Home for Horny Monsters - Book 4

Moonrise

Kisa sat on the roof of the house, her eyes locked on the wrought iron gate at the back of the property line. It had been over a week since Mike had gone through it and returned with the devil dog in tow. Despite his reassurance that Cerberus was no longer a danger to them, all she could picture in her mind was being chased through the misty woods by a fire breathing beast.

Memories of her trip into the Underworld from so long ago had rushed in on her like ice water. She had fled from the sight of the creature to hide somewhere deep in the house. It wasn't until Tink tracked her down later that she was able to calm down and return to the rest of the house. She hardly ever went into the backyard anymore, afraid that Cerberus might come through the gates and pounce on her.

Her deep-seated fear of the devil dog was instinctual, and it was yet another cat-related problem which bothered her. Death had been very impressed by Mike's journey into the Underworld, but very disappointed when he learned that nobody had thought to map the place while they were there.

"Aha, I have it!" Death sat next to her on the roof, his robes pulled up to reveal bony legs as he frantically scribbled in his notebook. He flipped it over to reveal that he had, in fact, written the word CAT in blue crayon. He had also drawn a highly unflattering picture of her beneath it.

She scowled and took the picture from him. "You spelled it right, but did you have to draw giant tits on me with nipples? They're bigger than my head."

"Hmm?" He took the drawing back and examined. "Ah, I see. In my haste to identify your gender as a woman, I neglected to account for scale. I should draw your breasts much smaller next time, or maybe not at all."

"Don't draw my tits at all," she yelled, then snatched the drawing out of his bony hands. Death regarded her patiently for over a minute before she groaned and handed him the paper back. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm just...grumpy is all."

"I'll bet," said a voice from behind her, and she jumped to her feet and spun around to see Mike standing there. He wore a button-down shirt with a pair of slacks. Without any difficulty, he walked down the sloped roof toward them. "May I?"

"Yes, Mike Radley." Death handed over the paper and waited while Mike scrutinized it.

"You did a very good job," Mike told him. "Did the thicker crayons help?"

"They did indeed, Mike Radley. However..." Death held up his fingers to reveal blue smudges of wax all across them. "There seems to be a tradeoff for their convenience."

"I would assume fine motor control can be learned, but you don't have any muscles, so I'm not sure where that leaves us. Still, this shows a lot of improvement, and I think this one should go on the fridge." He handed it back.

"You honor me with your words, Mike Radley." Death took the drawing and clutched it tightly against his chest. "I shall put it up at once so that all may be proud of my achievements."

"Sounds goo—no, not that way!" Mike stuck out his hand as Death hopped off the side of the roof and plummeted to the ground. "Tink, dodge!"

There was a loud thud, followed by the sound of Tink shrieking in anger. Death had plummeted into the work table she had set up beneath them and caught the edge of it, launching her tools across the yard, some of which landed in Naia's fountain.

Shrieking, Tink held up her hammer like she was going to throw it. Death shouted his apologies, which nobody else could hear, before letting himself into the house. Tink threw her hammer in the bushes, causing a pair of rats to burst free and run for safety in the garage.

"Geez," Kisa muttered, looking over the edge. "He's like a child. You know that, right?"

"We were all children, once. It's only a matter of time before something comes along to burn away that innocence." He rubbed his side with one hand, right by his hip. "I wanted you to know that I've noticed how much time you spend with him. Thank you."