How Not To Fuck Up a Werewolf Story

Welcome Back, Kid

Okay, so it's been a minute... like a few years... 

Let's pretend like we've never met. Hello, I'm June Valentine. I overshare and I laugh at my own jokes. It's nice to meet you, too. I would shake your hand, but there are two screens between us.

So, you either made it this far on accident or you're looking for some helpful tricks on how to be a successful writer. A question you might be asking yourself right now-- isn't she supposed to teach me how to write?

No. I can't do that. I can give you the tools to help you form plots, create real characters and avoid cliches. I might even throw in a grammar lesson if there is enough wine around to fuel me through that.

Another disclosure, just to be completely upfront, the only money I've made from writing is from my work as a professional copywriter for a boring, big-girl job.

Am I writing filthy smut in the meantime, dreaming of a time when I can curl up into the safety of a tiny-house parked at the foot of the Ozark mountains in the Midwest of America, frantically creating story upon story of sad men and brave girls while eating homemade artichoke dip and vegan tortilla chips? Yes. Without a doubt.

This is the sole reason why I went to college and voluntarily put myself into thousand of dollars of debt.

But, because I understand not everyone has access or the privilege to go to university, I want to share things I found helpful from my three writing professors. And yes, they all, on separate occasions, have made me sob. (And college isn't all what it's chalked up to be, it only gave me a vaping addiction, a liquor problem, an anxiety disorder and an emotionally abusive friend who provided me with all of these.) 

See, I told you I overshare. 

You want to be a writer, huh?

Good, that means something. Hold onto that even if someone tells you to give up and get a degree in computer science.

Here's your first tip, kiddo. Make sure you're listening, because this is easiest way to make a cohesive story without hating yourself. (Pro tip: If your name is June Valentine, you will still hate yourself the entire time you're writing.)

Ever heard of the 14 signposts? If you're like me-- you needed to read them about fifty times to understand the importance of them.

They go through each step of what your novel needs to be and divides it up into three, clear acts. Now, I know each of you have had a teacher wag their finger at you and preach about an outline. That is a lie. An absurd, horrific lie that you have held onto until now. I am freeing you, baby. 

But no June, I want to live like this forever!

A golden cage is still a cage, you fool! 

Listen here, young Kenobi, this is your mother f*ckin' bible now. Yes. It is. 

The book Super Structure is $3.99 on Kindle. And it was a college book I was required to have for all of my writing courses. I think this is literally one of the most solid pieces of advice I have ever given you. It tells you in like one-hundred pages how to create a cohesive book. 

You want to have a plot? Read this shit. 

Is it foolproof? No. But it's a damn good start to your career or dreams as a writer. 

June, I'm twelve. Why do you think I can afford this book? 

Okay, okay. I understand. Here-- I will let you in on a little secret. 

I'm cheap as shit. I never bought the book either. I borrowed it from my classmates and then, most of the time just read articles about it online. Here's a hot little tip: google "14 Signposts Super Structure."

Bada bing, bada boom. 

This is your first real step into writing something that follows an easy way to plot out writing. And I plead that you look into it. 

If you want me to go into detail about each signpost, let me know. This truly helps when you don't know what the hell you're doing-- which is me... one hundred percent of the time.

But again, this is me begging you not to start something and write aimlessly. That's how books remained unfinished and/or plotless. And that is something we have all come across on Wattpad. I am... uh... how you say (extremely) guilty of these mortal sins. That's all I did pre-college. 

And before I forget, please, I beg-- check out my new 2020 Watty's entry, RED. It's got the whole shebang, death, betrayal, love triangle and a moody protagonist. 

Look for weekly updates! My dear friend, @ToniCastellani reminded me that this existed! 

So, next week, I imagine I will probably tell you about other sins I used to do a daily basis. Much love to you all-- and one last plug-- my new instagram is AUTHORJUNEVALENTINE (do we even follow people anymore on instagram or is social media just a fading memory in my aging mind... I'm 21, by the way. Oh God, that's old.) But I will follow back any poor soul who pities me and follows me! 

Okay, this is exciting. Goodbye dear reader, and remember this most crucial advice-- never eat sour watermelon. That's it. That's the secret. And you didn't hear it from me.