The middle D'amelio | Ryland Sorms

Chapter 16

I just arrived to the infamous hype house. I automatically went to Ryland's room first. No one was there so I texted him. He said he's in Thomas's room and that they are filming for YouTube.

I went to Thomas's room and like usual, a lot of people were there. Mya was literally on top of Micheal hitting him while he screamed. Thomas was filming them. Ryland and kouvr were yelling at each other for some reason. Chase was watching everything and laughing.

I closed the door taking Ryland's attention away from kouvr. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I walked to him and we hugged. He kissed my nick.

"hey, you look pretty"
He said once we broke the hug, totally ignoring kouvr.
"hi, thanks."
I said and put a strand of my invisible hair behind my ear. My hair was in a high ponytail.

"Ryland has been really really busy these past few weeks huh?"
Thomas said with his big ass smile as he pointed with the camera at us. We have to do something interesting and give him content.
"you have?"
I looked at Ryland acting confused.

He chuckled and threw a lazy arm around my shoulders.
"I have been hanging around Noah a lot. He's hot"
I looked at him with my jaw dropped and offended.
"get off."
I pushed his arm away making him and Thomas laugh at me.

I sat next to Chase on the couch.
"hey buddy"
I said cheerfully. He just smiled at me.
"I saw tiktok room"
He said in a low voice. We have to be careful around Thomas's camera. That got me to smile gently. I really felt bad for him.
"don't worry bestie. I got your back"
He smiled back gratefully.
"thank you for standing up for me. When even I can't"
I held his hand tightly and then released it as a sign of assurance.

"but, are you okay? Tell me what happened"
I knew what he was asking about. I just didn't know how to answer. If I say the truth it'll just be more real, but he's been there since the beginning of it all. He deserves to know.
"I had a panic attack. Blake picked me up because Ryland wasn't picking up his phone"
I said with a shrug. He sighed and nodded.

"Do you need therapy again?"
"No. I'm good. It was just a one time thing"
We stayed silent after that.

Most people would think that I'm being dramatic or childish. Some would even say sensitive. The thing is, not so many people have gone through what I went through. No one have the same energy or coping mechanisms as me. They don't understand that losing my mom was everything. Mine and my dad's lives practically revolved around her. I didn't have any friends but Blake, and he wasn't always around. I lost my mom, my best friend, and my older sister. Then, I lost my dad, my backbone, and my biggest supporter when he started doing drugs. I was abused because he wasn't in his right state of mind. I wasn't mentally stable either. I had to find an actual job to pay for mine and my dad's needs.

When I told him I was leaving Texas for good, all he cared about was how often I will send him money. My family fell apart and I wasn't strong enough to be by my dad's side. I escaped. The guilt still eats me alive everyday. I'm the worst daughter ever for leaving him by himself. Whenever I talk to him all he asks about is money. I do tiktok just to send him the money.

It's a nightmare. That's why family is a very sensitive subject for me. And I know very few people will understand.

"hey, stop crying. It's okay"
I heard Chase's voice from a distance. Like my mind was blocking everything in the outside world.

The memories, the nightmares and the stress. They're coming back all at once. The image of my mom's dead body on the hospital bed. Her voice telling me to take care of my dad. Something I know very well I failed in. Blake pulling me away while I screamed at her not to leave me. My dad beating me up because I have no money left to give him or because I look so much like my mom. My many attempts to kill myself. My cutting. Blake and Chase yelling at me because I won't stop cutting myself. Chase saving my life when I tried to jump off a bridge. Avani hugging me while I cried and begged for my mom to come back. Heidi and Marc forcing me to go through therapy. Josh mocking me and telling me how of a good sister I am. All the comments of how I'm using charli. All the comments of how I don't support Charli and Dixie. Everything

I tried to breathe. I really tried. But it was impossible. I was chocking. I hugged myself tightly trying to ease the pain. I pressed my ears with my hands hard, trying to block the voices and failing. I tried to block the voices. I really tried. My ears felt like they were being stabbed with knives. I heard my name being called. I don't know who. But I know the voice. I can't remember.

Someon took my hands from my ears. They held my hands tightly. I could barely hear them. A lot of voices were talking. After God knows how long I was finally able to differentiate between the voices in my head and the actual voices. A gentle yet confident hands rubbed my shoulders.

"Dani, it's me Chase. Can you hear me?"
It wasn't as distant as before. My vision was blurry but at least I could open my eyes again. I nodded slowly. I could hear him, but I could barely see him.
"Do you want water?"
He asked again and I nodded. I was still trying to make out the world around me.

"here"
I felt the cup on my lips. I opened my mouth and the water started going in. I could feel the coolness in my throat. When I was done I leaned my head back.
"better?"
I nodded once again. Finally, I could see. Almost the whole house were standing around. All of them had worried expressions.

"she's okay"
Chase assured everyone. Then two arms engulfed me in a very huge hug. I flinched for a second but then I realized it was Ryland.
"gentle"
Chase said making Ryland loose his arms a bit. I hugged Ryland back.
"you scared the fucking shit out of me"
He whispered in my ears. I tightened my arms around his nick.
"I'm so sorry"

He broke the hug and smiled at me. His eyes had tears in them. I wiped the tear on his right cheek. I tried to smile but it was so hard. I just wanted to sleep. I felt so exhausted.

Then I looked around, they were all standing around. They looked intimidating. Imagine twenty people standing around you and watching you with worried eyes. It was intimidating but it still made me feel loved. I have friends. I have people that care for me and love me.

"what the fuck just happened?"
Micheal said in shock. He looked funny honestly. I didn't know how to answer that. My eyes traveled to chase who gave me a nod and an assuring smile. Then they traveled to Ryland.

Ryland's eyes stared back at me. They held so much confusion and worry. He was scared. He was worried about me.

I took a deep breath and looked at everyone again.
"just like I said. I struggle with mental issues when it comes to the family topic in general. I had to go through therapy and I was done. Then all the comments along with Josh just got me. I had another panic attack just yesterday."
I tried to explain without getting into too much details. Talking about this was hard enough.

I finished talking with my eyes on the floor. I couldn't look at anyone. I didn't want to see them feeling sorry for me. I'm so fucking pathetic. I try to tell everyone to love themselves when I can't even stand my own mind and thoughts.

"oh my God"
Kouvr said crying. She hugged me tightly. Soon, all the girls joined the hug making it hard to breathe. My breath wasn't even yet. I needed some more minutes to control it.
"guys. Give her some space"
Chase said pushing Nikita and kellienne away.

After the girls broke the hug they all smiled at me with tears in their eyes. Did I look that bad? I looked at Chase who gave me yet another assuring smile.

"how long?"
I asked him. He knew exactly what I was referring to.
"forty minutes"
Shit. I have been in a panic attack for forty minutes!! That's fifteen extra minutes than my usual. I know My face showed how shocked and sad I was because chase put his hand on my shoulder
"don't worry. It's gonna be okay"

Two hands held my waist and pulled me back. I leaned on Ryland. I love the warmth he gives me. He kissed my forehead and rubbed my waist.
"don't worry baby girl. I got you"

(a/n)
So this chapter and chapter 17 are just to increase the awareness of how important mental health is. It is to show everyone that just a word no matter how stupid and silly it is can distroy someone. Please, be careful and think before you talk. Josh never knew that his words would affect Dani this much. He was just frustrated and said whatever came to his mind yet he managed to give her two panic attacks.