The Prize of Dysprosium

Chapter XVI: About Her

I lie for hours just staring into the wall as the Cave awakens around me. My colleagues begin hustling outside my door, exchanging stories and counting tips. I don't believe for a moment that business is back to normal, but apparently a lot of the rich feel perfectly safe travelling to these parts of town no matter the uproars. Maybe they don't believe they're targeted, which they technically aren't, but anybody supporting the Government ought to have a bull's eye painted on their foreheads.

It's only when Garmen knocks and tells me to get my butt up and running that I finally rise and find my rubbing alcohol. We both take a cold shower, brush our teeth. I'm pretty sure I'm still in shock because I don't feel anything but numbness. I can still smile at Garmen's jokes, still nod and answer questions, but it's as if there is a certain emptiness inside of me. It feels sort of like missing Anton, which I've done every morning for the last six months so it's not unusual at all. Actually, it's so mundane it's scary, because I should be feeling something, right? Everything is just oddly normal until Sammie comes into the bathroom and taps me on the shoulder with an apologetic smile.

"I'm so sorry Noah," she says. "I think it's because you've been out so much. I'm sure you'll get back up within next month."

"What are you talking about?" I ask

"The desirability list," Sammie says. "You've fallen, like, three standings."

I look at Garmen and we both go to see for ourselves, and Sammie's right. The list in the hallway has changed quite a bit through the night. Garmen is still ranked as number one, then comes Sammie, Frei, Ricardo and then finally me. I've fallen from number two to number five within thirty days.

"Holy wrut," Garmen says, and I can't blame her. I've never actually seen anyone fall so far so quickly. Logically I know it's not because I'm less desirable or whatever, but because I've been so absent I haven't had a chance at customers. I only have to make up for it next month and I'll be back at the top of the blackboard. But I can't really bring myself to care about it. The only flicker of emotion I have is annoyance that I'll have to move into a room with a roommate, but even that will be good considering I'll have someone to keep me from going shooting myself up. Unless it's Alivia of course, because she's a crackhead I think, and then remember that's not going to happen now that she's dead.

"Oh," I say, more because I remember Alivia than because of the ranking. It's actually quite exciting now I think about it. I can't remember the last time I had a roommate.

"You're smiling," Garmen states. "Why are you smiling?"

I reach up to feel my face and she's right, I am. "I don't know," I admit. "Alivia's dead, I've fallen three spots on the list. You're still number one though."

"Yeah, but that comes as no surprise," Garmen says and flips her hair melodramatically, which makes me laugh.

"Let's go get some breakfast," I tell her calmly. She gives me a worried glance, but then she shrugs and follows. It's Quills and Hannah in the kitchen this morning. Barooba probably thought the best way to help Quills with her grief is to make her work it off. She is as usual right because breakfast consists of a weirdly complicated stew of spinach, curry and melted feta which, together with rice, tastes divine. When everyone has sat down, and I've already gulped down two portions and getting ready for my third, Barooba walks out from her office with her glasses on and begins reading up the new list.

"As you know there has come up a new ranking," she says. "Which means Ki Aimi, you'll be moving from Frei's room to Noah's. Frei, you get your own room this month. Remember to treat it appropriately or I'm coming after you," she says and there is a slight snicker from the dirty-minded which, considering our profession, is everyone. Except for Ki Aimi. I catch her eye and try for a smile, but she just gives me a death glare and turns her head away. Great, my roommate already hates me. "Garmen and Sammie will keep their own rooms, and Ricardo," Barooba takes a breath. "Seeing as Alivia is no longer requiring a room, you'll have your own too until I can find a replacement. Carrie-Ann will move in with Quills."