Contract Lovers With My Idol || P.JM FF✓

(Chapter 28.2: I Am You)

I've been busy trying to practice my vocals and my dances lately but I always try to find time to bond with Euhna because I'll miss her even if the tour would last only for about three weeks or so. She's been inside her room all day only going out whenever I call down for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Seeing her so fragile, so helpless, so... Weak... That I feel like I'm not doing any good for her. I know she's strong so I try to lessen my worries and concerns because she always tells me to calm down and don't get too distracted.

Right now Euhna and I are just sitting on the bed watching not so fucking weird random videos, but she always chooses to watch videos where I'm like the comedian or just failing miserably which makes me sad.

"You really like to see me being so clumsy and ridiculous don't you?" I booped her nose

"It makes me laugh to look at you like that, being all fun and not so serious and—" she paused and her face is starting to go pink I just smirked knowing what she's thinking

"Not so sexy and hot?" Then I earned an unnecessary punch to my chest but it was weaker than how she usually does it

We were scrolling through YouTube when the recommendations started to show different oneshot videos, smut, and just mature overload, when she realized it was showing she immediately scrolled fast to make them disappear, not knowing I already saw them.

"So that's what you're searching? I thought my Euhna isn't so dirty guess I was wrong"

I leaned over closer, my nose pressing to her ears when I suddenly giggled and finally whispered what I wanted to say,

"Don't worry darling, you don't have to imagine these when you've got the real thing right here~"

*sMaCk*

Now that last smack was probably the worst one I got from her after we became a couple again. I still won't stop teasing her though, it makes her shy and it's adorable.

"Can't you stop smacking me like that? You'll bruise my perfectly shaped body" I pouted in front of her and she just pinched my cheeks then came back to scrolling through YouTube

"I'll miss these smacks of yours Euhnieee so smack me every day before I leave okay?" That was a joke but I'm afraid she'll take it seriously and will start smacking me from now on

-

Only a day remains until I leave Seoul until I temporarily leave my one and only. Manager Lin called plenty of times to make sure my things are ready since we'll leave in the middle of the night, which means leaving Euhna while she's asleep.

Mom called me many times today, asking me if Euhna is okay and I gave her reassuring answers each time she asks. There was this one time when she asked—

"Jimin, do you really have to leave? I mean it is your job and all but Euhna really needs you"

"What do you mean? Is she sick or something? I'll postpone my tour if she really needs me by her side"

"I'm sure that Euhna will stop you from doing so because she doesn't want to get in the way of your career, she doesn't want to be a distraction and I would do the same, I'll pick Euhna up when you leave"

"Sorry, mom... And thank you..."

Call ended.

She's right that Euhna would stop me with everything in her power just to not postpone the tour. I really would want to stay with Euhna if the tour wasn't scheduled today since she wasn't feeling that well for the whole month.

What if Euhna really is feeling something? What if she has an illness that could be cured? If I'm not there with her during her tough times then what am I to her then?

I've mentally hit myself dozens of times, killing myself with the word "useless" the word that Euhna ordered me not to describe myself as.

I'm sorry Euhna, I really wanted to stay by your side for the rest of these years but you always stop me from ending my career saying it's too early or my fans would be sad. But the only thing I care about from now on isn't just my fans, my brothers, it's you now because you're my family...

And I don't want to leave my family even if this tour is temporary because I want to spend my days only to be beside you. I've regretted these types of decisions for at least fifteen years of my life. I lost everything I loved because I wasn't there for them, now I don't want to commit the same mistake.

My family and I parted ways after my mom passed away, my brother and I haven't talked to each other in ten years, I lost contact with my dad. I don't complain about these circumstances because it was their choice to part ways, I'm never included in their options.

I've been focusing on my career and neglecting everything that surrounds me, including my friends that are already my brothers. I've discarded two things just to focus on my goal to become a well-known singer and dancer.

The two things people often need in their lives, even if they were just inside their mother's womb, those things already start to develop. Those things that help you feel great pain or happiness, one that people can drown in.

Life and Love.

Those two L's are what that makes a person whole, the basic foundation of what you've become or who you want to be. I've neglected both for almost fifteen years of my life just to make myself focus on being an idol.

I've forgotten those two words and my career was the barrier. I was afraid to show people my raw side, afraid that they might hate the real me, not that I haven't shown it to my fans before. But because of my life being a celebrity barricaded me from being myself, my real self.

It's like having two selves performing at once, living two lives at once, or simply just standing there both sides of myself fighting on what to respond to questions. I wanted to show them the real me, the Park Jimin that also stumbled just to find the right path but it was kept hidden, afraid of being discarded; thrown away.

But when I met Euhna, when she came to my life she taught me those two things that I couldn't even begin to teach myself. She taught me to be real because if people just like one part of you, it limits yourself, it limits you being you.

Euhna... I'm sure that there's a lot of people here just like me that got their two L's from you. Both Life and Love...

[The ending is getting nearer and nearer and I'm already excited to write the ideas I came up with. Don't be shy and drop comments :) thanks for the support]

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