One More Try

Taking Care

The next days were hell. They only went home to sleep, other than that they were at the hospital or mindlessly driving around, simply because being home knowing Ophelia wasn't there didn't feel right. The house just didn't feel like a home anymore. Cissy and Wilf tried to help, but there was nothing to do. They were also dealing with some things themselves, but Jean and Reg were too caught up in their own grief and fear to notice something was different about their friends.
Jean tried to talk to Reg, about her feelings and his, but while he was more than happy to listen and be there for her, he completely shut down when she asked about his feelings. He didn't want to talk about what he felt, but that didn't mean the situation wasn't upsetting to him, quite the opposite.
Reg was devastated that his darling daughter was so badly hurt. He had never felt such an emotional pain, nothing could even come remotely close to this. He had no idea what to do or how to cope himself, so he did everything he could do to help Ophelia and Jean. From discussing new therapies with the doctors, paying for the best treatment and equipment and keeping the press as informed as they had to be and handling work, to supporting Jean emotionally and practically and spending every spare minute at the hospital, he did it all. Reg knew perfectly well that Ophelia was in a coma but that didn't stop him from reading to her, singing to her, telling her stories and rubbing her hands and feet because they were always cold. He'd read somewhere that coma patients sometimes heard what was going on around them. They were only one week in and Reg wasn't ready to give up on his daughter. He tried to make sure Jean could get some rest, he wanted to protect her as much as he could, if the situation was almost unbearable for him, how much worse was it for her? With all these duties and tasks he kept busy so he wouldn't have time to think and didn't realize that he himself needed to rest just as much as Jean did. Jean however desperately tried to get him to remember that he was still human but to no avail. Her worst nightmare had come true, even Reg being by her side didn't make things much better, but she knew without him, it would be even worse. Yet, watching him taking care of Ophelia and herself to the brink of complete exhaustion was oddly moving to Jean. Not even a year and he fought for them, being strong and seemingly fearless when they needed him most, when despair and fear were the easier options. She just wished Reg would let her take care of him too, at least a little bit. They were a team after all, right?
One night when Ret came home after the hospital had asked him to leave, Jean had made some dinner to surprise him. He often stayed longer than she did, which made her feel terrible, but then she usually stayed with Pheli in the mornings while he was either doing some consultant work at the opera house or was in one of many meetings with doctors and specialists. Nobody dared to say this out loud, but Ophelia's chance of a complete recovery was slim. Reg considered getting quotes to see what making their house accessible was going to cost them, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
"Darling, I made you dinner, it's your favourite, look, the mashed potatoes are made from scratch, not from a box." Jean tried to get him interested in the food, she'd spent all afternoon making it. Reg felt bad refusing it, he just wasn't hungry, although he hadn't eaten in ages.
"I'll try something later." He promised. He was too tired to eat, although it smelled lovely and considering that Jean hated cooking, it was a lovely gesture.
"Reggie..." She said quietly, she was about to burst into tears. She was so exhausted and he didn't even like what she'd made for him. Didn't he understand that the food was only secondary, that by refusing it, he once again he rejected her and her offer to take care of him too. The old Jean wouldn't have minded, but now things were different.
"I need to shower first." Reg mumbled but then he looked at her. Seeing her look almost as tired as he felt changed his mind. She looked as if she'd aged about twenty years, dark shadows under her eyes, her skin was of a grey-ish colour. There was no joy in her face, no twinkle in her eyes, no dimples when she smiled. She looked like a shell. If this was so important to her, he would finish the entire plate if he had to. "Okay, I'll eat." He said quietly and they sat down. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she smiled. They had their dinner in silence and when they were done, Jean sought Reg's hand. For the first time he didn't pull back and that was enough to make her cry. She was way past silent crying, there was so much going on already, they had to stick together instead of drifting further apart every day.
"Reggie, what is happening to us? We can't lose her, we can't lose each other. Please, I know we're dealing with this in very different ways, but you have been so distant. Come back to me. I need you." She grabbed a napkin to wipe away her tears but she just couldn't stop crying.
"My god... I'm sorry, Jean." He kissed her hand and then stroked her cheek with his thumb. Even now she looked stunning and he just wanted to make things alright for her so badly. "It's just that I don't know what to do. I have barely met my daughter and now she's..." He bit his lip. "So I am trying to help as much as I can in my own, clumsy ways."
"She's not going anywhere. She will live." Jean replied, she was stubborn. Parents shouldn't have to bury their children.
"Screw the plans for a summer wedding. We have to get married as soon as she wakes up." Reg declared out of the blue.
"Why the sudden rush?" Jean was surprised, he'd been the one holding back.
