Holding Back || j.g.

Chapter 3

I've been having these nightmares recently, which is odd because I never have had nightmares about my relationship with Ryan. Dating him was a nightmare, these dreams are just something that reminds me of my past.

*flashback*

"Ryan please. I didn't do anything. I swear." I begged.

"You're a pathetic bitch you know that? I'm sick and tired of your lies." he spat.

That's when I felt his hand hit my face. It was a hard slap. You could hear it from miles away. That was only the beginning of this abuse. At that time, he made me swear not to tell anyone. If I did, I would get more than a slap. It terrified me. The first two months, he was an amazing person. Then, one day he just snapped. It all happened so suddenly. At first it was just him getting drunk, then I realized, he was sober. I tried to ask him if anything was wrong. But his response would always be, "It's none of your business. So nosey all the fucking time."

When we were around our friends, he acted like he loved me, like there was nothing going on between us. But behind closed doors, everything was different. I was always scared to speak up because I didn't want to hang around my friends with a black eye or something. I was never good at makeup, so I wouldn't have been able to hide it. I tried telling him that we needed to break up, that I didn't want this relationship anymore. That infuriated him more. He'd hit me harder. It was to the point where I was being controlled by him. I was only allowed to go places with him. I had to get permission from him to go somewhere as if he were my father.

The day I finally broke up with him was when we were around his friends. I figured if we were around them, then he wouldn't be able to hurt me. I was wrong. He was actually drunk at that moment in time, and punched me in my stomach. I couldn't breathe for a while. I just laid on the floor, crunched in a little ball. He left me there and walked away. Before he left, he spat on me and said, "I told you not to ever do that a while ago. That's what you get for disobeying me. I never loved you anyway. It was never real."

I lied there for about half an hour holding on to my stomach. All the pain was still there even though it happened 30 minutes ago. Then a girl about my age approached me, "Oh my goodness are you okay?" She asked.

"No. I need to go to the hospital." I said weakly.

"Let me help you to my car and we'll be on our way. What happened?"

I didn't know her well enough to tell her vital information. If I told her, and the hospital called Jack and not my parents, she would've told him and he would've been really mad that I never told him before. I didn't have the courage to. "Some guy ran me over with his bike." I said unconvinced.

She looked confused, I don't even think she believed me. "He must've been riding pretty fast if you got the wind knocked out of you. My name's Jasmine."

"Jamie." I tried to smile.

"Umm... once we get there who do I call?" Jasmine asked.

It took me time to think. If I called my parents, the would've given me some sort of lecture of looking before I walk and whatnot. If I called Jack, he would've interrogated me until he got all his answers. If I told him about Ryan at that moment, he would've gone after Ryan. Ryan's words echoed in my head, "Tell your beloved Jack and you don't have to worry about living another day. I can make it look like an accident."

So I told her just to call Jack. Once he came to the hospital, my predictions were right.

"Are you okay? What happened? Who did this? Where was Ryan? Was he even with you?"

"Well, the doctors haven't given me the results of all my x-rays yet so I don't know how bad I'm hurt. Ryan was out and about, so I decided to take some time to think a little."

"Think about what?" he interrupted.

"My future." I lied.

He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Jamie if this was all Ryan's fault, you need to tell me now. Was this his fault?"

I hesitated. "No. Some biker ran me over."

He didn't seem to buy the story. "How did that injure your stomach exactly?"

"He... ran over it."

"How does that make sense? Oh wait. It doesn't. I'm your best friend, do you not trust me or something? God, Jamie." he said angrily.

"Jack please. It's nothing major." I lied.

"You're hurt, so I'll stop asking. But the truth's gonna come out eventually." he said.

It took a while for me to tell Jack that Ryan and I broke up. I was brief about it. When he asked why, I told him things weren't working out so we decided it was just time to break up.

"Who broke up with who?" he asked curiously.

"I broke up with him." I said.

A couple days later, we were hanging at my locker when Ryan decided to approach us. He was throwing insults at me that he new definitely put me down. I just stood there with nothing to say. He was pointing out things my flaws, insecurities, fears. I was helpless. That's when Jack stepped in and defended me.

"Bro. What the hell? She's innocent." he said.

"She's not as innocent as you think she is." he smirked.

"What's that suppose to mean? You're just being a douche to her. I actually thought you cared about her. But now, I can see why she broke up with you." he snapped.

"Jack, stop. Save your breath. He's not worth it." I tried.

"Count yourself lucky. Count your blessings you ass." Jack said.

That's when all the feelings came in. I was defenseless and Jack stepped in. Kinda like my knight in shining armor. I know it had just been days since I broke up with Ryan, but I fell out of "love" with him weeks after he started abusing me.

*present day*

Even then I felt guilt for not telling him then and there. I wanted to, but Ryan's words constantly echoed in my head. I knew that if he killed me, Jack would go after him and he would die, too. So in a psycho sense, I was trying to protect him.

I walked out to the balcony for some silence to try to forget about all these nightmares.

"Jamie, is everything alright?" Jack asked.

"Just thinking of all the memories we have in Omaha. It all seemed so yesterday that we became friends at the age of 3. All because of some lame playdate our parents set up." I laughed.

"Well, if they never had that playdate, we wouldn't have ever met. So, I guess we should thank them."

"Maybe we should." I paused, thinking if this was the right time to confess. I tried to get the words out of my mouth, but nothing did.

"You know you can trust me with anything right?" he asked.

"Yes indeed, buddy."

"So anything new? Anything exciting I missed in Omaha?"

"Not really. Same ol', same ol'. You out of everyone should know that there's never anything exciting in Omaha." I laughed.