One More Try

Moving On

On the way home, Jean felt a sense of calm that she hadn't felt in a long time. That's what she loved about being friends with Cissy. They could go without talking for weeks and it still felt like no time had passed. Cissy really knew her like no other. And how she hoped for her friend's dreams to come true. Nobody would make a better mother, she remembered how wonderfully Cissy had taken care of Ophelia from the very beginning. Jean wistfully looked at the road ahead of her. So much had happened since Pheli's birth. She'd almost lost her little baby who wasn't so little anymore. Reg was back with them. They were settled and happy. Yes, Jean could confidentially state that she was happy. Her daughter made her happy. Her soon-to-be husband made her happy. Her friends made her happy. Jean Horton had arrived in a place she'd never planned to be in and yet it made her happier than she'd ever imagined to be. Because she could have it all, she could be Pheli's Mum, she could be Reggie's wife, lover, partner, colleague, she could be Cissy's friend, she could be a star, she could be on stage and sing her heart out as much as she liked. Jean felt grateful. From the bottom of her heart. She couldn't remember feeling so grateful, despite everything that had happened. Jean knew that her life wasn't perfect, that she had issues to deal with, but she also knew that she was incredibly privileged. She'd made the decision to be grateful for what she had. This made Jean think of Anne. What a horrible, horrible person she was. Jean cringed inwardly, because she knew that she could've ended like that. Thank goodness she hadn't.

