𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 - 𝙜𝙚𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙪𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨

priority

i come back to the living room with my small bag of things to take to george's. he looks up from his phone and walks over to me, offering to carry it.

i smile and pass him my bag as i grab the final three things i need, my cigarettes, my lighter and my phone. i unlock the door and say goodbye to my apartment. that i moved into like a week ago.

i hope this blows over soon, i don't want to hassle george and alex too much.

we enter george and alex's apartment and are greeted by a confused alex.

"hey dylan, is everything okay?" he asks pointing to the bag george is clutching in his hand.

"do you want to explain or shall i?" george says to me. i tell him he can, i don't think i could relive that shit again.

george tells the story as quickly as possible of tyler, me running away from him, and how he found me again- through that damn picture.

alex is apologetic about the picture going viral on stan twitter. i reassure him it wasn't anyone's fault but mine as i knew the risk of what i was doing.

"so you don't mind me staying here alex?" i ask, i don't want to be too much of a hassle.

"of course not, i understand why you wouldn't want to be alone in that apartment with him running around out there. fuck this is a bad situation, i'm so sorry you have to go through this dylan" alex rubs his face with worry.

"i'm sorry i had to drag you guys into it"

i've been at their apartment for about 5 hours now, and i don't think i've stopped smiling. they've both made me laugh so fucking much. they're better than any fucking pill.

and guess what, even with all the stress of tyler i haven't even had one craving yet. these guys know how to make people happy. i mean it is their job.

after we'd finished watching another black mirror episode it was about 3:30am and we were all pretty tired.

"if i take the sofa are you okay with sleeping in my bed dyl?" george asks as he turns off the tv. of course i'm not going to make this guy sleep on the sofa.

"i can take the sofa, i've done it a bunch before" i say, like i said i just don't wanna hassle them any more than i have. i was dreading being alone though. and so close to the door.

"i can't let you do that, you're our priority here seriously" george says, looking over at alex who agrees with him.

"guys it's okay, i'll feel better if you guys let me take the couch" it's true, i'm not making george sleep on the fucking sofa.

"if you're sure, call us if you need anything yeah?" alex says, pointing in the direction of their rooms.

i nod and reassure them that i'm going to be okay and they head to their rooms.

i get out my phone and message jay to check if he's okay.

dylan
are you okay jay?
message me back
so i know you're
safe :)

jay
all good my end,
stay safe in london
are you staying
with people?

dylan
yeah, the ones from
the picture, were not
gonna leave the
apartment for a while
so hopefully he gives
up.

jay
good, speak soon
lil sis :)

dylan
<3

read 3:54am

phew, i'm so glad he's safe. i hope i can see him again soon.

i place my phone down on the sofa i'm sleeping on and pull the blanket i brought with me up around my shoulders.

i think about george, how close we've gotten. it feels like i've known him for my whole life. and alex too, we all get on so well.

i'm so grateful for them letting me stay here.

for once i actually don't feel so alone.

but you're the problem. you're always the problem. others wouldn't be at risk if it wasn't for you. you shouldn't have involved others. the people around you always get hurt. it's all your fault. you need to do something about it before people start to die. your past isn't going to just disappear. fucking do something about it. your lifes already fucked so what do you have to lose?

i actually have nothing to lose.

fuck i hate myself.