Smile

Chapter Six: Your Own God

"In other news, 21 year old college graduate Katrina Maroon was found dead tonight in a subway downtown," a news anchor stated to the camera, "Witnesses say the suspect was not seen, but that they left a smiley face carved into the subway wall."
The date was October 15th when Katrina was murdered by Smiler.
After she died, I woke up in a state of shock on my couch, thinking it was a nightmare.
It wasn't.
The next day, there was a loud knock at the door.

"Dirtville Police Department, open up!" An intimidating voice shouted from the other side, before I went over and reached for the handle.
"I'm Officer Bordeaux from the Dirtville Police Departmenr," The voice stated as they showed me their badge, "Where were you on the night of October 15th?"
"On my couch," I answered, half lying, "I woke up and my girlfriend wasn't home."
"And your girlfriend is listed here as Ms. Aubrey Brooks, correct?" Officer Bordeaux interrogated me.
"Yes sir," I obliged before he continued with, "So then why were you seen with a Ms. Katrina Maroon mere hours before her death?"
"We had an affair," I admitted, "I didn't kill her, I don't know who did."
"I never said you killed her," Bordeaux responded, "I simply asked a question."
I wanted to tell him about Smiler, but I couldn't do it. If I told him he'd certainly arrest me and I'd most likely end up in a psychiatric ward again.
"Can you leave yet?" I impatiently nagged, "I was trying to sleep."
"I think we'll take a look around the apartment if you don't mind," Bordeaux replied as he began to step inside.
"Don't you need a warrant for that?" I questioned the police officer.
"Only if you're guilty," Bordeaux stated as he walked into the living room, "I see your TV is broken."
"Yeah, my girlfriend broke it when she found out I was cheating," I fabricated once more, "She gets like that sometimes."
"Do what makes you happy?" Bordeaux read off of the wall.
"My girlfriend put that there after she broke the TV," I continued to lie.
"I am Smiler?" Bordeaux read aloud again, "You better have a damn good explanation for this one."
"I think she meant to say smiling but wrote it wrong or something," I quickly explained, "I really don't know."
"One more thing before I leave," Bordeaux stated before handing me a yellow piece of paper, "This was on your front door."
It was an eviction notice.
"I'll see you around," Bordeaux added as he walked out the door, "Maybe on the street or maybe in court."

"I'm thinking you pay half of the rent and I pay the other half?" I proposed to the person on the other end of the phone, "I don't have a job right now but I can get one quick."
"I don't know, man," the voice on the other line replied, "I should be fine how I am if I stick in here."
"Dude, I really need this, okay?" I begged, "My girlfriend left me and I'm gonna get evicted if I can't pay the bills. You're my cousin, you can do this for me."
"Fine," they caved in, "But I'm only staying until you get on your feet."
"Thank you so much, Ryan," I told them, my cousin Ryan, "You won't regret it."
I plopped down on the broken couch, sighing in relief that I wouldn't live on the street, when I checked the time.
It was 7 P.M., when the hours of Smiler typically began.
You see, I had noticed a pattern, Smiler tended to only show up at night, specifically from 7 P.M. to 7 A.M.
I was still figuring out how and why I became Smiler that one night, when I heard the TV begin to crackle.
I turned to it to read the words, "HELLO OLD FRIEND", on the screen.
"Fuck off," I said sarcastically, before I turned around to see him staring from behind the couch.
How many times can I explain the way his eyes suck you in?
They are dark and hide so much pain, you can feel the aura seep through them as he srares at you with that blank smile.
That damned smile.
Its less like a mouth, more like a sadistic grin carved into the pale dough that is his skin.
He reached to the wall and scratched it, writing, "FOLLOW ME ONCE AGAIN".
Smiler walked into the kitchen, and as I did too, I suddenly collapsed again, fading into a world of darkness.

Hell is not real, well not as we know it.
I woke up in a dark corridor, cold and stripped of my clothes, yet also my dignity.
I felt as if I were a wild animal, captured and held hostage in an industrial hell.
I could hear the turning of gears in the distance, as well as the buzzing of machinery.
As much as I felt alien to this place, it also felt like home in a strange sense.
I curled up into a ball and just sort of relaxed on the frozen metal ground, becoming one with my surroundings...
That was until I heard that awful noise.
When I opened my eyes, the carvings of Smiler sprawled across the empty room, all which said, "YOU ARE YOUR OWN GOD".
I thought about what the words really meant for a second, as I was frankly baffled at first.
Then I began to realize, if I am my own god, does that mean I can escape by simply imagining it?
I focused hard on leaving, waking up in my bed and even having Aubrey still with me but nothing worked...
Until I opened my eyes.

I was Smiler once again.
This time, though, I was staring at myself.
I looked frightened at first, the human side of me scared.
But the Smiler side of me was just... smiling.
Perpetual happiness, glee, a long lasting feeling of joy that I hadn't felt since I was young.
I finally found my escape, I could live free in synchronization with the earth around me, but I still felt that human side of me.
The depression, the utter sadness and misery oozing from my skin, I hated everything about that side of me.
I was filled with rage and disgust, and in a moment of anger I grabbed the human version of me by the throat and slashed him to pieces, leaving nothing but scraps of raw meat and a head left to rot over the next few months.
I felt powerful, invincible, like nothing could stop me...
Then the head began to laugh... that same gravelly laugh that Smiler emitted long before.
I stomped on my head but nothing would smash it, but soon after, I then realized what I had to do.
I stared myself in the face and imagined it melting, I imagined the skin crawling down as my eyes fell out and dangled on their flesh strings.
And then it happened... but the laugh didn't stop.

I woke up covered in mud, and completely naked.
I felt pain radiate throughout my worn down body, aching slowly across my legs to my torso.
I felt utterly hopeless and weak.
I glanced upwards, and there that motherfucker was, grinning at me, taunting me with an endless tranquility I would never experience.
But at this point...
I accepted it.