The Write Way [COMPLETED]

Chapter Analysis

In this is section I'm going to break down the rewritten chapter, showing why I did what I did to better help you understand how you can change your own work.

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"Don't throw up, don't throw up. Marlee, don't you dare throw up."

I squeeze my eyes shut and grip the edge of the sink, nerves like angry bees race through me. I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I do it again and again until my stomach starts to settle.

(As you can see I didn't start the chapter on Marlee waking up. Waking up is very average and doesn't spark excitement. A girl telling herself not to throw up instantly drops us into the story and makes us wonder why she's trying not to throw up. So where in your first chapter can you start that will instantly get us hooked?)

"You just have to make it through today."

(Here I bring in the mystery of the day being important. I don't tell you why because I want you to want to know why. If you simply hand out every answer to your reader they won't want to stay because there's no mystery. Where can you create mystery by not revealing something right away?)

I breathe out again. When I'm certain I'm not going to vomit, I open my eyes and let go of the sink. I pause, waiting to see if my nerves will hit me again, but they've calmed down. Relieved, I leave my bathroom and my slightly nauseous looking reflection.

I tug on my worn Converses. They look as old as me with tears in them and sharpie marks along the edge. But they've been with me for every big moment and today I need their good luck.

(I cut the outfit choice because it had no importance for the story. What was important were the shoes. Shoes that make her feel lucky, bringing in the question why does she need luck for today? Is there something your character wears that is important to them, if not don't describe what they're wearing.)

Grabbing my backpack and gym bag, I jog down the stairs and head into the kitchen. My mom leans against the counter, coffee cup in hand. Even dressed in scrubs, she's beautiful. Her black hair is tied into a ponytail and her brown eyes blend well with her tan skin. I inherited every one of her features, except where she wears them with confidence, I'm still trying to feel comfortable in them. She eyes me over the rim of her mug.

(Right here I tell you a lot. 1. Her mom is a nurse. It doesn't need to be stated because it's implied with the scrubs. 2. I told you what Marlee looks like. And in using her mother as a mirror for her looks I told you Marlee is still growing and doesn't feel confident in herself. Where can you use the mirror of someone else to describe your character instead of using an actual mirror?)

"Are you feeling?" She asks.

"Like I want to throw up," I admit, reaching for a mug.

(With those two lines you know the dynamic between the mom and Marlee. Her mom knows why this day is important, Marlee doesn't feel like she needs to hide her emotions from her mother, they have a strong bond. How can you show the bond of your character with others just with dialogue?)

I pour myself coffee, needing the boost.

"You're going to do great," she says.

"I might if I don't end up puking all over the judges."

My mom laughs, a sound that feels so rare from her. Even with the musical sound, I can see the hint of red in her eyes.

(Here you see that there is some sadness in the mother's life. Is it death? Divorce? I don't say because I want the reader's mind to be curious. Where can you drop hints of things?)