"I was wrong. We don't have time, not even until summer or whenever. I want her to be there, I want her to have normal parents. I want us to be married again, damn it, I'll even take your last name if that's what you want." Jean kissed his hand. Reg seemed so different, as if a switch had been flipped and released a flash of energy.
"We'll get married then. And have a big celebration when she's well again. We could recreate our first wedding, I always wanted a perfect little flower girl." He just nodded. The sudden burst of energy hadn't lasted very long.
"That sounds wonderful but... Jean, what have they done to her, they had to shave her hair. She's going to be devastated." He knew how much Ophelia had adored her long hair and he worried about her legs even more. What if she could never dance again?
"I know, but it had to be done..." She looked at him. "Reggie, can you please hold me? I think we both need a hug right now." Jean was right, Reg needed nothing more than his wife. He needed her to feel human again and at the same time he wasn't sure whether he could allow himself this little bit of happiness while their daughter was in hospital.
"I... I haven't showered yet, I smell like hospital." He stuttered.
"Don't care." Jean climbed on his lap and he pulled her as close as possible. It felt like a massive weight had been taken off his shoulders when he felt her hug him back.
"My darling Jean..." Reg whispered and kissed her forehead which almost made her cry again. She hadn't heard those words in a very long time.
"Reggie..." She whispered back, he was her Reggie, nobody else was allowed to call him that. They sat in the for hours, just holding each other, almost all night, but time had no meaning for them anymore, other than "before" and "after". The chair was uncomfortable and a little squeaky, but it didn't matter to them. Jean ultimately fell asleep in Reg's arms, so he carried her upstairs. But Reg himself couldn't sleep. The all-consuming darkness of their bedroom just fuelled his spiralling thoughts. Still, he felt like there was change in the air, it had been almost two weeks since the accident, it was about time things got better. Something just had to happen, he believed in his daughter, she would pull through.
In the morning they were just getting ready to go to the hospital and work when the phone rang. It was only quarter past seven, an odd time for a call. Reg almost ripped the phone off its base, this had to be important.
"Reginald Paget?"
"Good morning Mr. Paget, this is nurse Isabella." The voice was far too cheerful for such an ungodly hour, but at least it meant nothing bad had happened. "Would you mind putting me on speakerphone?" He did. Muffled sounds. He held Jean's hand. Then, a tiny voice, still a little rough and very tired.
"Hi Mum and Dad. I'm awake now." They just started at each other. Was that...? Could it be...?
"Ophelia? Is that you?" Jean asked anxiously, scared it might be the wrong child.
"Hmm. Can I see you soon?" Ophelia was still confused, the images in her head didn't really add up, but seeing her parents would probably help.
"We're coming. We're practically on our way." Reg said and passed Jean the phone before gathering their things.
"We're on our way. We love you so much" Jean promised, they hung up and after Reg had called in sick at work, they raced to the hospital.
Reg had never driven so fast, and they arrived in under 20 minutes. While Reg parked the car, Jean hurriedly made her way to Ophelia's room. She couldn't wait to see her, hug her, hold her. She burst into the room she knew way too well by now, but this time there was an obvious difference. Pheli was sitting in her bed, there were less tubes and cables connected to her, her eyes were open. Her daughter was alive, to Jean that was a miracle, like all her prayers had been answered.
"Hey Mum..." The little girl smiled weakly and gave her a little wave.
"My baby. My darling. I'm so glad you are awake." Jean hugged Ophelia and the world stood still for a moment.
"Where's dad." Pheli finally asked. She thought she'd heard him on the phone, but then she was still heavily sedated, so who knew.
"Daddy is just parking the car, he's going to be here soon." Jean kissed her daughter again and again, almost scared she could disappear.
"Mummy, what happened? I remember being on the bus but then... just nothing, as if I slept until today." Ophelia looked at her mother with big, inquisitive eyes. She just wanted everything to make sense. Jean suddenly had a lump in her throat. How to explain this horror to her child, the very child she wanted to protect from the world around her?
"You were accident on your way home, darling. The bus crashed with a lorry and fell over." No more details and thankfully, Ophelia had more pressing questions.
"How's Evelyn? And the others? How's annoying George?" Jean stifled a smile. She knew Pheli liked George, they were just teasing each other, as kids did.
"They are recovering, just like you are. George lost two fingers, but he's already at home. Evelyn had lots of surgery and is on another ward here..." She listed all of Ophelia's classmates, carefully leaving out the teachers, but Pheli noticed.
"And what about our teachers? Miss Paulson, Mr. Trevor and Miss Chase?" Jean's face clouded. This was a conversation she had dreaded.
"They were in the front, weren't they, sweetheart?"
"Yes, they told us things over the speaker, that was funny." Ophelia giggled, but Jean didn't join.
