The Prize of Dysprosium

Chapter V: Heaven and Hell in the Rooms of the Cave

I pass out many times through the night and always wake up to Father George setting up some new way to torture me. The screams and the moans all mix together in a war zone, but then there is the one blissful darkness where shapes blend and the light becomes a flicker, and when I open my eyes again I'm lying on the bed, clutching the covers to my naked body and Father George is buttoning up his priest's robe. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still alive. I don't feel alive, but I am still breathing and I can still open my eyes and move my body although it hurts. There is a deep rattle in my throat and I can't swallow right.

Father George looks remarkably unmarked albeit slightly tired, but also satisfied. I have a small recollection of scraping skin lighter than mine bloody, so somewhere underneath the dress code of God is a souvenir from the prostitute he bought to let him do the things no one in their right mind would let him do for free. He's wearing a small smile and then a few coins hit the pillow beside me.

"May God be with you," he says and then he opens the door as if he's done it a thousand times before and walks out.

I know she's there without having to look. I feel her presence in the doorway as if she was wearing a bell. Garmen. I know there must be others too, milling to the room to get a good look at me as soon as they see Father George leave. Is it morning? It must be. I can't handle it if it's not.

Garmen kneels beside me without touching. It must be bad then, if she can't even touch me.

"Noah," she says softly. It takes me a moment to get my eyes pried open and there she is, her angel face a few inches from mine. Her eyes are big and worried.

I try to smile for her, to say hi, but my voice will only make a weird jittering sound, so I just give up and close my eyes again.

"Brice!" Garmen calls loudly and then there is the unmistakable sound of the floor shifting beneath Brice's weight. I can hear him breathing in the room but nothing else. "I don't think he can walk," Garmen says. "You'll have to carry him."

"Garmen-" Brice begins.

"He won't crumble, he just needs a shower. Please."

I think I most of all need Death to come knocking, but then someone throws the sheet around me and strong arms lift me up. Every move my body makes hurts, but I'm too tired to protest. Let them do what they want with me I don't care anymore.

I'm aware of the others looking at me as Brice carries me through the Cave and upstairs to the first floor. I'm aware of Garmen beside me, and of the faint light trailing in through the windows we pass.

"Where should I put him?" Brice asks.

"In the shower," Garmen says and I hear the shower curtain being pulled aside and then my feet hit the bathroom tiles. Somehow, my legs don't give out underneath me. They're drained, but they still work, which is good because I can't sit down. If I fall I'll just stay lying down in the shower, beg for sleep. Brice positions me against the corner of the stall and then the heat of his body disappears. Garmen is still here. I can recognize the way she moves, her touch, her breathing in my sleep. She carefully pulls off the sheet and then the water turns on. I blink and manage to open my eyes to stare up in the shower head.

"It's hot," I mutter with what sounds like an asthmatic breath. Garmen understands it anyway.

"Everybody saved it for you," she says as she takes a sponge and begins moving it over my arms in soft circles. I think of the button hidden beneath the dresser, of the lack of catty comments as Brice carried me upstairs. It feels sort of... nice. To know that the others care.

I don't say anything, just let Garmen wash my hair and torso and legs as I stare downwards and watch scabs of skin and drizzles of blood disappear down the drain. I'm fairly sure the Cave rooms are more than capable of containing my whimpers, but they aren't totally soundproofed after all. Did the others hear my screaming last night? Did it disturb the other customers? If it did, nobody said anything.