All's Not Lost

Starting All Over

        Saturday, February, 11th, 1995: (Kurt's POV): it was finally February 4th. I've had it marked on the calendar on my wall ever since they told me I would be released today. I spent all morning listening to the classic rock radio station and packing up my suitcase. I didn't come with much to begin with so it didn't take very long. Courtney got custody of nearly everything I own including some of my clothing which I heard she sold on Ebay to make money on. 

        There was a knock on my door. "Come on in." the door opened and Rhonda, the nice black lady that works in the cafeteria came in with something behind her back. A grin swept across my face. "What you got there?" I asked. "Just a little going away present since you're getting out today." I chuckled. "You make it seem like I'm leaving prison." "In a way you are."

        She pulled her hands from behind her back and revealed a chocolate cupcake with one candle in the middle. "You won't be here for your birthday so I thought I'd a little going away/birthday surprise." Rhonda said. "Oh, man, Rhonda, you didn't have to do this. I love cupcakes." I took the cupcake and gave her a strong hug. I realize that since I'm off drugs I've gotten a lot stronger.

        "You take care of yourself, baby." she said. "I'll try my best." I hugged her even harder. She was like the loving mother I never really had. I didn't want to say goodbye to her. "Maybe I can come back and see you?" I asked. "Anytime, sweetheart. But the next time you come here you better have some meat on your bones." I chuckled. "Hopefully I will."

        Rhonda left and I sat down on the bed to eat my cupcake. I had about half an hour until my friend Krist comes to pick me up so when I was done eating I went into the common area and started writing a new poem in my journal. I was in such a good mood that all the background noise of people talking and moving around didn't even bother me. I was in my own world, excited to be clean and free, and no one was going to take that away from me.

        Forty-five minutes went by and still no Krist. I was so excited to see him that I went outside and sat on the curb and waited for his car to pull up. 

        While I was out there, I got a chance to look back on my life and all I've been through. And I've come to the realization that life has treated me like shit. In just the last year alone I was divorced by my wife Courtney, had all my money taken, quit my band, and haven't seen my daughter Frances. But I've also become drug free, been able to write poetry and songs, and met some great people here. I'm trying my best to stay positive in a situation where it's so easy to become depressed or fed up with all that's happened.

        A few hours went by of me smiling at every car that passed by hoping one of them would be Krist. But it was already late into the afternoon and still no sign of him. 

        A car pulled up very close to me and parked beside the curb. I waited to see who would get out. It was a very thin young woman sweeping her messy blonde hair out of her face. She smiled at me. "I'm glad I didn't hit you. I didn't even see you there." She must be on the stuff if she's going into the rehab. I thought to myself. "That probably wouldn't have been so bad." I said with a smile.

        She walked past me and I watched her go into the rehabilitation clinic. She didn't look like she was on drugs so maybe she was here to pick someone up. I sure wish someone would come pick me up.

        After another hour I was starting to get restless. Where could he be? I thought. Someone came out of the clinic and when I turned around it was the woman that almost hit me with her car. She stood a few feet behind me, digging in her purse, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She put one in her mouth then held one out to me.