Scared By Twilight

C~51: Wanting To Hate You

Overreacting has always been a trait of mine.

But I had every right to punch him, you can't just kiss a girl like that!

Why should I care that he kissed me? It's not like I'm gonna be here in a week, when this was over I was going back to Texas?

That's what I wanted?

Rubbing my arms I continue walking through Port Angeles, I stormed off hours ago and spent them wandering through the woods until I came here and then for the next three hours I tried to think.

Everything had made sense, and then we had to come back here. Had a good reason, we needed to figure out who's sending vampires into The Grove. If it keeps getting worse, even some of my friends could die.

And then Renesmee, I don't want the Volturi to come near her; she did nothing wrong. But if I tried to help it would look like I cared, I'm trying not to care...right? They hurt me why I should show any remorse I don't know.

They wanted me gone so I'll leave.

Breathing out a white wisp leaves my lips, it grew to be way too cold for my taste, so I went into the closest building that was open. It was a restaurant with a bar, so I just take the first empty high seat I find and take out my phone.

45 missed calls from a mix of everyone.

"Happy holidays, what can I get you?" asks the bartender, she has a big welcoming smile on her face "Water," I state, the holidays were this week weren't they? Don't tell me now I'm expected to get gifts for the team.

Just then I felt a sharp ping in my stomach, this was getting ridiculous. I pick up my phone and call Jade. "Hey E! How's your mission going?"

"Fine, I was wondering, are you sure nothing else was wrong with me when you scanned me?" I ask, Jade hums as a sign of thinking, "I'm pretty sure, here let me run you scan through one more time. Would that put you at ease?"

"Yes."

"Don't be surprised if I don't get back quickly, things have been awful here." Jade throws in gravely. I pull the phone closer, "What happened?"

"Our borders were broken—the house that lives at the edge of the forest, you know, DareDevil. Found them dead this morning along with three trainers, the place was trashed too. But whoever it was must have left."

What? So this time others were really killed, plus that house is one of the strongest along with three trainers. Whoever did this was not just some Immortal in the area, someone is planning on wiping us out.

Leaving no time for Jade to explain, I hang up running a hand through my hair, now that people have died even more was riding on this mission. I had also been so confident in everything I did, closing my eyes now, I can only think I should have done something.

"Hey are gonna drink that or just sit there, I have other customers." says the bartender, I look to her "I've only been here 15 minutes."

"Hon's been an hour and a half if you ain't gonna drink get out."

Getting kicked out of another place must be my lucky day. Heading outside, it was completely dark out, so lost in my own thoughts, I don't even know the time. Take a breath, "It's okay, just find the next road home."

But I didn't really have a home.

No, I had The Grove, but if we failed, there would be no Grove to go back. Brushing it off I continue my walk down the road, soon it was just trees and nothing but stray cars every twenty minutes.

Today was a complete waste!!!

Suddenly I felt a drop on my nose, followed by more until it began pouring. I swear the world is fucking with me!!!! Holding my hand out, I let out a scream looking at the sky. "WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!!! FUCKING UNIVERSE HAS ALREADY TAKEN EVERYTHING!!!"

Eye's begin to get cloudy rainfall from them.

Biting my lip, I try to muffle my screams, everything was going wrong, I lost it all. I find a home, and I mess it up! Of course, I miss the Cullens, I love Renesmee, I could never hate her.

Rosalie, Alice, and Bella were like my sisters.

Emmett, Edward, and Jacob were my brothers.

Carlisle and Esme were all I had to call mom and dad.

They hurt me, so I want to hate them, and Jasper, I want to hate him so much.

I wanted to forget about him and move on.

But he was the best thing to ever happen.

Just then, I'm lifted off the ground and thrown over a shoulder, staring at someone's back "HEY!!!" I shout, kicking as the person begins to walk into the forest. I had questions and my self-respect!

"WHO ARE YOU?!?!"

"Take a guess," speaks Jasper, did he follow me?

"JASPER!!!!"

"PUT ME DOWN!!!!"

"JUST LET GO!!!"

He doesn't listen and keeps walking. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME YOU ASSHOLE!!!!" I screech. Pounding on his back, he continues. Couldn't I just punch him again, no he could overpower me!

Hate him, I have to...but I can't

Finally, I go limp, he wasn't gonna stop. "Fine, I give up, please put me down." I wail.

Jasper stops and dose, so placing me against a tree, I dare not meet his eyes. My legs stretch out, and I just stare, letting the rain hit me "What do you want?" I moan. Jasper crosses his arms "I want to know what's going on...You apparently disappear for about two weeks, and when you show up, you're...I don't even know what you are."

"You guys wanted me gone, said it yourself, and once Jacob kicked me out where was I supposed to go?"

"You could have called me, and we could have figured something out!"

I roll my eyes "Right because I have to be the one to call, I have to be the one to beg because I'm the human who couldn't stand for anything in a supernatural world."

"You're silly."

"No...you guys just won't admit you did something wrong." I start looking up at him. His face turns to one of remorse upon seeing mine. "Ever since Bella became a vampire a human no longer mattered, maybe you didn't realize it, but...it hurt so much!" crying, I bring my knees to my chest.

Everything was pouring out me, and I couldn't stop anything, "And I know I promised I would tell you if you ever hurt me, but you all would say I'm selfish...I know I'm a screw up okay, I ruined the pack, made you guys spend time taking care of me when I wasn't that sick, and now people getting killed because I'm a lousy piece of shit!!!"

I had to hate him, but I've already lost him haven't I

Screaming I ball upon myself, "And the worse part is I want to hate you so much, but I can't cause I still love you, and I'm scared I've already lost you before I can make things right!!!" Shilling I put my hand to my ears, trying to disappear.

"You are not any of that." Jasper whispers, his voice was much closer than expected. Peeking up he's on his knees in front of me, drenched now as well "You're right."

Huh? I'm right? I move my hand from my face staring at him as he softly smiles. "My whole family was insensitive, so was I, and I did nothing to stop it. You were alone for four weeks; of course, you wanted to leave, and we were all so distracted to even call. Look at me if anyone was a lousy piece of shit, it was all of us, and it was me...I know there's nothing to make up for this, but know I am so sorry in every way."

Sooner or later, you need to learn to let it go. Why would I give up the best thing in my life, plus he already said the words I wanted to hear. Springing forward, I wrap my arms around him, holding onto my man for dear life.

Jasper squeezes his arms around me, letting me cry into his shirt "I love you, I love you so much." I weep. A small smile braces my lips as some of the pain flows like a river and out of me.

"I promise I'll never hurt you again."