it against her skin again, his curls dancing along the wind that passes between them, and that cheeky smile that turn her world completely upside down. It was Toby, her Toby.

Luna crossed the distance between them, too scared that he will disappear before she could even feel him against her once again. It was a dream; she knew it. A beautiful one that she desperately prayed for years, anything just so she could see him once again, a minute or even a single second, it doesn't matter.

"You're here," she mumbled, hoping that this dream won't end too soon.

"I came," he mumbled as his frail arms wrapped her entirely.

Oh God, please make it last, she pleaded, desperately clinging into him like her life depended on it.

"You're still a crybaby Ms. Greene," he teased, letting a soft laugh escaping his lips, the same old tone that she loves.

"I'm still yours Cooper," she responded making the both of them cracked up. They stayed wrapped in each other's arms for God knows how long. Her eyes not leaving him, her fingers gently tracing his face, hoping that her memory can give justice in remembering every single detail of his face, not that she can forget him in any way possible. Toby gives her too many reasons to remember him, even though doing so brought him greater pain than anything else ever does.

"I love you ... " She whispered, hoping that it was loud enough for Toby to hear, and with that small smile on his lips tells her that he did. And as his lips captured hers, all the pain and bittersweet memories of what happened seven years ago crushes her again. How it started, how she fell in love with him, how things tragically ended, and how he left, taking a part of her with him to a place of no return.

Luna opened her eyes, the sight of beige and pink welcoming her. A single tear fell on her trembling hands, knowing that she was back in the reality where Toby was no longer here.

He's gone.