At home, Reg had done his best to make sure Ophelia had a great afternoon. He'd bought her favourite snacks and they had ordered Pizza for dinner. Ophelia loved spending time with her dad, she couldn't quite comprehend why he never seemed to tire of her. He always asked about her day, he knew all her friend's names and he seemed to take her seriously. He pushed her in her chair wherever she wanted to go, he helped her exercise her legs, he pretended to be patient for her sake, even though they were both frustrated with how slow Ophelia was recovering. Pheli loved her dad and she was glad that he seemed to love her back. To Reg, his daughter was still a miracle and he loved every minute he spent with her. How could someone as plain as he have a daughter as wonderful as Ophelia? She really was his pride and joy. Yet, there were some things they couldn't really talk about, no matter how often Pheli tried.
"Dad?" She asked once again while Reg was stacking the dishwasher. Jean was still with Cissy, so Pheli kept her father company in the kitchen.
"Hm?" Reg looked up, but she didn't seem to need anything, Pheli was contently sitting in her temporary wheelchair, drawing some pictures.
"Dad, I... I was wondering what Mum did. Why you got divorced and everything." The question kept popping up in Pheli's mind, she didn't understand why her parents were so reluctant to talk about it. Reg was completely taken by surprise, he almost dropped a plate. This definitely wasn't the right time.
"Pheli, we talked about this. Maybe when you are older, but not now. That's something between your mum and I. Remember how we spoke about privacy? And what private means?" Reg scrambled for words and Pheli rolled her eyes, of course she did, she was just so curious. But pestering her dad was no good, she knew that. He'd clam up and it would ruin their night, so she decided to drop the topic, at least for now.
"Alright. But you're not going away again, right?" Now, this was a question Reg could answer, Pheli asked it quite frequently. Reg would always promise to never leave them and he fully intended to keep this promise. Jean and Pheli were his everything. Even now, knowing that Jean would return home any minute, he missed her and couldn't wait to have her back. How he adored her. And how he adored their daughter. Living, breathing proof that love could indeed conquer all.
Finally, the sound of a key in the door.
"Mummy!" Pheli quickly rolled to the door, Jean had just arrived and she hugged her daughter, holding her just a little longer than she usually did.
"Princess. Hello Princess, my Darling, how was school?" Reg leaned against the kitchen door, giving Jean a little wave which made her heart flutter. He looked great and he knew it. He really was Jean's biggest weakness.
"School was good. How's aunty Cissy?" Jean kissed Pheli's forehead. "She's doing just fine, my darling, we're going to see her soon." The answer satisfied Pheli but Jean knew that she had to give Reg a talking to. He still hadn't apologized to Wilf and Cissy and Jean wasn't having it. This had gone for long enough, Reg was just too proud.
Later that night, when Pheli was asleep, Jean poured them a glass of wine each and they settled down on the couch. She loved this new kind of intimacy they had, a bond that was stronger than ever. He felt like home to her.
"No tea tonight? Straight to the big guns? Am I in trouble?"Reg raised an eyebrow when he settled on the couch and noticed the wine glasses.
"Reggie, Darling, you really need to apologize to Wilf and Cissy. Please. And talk to Wilf, I know this whole makes you unhappy." This prompted a deep sigh from Reg and Jean handed him one of the glasses.
"I know, I know, but you of all people should know how hard it is to admit when you are wrong." Jean ignored the little slight, not that Reg was wrong, it was just uncalled for.
"Reggie, they need us just as much as we need them and you did them wrong. Please. He's supposed to be your best man."
"I know. Jean... It's just... Difficult. I feel dreadful about all this. What if Wilf..."
"Oh stop it." Jean interrupted him, she couldn't stand his whining about a situation he was at least partly responsible for. "You're going to go Wilf's theatre tomorrow. Take him to the pub. Talk things out. Understood?" Reg merely nodded, but he knew she was right. He loved Jean for taking charge of such uncomfortable situation. He tended to avoid confrontation, especially when he'd lost control before and that was what had contributed to the failure of their first marriage and cost him a few friendships. Evidently, he was terrible at taking his own advice, the one he'd given Jean a few days ago. It was always easier to tell people what to do. He remembered something Wilf had said during their last phone call. "We're like brothers." Damn right they were. It was them against the world. Reg and Wilf, Wilf and Reg, the gentleman singer, and the bad boy. They had been inseparable and it was about time they went back to the way they had been before tragedy had struck.
Reg was willing and ready to make things work, he sincerely hoped that Wilf was too, but he knew that trying and failing was better than not trying at all. He would earn his second chance.
Jean watched Reg think. She knew he needed time to figure things out, but she was also aware that they couldn't draw out this conflict indefinitely.
She understood that things in their friendship group were different now, but that was normal. Change was normal. But Jean also knew that some things never changed and she was convinced that Reg would sooner or later regret not making up with Wilf while he still had the chance.
Jean also couldn't help but notice how handsome Reg looked, even now when the light was dimmed and he was deep in thought. He had a beautiful face with high cheekbones and fine, perfectly shaped lips, an air of mysterious sophistication surrounded him. He'd always been attractive, but now, about ten years after their first meeting, Jean saw that he had aged. Not in a bad way, not at all, he just looked more mature, less boy-ish than he had ten years ago. Reg was biting his lower lip, it was a habit of his, whenever thinking about something unpleasant, he'd bite his lip. It was a habit Jean disliked, as he'd inadvertently hurt himself sooner or later, so she reached out and gently touched his lip.
"Don't..." Jean said in her most gentle voice. Reg looked up and gave her a weak smile.
"I know, my love. But there's so much to think about." He shrugged and took a sip of his wine. The whole situation was a mess, neither he nor Wilf were the type to talk about their feelings when it concerned their friendship. That just wasn't something they were used to but overcoming these old habits would be necessary. Jean leaned against him and Reg pulled her closer. They sat in silence for a while until Jean just had to say something.
"I know it's hard. It was hard when the dynamic between Cissy and me changed. You know how it used to be. And for a while this was how we were, but people change, their needs change. What doesn't change is the love we feel for our friends and so we're adapting. I couldn't imagine life without Cissy in it and to be honest, I can't imagine you without Wilf, as much as he annoys me sometimes." Reg sighed and had another sip of wine before replying.
"I can't imagine that either. The thing is that Wilf... You know how he is. He's proud. And honestly, my behaviour was atrocious, not everyone is as forgiving as Cissy. But I promise I'll do my best and even if things don't work out, I will always be cordial, for your sake and Pheli's sake." It hurt Reg to plan for this certain if.
"Reggie, I know you are worried. But I'm sure things will work out. You're his closest friend. Everything will be alright eventually." Did Jean believe what she was saying. Mostly. But she knew that everything would take time, Wilf was stubborn, Reg wasn't always the most patient person, he was with her, but not with others. But in this moment, it didn't matter. Her words soothed him and he started to relax. If Jean believed that things would be alright eventually, how could he not have hope?
"Pheli asked about the divorce earlier." He told Jean. He didn't like talking about this topic, he'd rather forget, but they had to be on the same page and present a united front.
"What did she want to know?" Jean avoided Reg's gaze. She felt dreadful. If she hadn't been so stupid, they wouldn't be in this position.
"She wanted to know what you did. What happened. But I explained to her that this is private." He caressed Jean's hand to stop her from shaking. The topic was very emotional for both of them.
"How did she react?"
"As always. She asked if I'm going to leave again one day and I told her that I couldn't." Reg gently kissed Jean on the cheek. "I'm not leaving her, and I am not leaving you." He knew that this was something Jean worried about.
"You're an amazing father, Reggie. And... A way better partner than I deserve."
"I love you, Jean. It's always you. Always has been and always will be."
All these words were true. He really loved her. And, now that Reg was thinking about it, he realised that trusted her. Somewhere along the way he had started to trust Jean again. At the beginning of their relationship there had been a little voice in the back of his head, questioning Jean's honesty and commitment. The voice had been silent for a while now. He felt safe with her.
"Penny for your thoughts..." Jean gently teased him. Her eyes twinkled a little, which Reg found incredibly endearing. She had to feel just as safe with him, teasing him after speaking about their feelings and that meant a lot to Reg. Sometimes it was the little things.
"I was just thinking about how much I trust you." He said gently, playing with a strand of Jean's hair. Those words hit different. He trusted her. Reg could finally trust her again, despite everything she'd done.
"My god... Reggie, I... I don't know what to say, you have no idea what this means to me." Jean stuttered, fighting back tears. Reg just pulled her closer, holding her as if she was something precious that he couldn't afford to lose. They didn't need words. They just needed each other. When they were together, they felt invincible, at least to some degree.