"Well, the bus was hit in the front, so it hit them very badly. Miss Paulson and Mr. Trevor are recovering."
"And Miss Chase?" Jean bit her lip and stared out of the window.
"She didn't make it, I'm so sorry my darling." She held her daughter a little tighter.
"But..  but she was my favourite. I love her!" Ophelia protested, not ready to accept these cold, harsh truths.
"I know and I promise they did everything they could to save her." Jean tried to comfort her, but what to say in a situation like this?
"But she was the choir teacher, who's going to do choir now?" Pheli got a little worked up and the machines she was still connected to picked up on it.
"Darling..." In that moment Reg came into the room, carrying a massive teddy bear.
"Where's my daughter?" He asked with a big smile, he'd had a little cry by himself before coming in, tears of joy obviously, and at least for now Ophelia was distracted, much to Jean's relief.
"Daddy! I'm here!" She was so excited, she waved and almost ripped out a tube. They had missed her! How nice. Reg gave her the teddy bear and a kiss
"I'm so glad you are awake! How are you feeling, my little love?" He ruffled the remainder of his daughter's hair.
"I'm okay, my legs feel weird and they shaved my hair." She said quietly. "It feels weird to me and I don't like it at all."
"I know, but you are still the prettiest girl I know." Reg would always love her. The short hair brought out her facial features and to him he looked like a young Jean, even though Jean insisted she was his clone through and through. Probably the perfect combination, who knew. Jean gave him a playful look.
"Oh darling, you know you are and always will be the most beautiful woman in my life." He laughed softly and gave her a kiss which made Jean laugh as well.
"I love you Reggie..." She whispered. Jean appreciated him and everything he'd done more than she could ever say. He had caught her when she'd been falling, more than once. And yet he still... loved her, for some absurd reason. Ophelia smiled, seeing her parents so in love made her very happy.
"So you are still good friends?" She asked. It was good that things had been fine even while she'd been, well, knocked out.
"Your mum and dad are getting married again. Very soon actually." Reg smiled proudly. "I promise you, we will all be very happy.
"Oh, that's good." Ophelia replied. Her brain was a little foggy so the words needed some time until they actually made sense to her.
"It is. It really is." Jean took Reg's hand. "Because I adore your daddy."
"I love him too." Pheli added and Reg squeezed Jean's hand. He knew how much she loved these little gestures.
"And I love my two ladies." They spent an enjoyable morning until they had to leave over lunch. The hospital was very strict about these rules.
Reg and Jean drove home in silence, but happy silence. When he stopped at a traffic light, he turned to her.
"You weren't really jealous, were you?" He asked. Not that he wanted to accuse her of anything, he was just curious and deep down, a little flattered.
"Hm?" Jean didn't know what he meant.
"Earlier in the hospital..." This made her blush.
"Well maybe a little bit." Jean admitted, Reg kissed her cheek and the light turned green.
"Jean, you know you're unmatched." He reassured her.
"I know it's silly, especially because I do for a fact think that Pheli is the most beautiful child in the world and your feelings for her are those of a father and...well." Jean shrugged, she felt a little bad.
"Well, I haven't given you much attention over the past few weeks, have I." Reg understood that keeping stress from her wasn't the same as spending quality time with his wife. He vowed to do better.
"For a good reason, love." Jean replied. She didn't want him to feel bad.
"Still, we've lost ourselves as a couple while we were being worried, grieving parents." He was annoyed with himself because he'd let things come to that.
"But you took care of me so well." Jean said quietly. "It was me who couldn't connect with you. I wasn't the one you needed while you were being everything."
"I thought it would be easier for everyone if I was the strong one and just got on with it." Reg admitted. They had arrived at home and he helped Jean out of the car.
"Reggie, can you promise me something?" She asked, giving him one of her dead serious looks.
"Anything, dearest." He said readily, saying no to Jean Horton was not an option.
"Can we try and find a way to do this together? Cope together? Be Phelis parents but also be just... you and me? Because the week we had while she was away was just glorious." She smiled shyly, but it was of great importance to her. She never wanted them to be one of those couples who only existed for the sake of their children.
"Gladly, my dearest." He replied. "Would you like to have lunch with me?" This made Jean giggle.
"Where?" She asked, playing along.
"Chez la Cuisine, it's a new restaurant right here." He lead her to the kitchen. "They do serve an interesting fusion cuisine called 'last night's leftovers with random veggies', how does that sound?" Now they both laughed, they finally felt like they had the permission to be happy again, to be silly and joke around.
"I think that sounds just lovely." Reg set the table. With Ophelia's consciousness, the soul of the house had returned. It finally started to feel like a home again. A home that was now yearning to welcome back its youngest resident, but that wouldn't be for a long time.